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A sticky end

One of our lovely Nannies messaged over the weekend to tell us how she has been getting on!

I’ve been an au pair with a family in France who since the beginning of September.

This afternoon, my host mother left me with 2 children for an hour and a half after school. The 3 yr. old wanted to have one of his chocolates but instead of just taking one from his sweet bowl, he brought the whole bowl into the living room.

He ate his chocolate and then I popped him in front of Sesame Street (I have about 75 episodes of this on my laptop and he loves it!) while I went to make dinner in the next room, which isn’t even a separate room as there’s just an archway.

I also had the baby girl who has finally learnt to crawl and is now getting into everything, so I was back and forth every few minutes to check she hadn’t found wires or got stuck under a chair (both have happened). Because there isn’t a door it’s hard to keep her contained! I then went back into the kitchen to serve up their dinner and was not out of the living room for any more than 3 minutes! I came back in to tell them that it was time to come and sit up to the table and heard the baby scrunching some plastic. She had her back to me, but when she turned round, I realised what she’d got: a plastic bag that (had) contained some of the chocolates and sweets from the sweet bowl that he had left on the table. I then noticed there was no chocolate in the bag, and that instead, it was all over her face, hands, and clothes. She’d even managed to get it on the bottom of her feet! She was really pleased with herself!

I took the empty sweets packet away (there were just some of the sweets left, one of which she’d clearly chewed on and decided she didn’t like…) and tried to clean up the sticky baby! She’d managed to get it everywhere, including on the glass table and the carpe

I was mid-stripping her clothes off and trying to keep the 3-year-old, who was attempting to hit his little thieving sister, at a distance, when the mother came back. I was there with a semi-naked baby who still had chocolate all around her mouth on my lap and a 3-year-old having a tantrum.

Not the ‘calm and well-organised scene with children happily eating dinner up to the table’ I was aiming for! So embarrassing!

Oops, Kate! We bet you won’t make that mistake again.

All about spiders

Halloween is coming up and one of the traditional symbols is a nice, hairy, eight-legged spider. This year spiders are apparently particularly big because the summer was so warm, which means spiders had lots of lovely food to eat and lots of time to grow, and that can make them even scarier to those of us who don’t like them. But spiders really are our friends, so next time you see one as you’re running a bath for your charges, don’t scream – share some of these fun facts.

Spiders don’t have blood, or any kind of blood vessels. What they use as blood is actually a kind of light blue liquid that floats around their body.

They breathe through their tummies.

Spider silk is probably the strongest material in the world.

Antarctica is the only continent where you can’t find any spiders.

There is one species of spider that is vegetarian, all the others are predators. British spiders mostly eat insects, which makes them really useful.

More women than men are afraid of spiders.

Tarantulas shed their skins, like snakes.

Not all spiders make webs, and spider webs can come in lots of different shapes and sizes.

Nanny or Nanny-housekeeper?

The rise of the nanny-housekeeper has been pretty universal. All over the country nannies are reporting that new jobs come with more household duties than they used to, and bosses are increasingly asking nannies to take on jobs around the house when charges move on to school or nursery.

It used to be said that you could either have a good cleaner or a good nanny. To a certain extent this holds – nannies become nannies, and train to become nannies, because they want to work with children. Most training courses don’t cover household duties, and placements in nurseries are more likely to be cleaning on a large scale using specially designed products and very resistant furniture. While nannies are usually happy to clear up after themselves and take on nursery duties such as children’s laundry, their focus will always be on the children and that may mean the housekeeping just doesn’t get done.

Cleaners are often great cleaners because of their attention to detail and their love of making things sparkle. That may mean their attention to the children suffers and their own feelings of frustration mount when things don’t stay clean and tidy for long.

So what can you reasonably expect someone to do when providing dedicated care for your children? The answer is it depends what you’re prepared to compromise on. If you’re modifying a job it’s important to discuss with your nanny what they feel capable or comfortable doing. A nanny who is also an excellent cook may not object to cooking a family meal for the evening and filling the freezer. A nanny who doesn’t mind ironing may be prepared to do yours alongside the children’s. Asking them if they would mind running the hoover round the rest of the house while they do the children’s bedrooms may also be possible, but do bear in mind the logistical problems this might bring if there are children at home full-time anfd the fact that nanny needs a break during the day!

A nanny-housekeeper, however, is employed to fulfill both roles and probably has experience of balancing the two. They are prepared to take on more cleaning than a dedicated nanny, will often shop and cook for the family and can work particularly well with school aged children. One of the most attractive features is how long-lived the role can be. Parents who are prepared to commit to employing a nanny-housekeeper from the start with more focus on childcare in the early years and on the household later will often find the same person will stay in the role, providing stability and continuity of care.

Is Childcare Harmful for my Child?

Leaving baby
Most of us know what it’s like to be a first-time Mum going back to work after a period of maternity leave. We consider our childcare options: day nursery or nanny or childminder? Which is best for my child? Can I afford what I want? Will it be ok to leave my baby in the care of someone else?

You wonder (or worry!) how your child will get on with the new minder(s); whether you’re doing the right thing in going back to work and leaving your child with – as is the case most of the time – a complete stranger. And many of us will feel a certain amount of joy, a freedom, a sense of “getting back to normal”, a reclaiming of our identity, in getting back to work.

The naysayers
Then we hear so-called experts such as the psychologist and broadcaster Oliver James claim that mothers of toddlers should avoid working outside the home and leaving young children in the care of others for long periods. In his 2010 book “How Not to F*** Them Up” James wrote that mothers who go out to work and leave their toddlers in day care are to blame for their child’s bad behaviour. James’s views are controversial to say the least.

The best of both worlds?
Is it unnatural to leave your child with someone else while you go out to do a day’s work in order to pay the bills or to further your career or simply to do a job you enjoy? Of course, there are women (and some men) who prefer to stay at home to raise their children but they have to be able to afford to do so. Can working parents have the best of both worlds? Is it possible to go out to work and be confident that the childcare you have chosen is “good enough” for your child?

The data
Recent studies show that childcare is not in fact harmful for children, once it is consistent, i.e. children are not given to one person one day and left with another on another day in a haphazard way, and once it is of a high standard. In other words if you can’t be the one to look after your child you want “second best” to be the very best. This is where careful consideration of your childcare options comes in. One of our previous blog articles, “Choosing Childcare That’s Right for You” is worth a read for more information on making this decision.

The reality
Nowadays most women have no choice but to work and their attitude is usually “I am doing my best”. Working motherhood is a reality so it’s crucial that you find childcare that’s right for you. Rather than assuming you won’t be able to afford a nanny, take a look at the NannyJob website. If you have more than one child, you may find that sending them to a childminder or a nursery can often work out nearly or as expensive. The advantage with a nanny too is that your children will be cared for in their own home by just one person. Alternatively, if you have just one child and wish to reduce your childcare costs, a nannyshare might be worth looking into. Visit our parents section at nannyjob.co.uk to begin your search.

Flexibility: the F word

Flexibility is a buzzword when it comes to childcare. Many parents need someone willing to be a bit flexible with hours to cover unexpected delays and duties to pick up the slack when needed. Most child carers are keen to emphasise their flexibility to maximise their chances of getting a job. But are you using the F-word too much?

Just as our ideas of physical flexibility differ, the types of flexibility different types of childcares often do too. A flexible nursery is a bit like being able to touch your toes with your hands, which is better than only reaching your knees if that’s all another nursery can do for you, but a flexible nanny is more like being able to touch your toes to the back of your head. Even if you don’t touch your toes on a regular basis, it can be reassuring to know that flexibility is there if you need it, just like it can be reassuring to know you have a bit of leeway to cover those unexpected delays.

When choosing childcare options parents should assess how much flexibility they really need – remember needing unusual hours isn’t the same as needing flexible childcare, although you might need someone who is flexible with the hours they’ll agree to work. Different types of childcare are by nature more flexible than others – a nursery has fixed opening and closing times for good reasons, but a childminder has a little more leeway to decide what those are and whether they are willing to make exceptions on an occasional or more regular basis. One flexible childminder might not mind early drop offs or late pickups for core contracted hours, another may mean they will offer an extended hours service but expect this to be agreed in advance. A nanny, especially a live-in nanny, can give even more flexibility, including late notice and overnight care, but this shouldn’t be taken for granted and should always be compensated accordingly.

Child carers promising flexibility in hours provided therefore need to be careful about what they mean. You might be happy to work up to 10 hours a day and although you don’t mind whether those 10 hours are 5am to 3pm or 11am to 9pm you still expect to clock off when those 10 hours are done. Or maybe you’re happy to occasionally start an hour earlier or finish an hour later but are generally available between 8am and 6pm. Perhaps you’re one of the few happy to commit to a set number of hours over the month whenever the parents need you. All of those are being flexible but option 1 is what a shift worker might mean by flexible childcare, option 2 is what someone with a complicated commute prone to delays might mean.

Flexible working is also a two-way street. The quickest way to turn a relationship sour is to demand full flexibility from a childcare provider and never give any back. Giving a little can build up a store of goodwill for the times you need extra help. As one nanny said ‘I absolutely don’t mind doing later days when I am let off early sometimes.

It’s not just working hours that require flexibility – nannies are often asked to be flexible when it comes to jobs around the home. Most nannies will empty a full kitchen bin or put a coffee cup in the dishwasher, and if it’s been a nightmare morning and the breakfast things are left on the side occasionally then that’s okay too. In general, though, nannies don’t expect to act as housekeepers unless it’s part of the job description, so if a nanny says at interview, they’re flexible on duties it’s well worth finding out what that really means.

Just a little flexibility in return goes a long way, allowing a nanny to run some personal errands during the working day occasionally or accepting that a childminder might need to close earlier on occasion can make a relationship a whole lot smoother.

At the end of the day being truly flexible means accepting that sometimes things are going to be a little different.

7 Ways to Get Your Baby to Fall Asleep and Stay Asleep

Whether you’re nannying or parenting (or both!) chances are you’ve experienced sleep problems with baby. Here are some tried and tested techniques to help get baby to fall and stay asleep.

Night Parenting Decisions

Develop a realistic attitude about nighttime parenting. Sleeping, like eating, is not a state you can force a baby into. Best you can do is to create a secure environment that allows sleep to overtake your baby. A realistic long- term goal is to help your baby develop a healthy attitude about sleep: that sleep is a pleasant state to enter and a secure state to remain in.

Stay flexible

No single approach will work with all babies all the time or even all the time with the same baby. Don’t persist with a failing experiment. If the “sleep program” isn’t working for your family, drop it. Develop a nighttime parenting style that works for you. Babies have different nighttime temperaments and families have varied lifestyles. Keep working at a style of nighttime parenting that fits the temperament of your baby and your own lifestyle. If it’s working, stick with it. If it’s not, be open to trying other nighttime parenting styles.

Decide where baby sleeps best

There is no right or wrong place for babies to sleep. Wherever all family members sleep the best is the right arrangement for you and your baby. Some babies sleep best in their own crib in their own room, some sleep better in their own crib in the parents’ bedroom. Remember – sleep is not a state you can force your baby into. Sleep must naturally overtake your baby. Your nighttime parenting role is to set the conditions that make sleep attractive and to present cues that suggest to baby that sleep is expected.

Get baby used to a variety of sleep associations

The way an infant goes to sleep at night is the way she expects to go back to sleep when she awakens. So, if your infant is always rocked or nursed to sleep, she will expect to be rocked or nursed back to sleep. Sometimes nurse her off to sleep, sometimes rock her off to sleep, sometimes sing her off to sleep, and sometimes use tape recordings; and switch off with your spouse on putting her to bed.

Daytime mellowing

A peaceful daytime is likely to lead to a restful night. The more attached you are to your baby during the day and the more baby is held and calmed during the day, the more likely this peacefulness is to carry through into the night. If your baby has a restless night, take inventory of unsettling circumstances that may occur during the day: Are you too busy? Are the daycare and the daycare provider the right match for your baby? Does your baby spend a lot of time being held and in-arms by a caregiver, or is he more of a “crib baby” during the day? We have noticed babies who are carried in baby slings for several hours a day settle better at night. Babywearing mellows the infant during the day, behavior that carries over into restfulness at night.

Set predictable and consistent nap routines

Pick out the times of the day that you are most tired, for example 11:00 a.m. and 4:00 p.m. Lie down with your baby at these times every day for about a week to get your baby used to a daytime nap routine. This also sets you up to get some much-needed daytime rest rather than be tempted to “finally get something done” while baby is napping. Babies who have consistent nap routines during the day are more likely to sleep longer stretches at night.

Consistent bedtimes and rituals

Babies who enjoy consistent bedtimes and familiar going-to-sleep rituals usually go to sleep easier and stay asleep longer. Yet, because of modern lifestyles, consistent and early bedtimes are not as common, or realistic, as they used to be. Busy two- income parents often don’t get home until six or seven o’clock in the evening, so it’s common for older babies and toddlers to procrastinate the bedtime ritual. This is prime time with their parents, and they are going to milk it for all they can get. In some families, a later afternoon nap and a later bedtime is more practical. Familiar bedtime rituals set the baby up for sleep. The sequence of a warm bath, rocking, nursing, lullabies, etc. set the baby up to feel that sleep is expected to follow. Capitalise on a principle of early infant development: patterns of association. Baby’s developing brain is like a computer, storing thousands of sequences that become patterns. When baby clicks into the early part of the bedtime ritual, he is programmed for the whole pattern that results in drifting off to sleep.

How to Ditch the Working Mother’s Guilt!

As mothers we all carry around a backpack full of guilt. No matter which way we turn or what we try to do, there is always niggles at the back of our minds telling us we should be doing more.

Maybe we shouldn’t return from work exhausted, or linger in the bath that little bit longer just to have a few moments peace and quiet, yet when all said and done, it has been clinically proven that guilt is quite simply a self-indulgent affair.

If you shake your head at this, think about it. Who does it benefit? Why do we feel it? We chastise ourselves for not spending enough time with our children, or for asking the nanny to attend a play, when really the only person it serves to help is us.

By putting ourselves through this mental torture we somehow believe that we are reaping what we deserve for our misdemeanours or failings as parents, yet none of us are failures, and our children would quite happily second that.

Having a nanny or child-minder is a wonderful option that many cannot afford. By developing a close relationship with your child’s daytime (sometimes night time) carer you are providing the next best thing to being there yourself. A good nanny will listen to your worries or fears, and will make sure they spend time researching your child and learning how best to handle them in order to produce a happy, well balanced and disciplined individual.

You little one will be showered with love, rewards, praise and also guidance whilst you are working providing for the family and being the best role model you possibly can. In a lazy nation, with surges of unemployment, bringing up a child that understands the value of working and sees it as a staple of everyday life should eradicate any guilt you may feel as you leave in the morning.

The pressure on us to perform is always immense, outside influences sometimes drip into our psyches and we feel the judgement as if it were tangible, coupled with our own persecutions it’s no wonder we feel wretched sometimes, so the best present you can give yourself is to nip guilt in the bud as soon as it starts to form.

Every parent is different, and no two parents have identical views on how to raise a child, but quite simply if your little one is healthy, happy and secure, you’re doing the best you possibly can.

It’s perfectly natural to feel a little frazzled when you return from work to a child instantly demanding your attention, yet from previous evenings you’ll know this soon dissipates. No matter how great the childcare, or how old the child, even when having the best day of their lives, children will want mummy’s undivided attention as soon as she walks through the door. Some children don’t mind how they receive the attention, they will tantrum, or some will quite simply hug and hug and hug.

However a fabulous trick is to take a breath before you enter the house. If you’ve driven home, give yourself five minutes of uninterrupted peace, listen to classical music or read a favourite book before stepping into your home and your child’s arms fully refreshed and recharged ready for the bedtime routine.

Common Childhood Illnesses: A Guide

As someone with young children in your care daily, it’s important to have a basic understanding of common childhood illnesses and how to treat them.

Here are 5 common illnesses, their symptoms and how to treat them:

Continue reading “Common Childhood Illnesses: A Guide”

Organisation tips for busy nannies

Failing to plan is planning to fail. Organising your time and your working environment effectively means you will feel less stressed, more in control and able to focus on the things you love rather than chores you hate.

Have a diary

If you and your nanny family don’t already have a diary, ideally a page per day, then invest in one. Write down your menu plans, shopping lists, any appointments, groups, playdates or changes to the usual routine. Remind your bosses to fill things in as well and check a couple of weeks ahead or before planning anything on a specific date in case there’s something already there. Don’t be afraid to put your plans in, particularly if they involve you leaving right on time or mean you’re unable to babysit. Don’t like a paper diary? Share a Google calendar with your boss!

Continue reading “Organisation tips for busy nannies”

Stain removal

Small children are messy, sticky creatures – there’s no getting away from it – and that means that their clothes, and yours, can take quite a beating at mealtimes and when playing. Treating stains properly straight away reduces the risk of permanent damage to clothes, which is good news when your favourite top has a close encounter of the strawberry kind.

Grass stains – soak in milk, rinse and wash as normal

Red fruits – stretch out the area where the stain is and pour boiling water onto it or soak in very hot water and agitate frequently

Blood – the best stain remover is that person’s saliva which contains enzymes to help break it down but in case you don’t want to teach children to spit or it’s a big stain you should run the stain under cold water. For delicate fabrics mix salt and water together and spread it on the stain or try hand soap.

Chocolate – wash as soon as possible in warm water and soap flakes or hand soap

Grease – the best method is to apply dishwashing liquid to the back of the stain (so the inside of a t-shirt for example), rub in and then rinse out with hot water from the back of the stain. If you can see any grease on the right side lift it gently with kitchen roll. Repeat if necessary.

Tomato – you can either stretch out the fabric, stain down, over a sieve or colander and pour boiling water over it from a distance of about a foot OR sponge the stain with cold water, rub it with a slice of lemon, and
then spray with stain remover before washing.

Mud – the good news is that mud should wash out of most clothes easily, but if you get mud on your UGG boots leave them to dry and then brush off. If this leaves behind marks from the water then wet the whole of the boot again (trust us!) before blotting it with a towel so it’s evenly wet and stuff with newspaper before leaving them to dry overnight.

Banana – probably the most challenging and one of the most common stains! Treat ASAP by applying dry borax then pouring hot water through the stain and washing as normal.