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Parent v Nanny

Today we’ve got a special guest blog from Tanya, talking about her transition from being a nanny to motherhood.

 

I qualified as a nursery nurse over 15 years ago. Since then I have worked with children of all ages from 3 months up to 12 years both in educational settings and as a Nanny.

In October 2009 I found out I was expecting our first child. At that time I had been with my current family for 4 years, caring for 2 children.

I felt pretty well equipped for once baby came home etc. but was fairly nervous about the actual delivery! Fear of the unknown I suppose.

I was lucky enough to be given ante-natal classes as a gift from my employers. My husband and I were keen to meet people at the same stage as we were and learn a bit more about the imminent delivery! The people we met at class gave us a great support network for once baby arrived. The classes also provided good information about the weeks ahead and of course the all important delivery!

Lily arrived a week early. An easy pregnancy ended with a slightly less easy delivery. Once she did arrive emotions were definitely altered forever.

The obvious main difference in being a parent is ultimately your decision is final, which sometimes feels very daunting.

In my role as a nanny I work with parents and discuss ideas to improve or manage various situations or scenarios. I’m not the type of nanny who expects the parents to do everything my way but work more as a team to get better results.

As a parent you are more aware of making decisions and how this will affect your lives. I think having a newborn and the tiredness and emotions that go along with this made it much harder to work through phases.

As a nanny I also had fairly fixed ideas of how I was going to ‘manage’ my new baby. Due to various reasons this didn’t happen and I did feel under extra pressure to do the ‘right’ thing. Ultimately the ‘right’ thing is that you feel comfortable in your daily decisions and that you and baby are happy and settled.

Outside pressure also affected me a lot. I was lucky to have lots of friends who work in childcare or who have their own children (or both!). Obviously everyone likes to help and support a friend and advice was always welcome. However they all had their own words of wisdom. At the time I felt I should take every point if view on board rather than do what was best for us as a family.

Having a ‘difficult’ baby isn’t easy and even my years of training didn’t prepare me for the constant demands of being a mummy. Of course I would never change being a mummy but there is definitely something to be said for clocking on and off as a nanny!

As Lily has got older she has become a very lively, funny and inquisitive girl. She likes to push boundaries and has a very strong sense of being her own person. Of course as a nanny working through the terrible twos and potty training is just part of the job. As a parent it’s non stop – no finishing at 6pm, having to be on top of a situation 100% of the time and multitasking household chores. You forget as a nanny you are there just for the children and that’s what you are paid to do so anything extra gets put to one side.

As a working mum, I still nanny part time with Lily coming along too. Time can seem limited but we try to do things together everyday and Lily gets to do a variety of activities. Consistency is key and we try hard to keep the rules the same regardless of if we are at home, at work, or just out and about. She’s not perfect but she’s 3 and spirited.

For me being a mum is a much harder job than being a nanny but I’m sure this isn’t the case for everyone!

 

Be Beyoncé’s nanny?

Well, no not really… Unfortunately we don’t to the best of our knowledge have it listed on our site, but feel free to go and have a look in case it’s there!

What we’re really interested in is the requirements they, and other celebs have for the person who will be looking after their little bundles, and not everyone has the luxury of bringing their old nanny out of retirement like Prince William.

So Beyoncé and Jay-Z want a French speaker who is happy to travel. They’ll also almost certainly have the reasonable requirement that you maintain strict confidentiality, and that would include protecting little Blue Ivy from nosy journalists and paparazzi, and that you provide top-notch care for their little princess.

It seems languages are a pretty common requirement for celeb nannies. It’s got to help with the travelling, although Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin took it to extremes wanting a tutor to speak not only one but FOUR languages to their 5 year old, including Latin and Greek. Brad Pitt and Angeline Jolie insist that their nannies (yes, plural, each child has one) have a degree in child development or education and speak that child’s native language, which considering the multi-cultural make-up of their family we think is a lovely idea.

Sometimes the requirements can get a little out of hand. Alanis Morisette was in the news for reportedly insisting her nanny worked 12 hour shifts without any break to eat or go to the loo unless someone else was in the room with the (sleeping) child. Although 24/7 cover is definitely not that unusual, after all the stars are out at all hours of the night and someone has to babysit, most employers will at least appreciate that a nanny who faints from hunger or is desperate to use the bathroom isn’t going to be the most effective caregiver and celebrity nannies often work in teams. Going to back to little Blue Ivy, she apparently has 6.

Although celebrities, like everyone else, want to give their kids the best start in life (hence the French speaker for that linguistic head start), what’s most important is that their children are safe and well-cared for when they can’t be around, just like everyone else.

Here at Nannyjob we say GOOD LUCK with finding the best possible nanny for Blue Ivy, and if that turns out to be you, we understand that you won’t be able to let us know!

Nanny contracts

If you’ve recently employed a nanny you should have signed a contract with them before handing over your children and the house keys, but you do have 2 months from the date your nanny starts work to provide your nanny with a written statement of employment so if you haven’t already then it’s not too late. You can find out more about the why and how of nanny contracts here and Nannyjob also provides 2 model contracts for you to download and use if you wish, and we’ve put together some additional pointers.

Agree a gross wage

As an employer you are responsible for deducting tax and National Insurance, leaving your nanny with their net pay. It’s important to put a gross wage in the contract so your nanny’s personal tax arrangements don’t result in overly-complex calculations each payment period.

 

Be precise about holiday

Each employee is entitled to 5.6 weeks holiday per year, which is 28 days for a full time worker and pro rata-ed down for a part-time worker. This includes any Bank Holidays, which means a full time worker will get 4 weeks plus 8 Bank Holidays. For part time workers the picture is more complex. A nanny who works Monday and Tuesday is entitled to 11.2 days (you can round up but not down) and will have 4 Bank Holidays on working days in 2014, leaving 7.2 days rather than 8 (which would be 4 working weeks) to choose. A nanny working Tuesday and Wednesday has only 1 Bank Holiday on working days in 2014, leaving 10.2 days of holiday. Allocating 4 working weeks or 8 days, would give less that the statutory minimum.

If your nanny works variable hours you might be better using an accrual method so both of you are clear in the contract how holiday will be worked out fairly.

 

Agree a list of duties

A written contract is the best reference for what duties have been agreed in case of any disputes further down the line. It’s also a useful tool for assessing and appraising performance, and if problems arise it gives clear indications of what can be considered poor performance for disciplinary purposes.

 

Define gross misconduct

In rare situations you may want to dismiss your nanny instantly without notice but there needs to be a provision in the contract for this. Common grounds for summary dismissal as a result of gross misconduct are child abuse, theft, using alcohol or illegal drugs whilst on duty and being found guilty of a serious criminal offence. Remember that if you dismiss your nanny for harming a child you have a responsibility to report that to the DBS.

When it doesn’t work out

Last week we posted about the ‘two week itch’, that point where the reality of your new job (or nanny) sinks in and you start to find things that you’re not happy with. Hopefully these issues can be resolved by communicating openly about your feelings and expectations and you can move forward happily. Unfortunately sometimes the situation doesn’t improve and you’re faced with a choice of bringing the arrangement to an end or persevering but being unhappy.

In a tough market it can be difficult to take the brave decision to give notice. If you’re still in the probationary period the contractual notice may be very short – perhaps one week instead of four, which doesn’t leave much time to find a new job or find a new nanny. You can give more notice that the minimum required but it’s good practice to agree on an end date and stick to that.

Notice should always be given in writing. You don’t need to give your reasons in the letter, but we would strongly recommend having an honest conversation about why you’re choosing to move on. It’s possible that you can still find a way forward, but equally if you just feel that you’re not a good fit for each other then be open about that. Sometimes it can be difficult to put your finger on exactly what’s up but things you can’t measure such as how similar your childcare styles are or how well a nanny has bonded with the children are very important to a good relationship.

Working through the notice period might feel awkard, because in many ways giving notice is personal rejection. Some employers may choose to pay in lieu of notice and it’s not uncommon to feel concern about a nanny’s commitment to the job once notice has been given by either party. Equally nannies might feel that the trust in the relationship has been broken and that can affect their work and allow resentment to build up. It’s still important to remain polite and respectful and work together for the benefit of the children. Maintaining an effective working relationship in dififcult circumstances is a sign of professionalism and maturity.

Some employers will take the notice period into account when writing a reference and some won’t. Some will refuse to provide a reference altogether but that can leave a nanny in a tricky situation. Employers should be prepared to at least provide a written reference confirming dates and duties, and if it was the employer’s choice to give notice and the reasons for terminating the contract are mentioned in a verbal reference they should make sure these were raised with the nanny and the nanny given opportunities to improve. Where the job was obtained through an agency the agency should be able to confirm to any future employer that it’s not a suspicious gap on the nanny’s CV.

If you need to have this difficult conversation then choose a time when the children are occupied and not just as one of you is about to rush out the door. It’s usually better to put it off for day but have the time to talk. Never leave a letter for the other party to find when you’re not around!

Could this be you?

Ricochet Productions, maker of Supernanny

are looking for

A Childcare Expert to front a new U.S.A TV Show advising celebrity parents on their parenting challenges!

Are you a confident, charismatic person with experience in childcare, and the talent to become a Supernanny to Celebs? Could you teach parents the tricks and techniques they need to manage their lifestyle and family unit?

Age or location isn’t an issue – but experience, personality and confidence are a must.  You must be able to draw on your personal experience to give advice to celebrity families troubleshooting their parental challenges. Experience of working with VIP or high profile families would be an advantage.

If this is you or someone you know, get in touch today!

E: harryet.bellwood-howard@ricochet.co.uk

T: 07905667251

Preparing for a new nanny job

 

What information do I need to have?

While it’s good practice for nannies to have certain information in writing there are no obligations, unless your nanny insurance states otherwise. Common requirements there are a signed contract, which proves you are permitted to be in charge of the child, and permission to administer over the counter or prescription medication. Other information should be in their red book, which should at least be stored somewhere you can access it, but do keep a record in your purse of their full names, dates of birth and important medical information just in case something happens when out and about.

Continue reading “Preparing for a new nanny job”

Never go back?

Yesterday you might have seen that Prince William has asked his former nanny to come out of retirement and act as a nanny to baby Prince George. At 71 Jessie Webb is a little older that your average nanny but her experience and close ties to the Royal Family count for a lot. She wouldn’t be the first nanny to go back to care for the second generation of a family – Norland Nanny Brenda Ashford whose career spanned 62 years went back to care for a former charge’s children too. Not many nannies will have that chance but it’s not unusual for a nanny to be asked to come back to a family they’ve previously worked for. Is this a good idea?

One school of thought says no, never go back. “There’s a reason you left,” they cry. “Leave the past where it belongs.”

There is some merit in this argument. Before you go back to an old nanny job think carefully what you liked and disliked about the job and why you left. What has changed that would prompt you to return, or even to stay away? Even if the job was perfect for you at the time there’s a risk that going back would spoil those memories.

Another school of thought asks “Why change for the sake of changing?”

This lot have a point too. There’s no point not going back for the sake of not going back. If you got on with the parents and the children, you liked the area, you’re needed once more because a parent has gone back to work or there’s a new baby and you’re job seeking then it all just clicks into place, and the familiarity factor may well swing that job for you over a new family who are a bit of an unknown quantity. Change isn’t always a good thing.

A further school of thought says “Why fix it if it ain’t broke?”

Of course, this is true too. If you’re happy in your current position and you’re approached by an old family what are your real motivations for going back? If you hadn’t been approached by them would you even consider leaving your job? It’s almost impossible to compare one family to another so unless there’s a significant advantage to going back to your old family then why leave a job you’re happy in?

So….never go back?

Ultimately that’s your decision to make! It obviously can work out, and if Jessie Webb chooses to go back we’re sure Prince George will be in excellent hands (and she’ll be able to embarass his dad by sharing old nursery tales), but if she doesn’t then that’s okay too! Reports say she’s worried about taking on a full time role again, and at 71 that’s understandable. She’s retired and absolutely deserves her rest because we know how hard nannies work (especially royal ones), but we also know how hard it can be for a nanny to leave a family for good. Whatever she decides, whatever you decide, good luck!

Playday, play every day

Yesterday was Playday 2013, a national celebration of play devoted to encouraging and promoting play for children. This year it was focused on play spaces and playing out in the great outdoors. How many of you played outside yesterday? Did it depend on the weather – too hot, too cold, too sunny, too rainy? Did it depend on whether you had ‘somewhere to go’ to play? Do you have an outdoor playspace near you?

Children today are often limited to sanitised parks and playgrounds, gardens with lawns and patios, discouraged from grubbing around in the dirt or rolling around on grass, climbing trees or picking flowers. Sometimes nannies (and childminder and parents too!) need to think outside the box a little, and make the most of the flexibility home based care affords.

You can find outdoor play spaces on the Woodland Trust website or via Fields In Trust or get involved in Groundwork’s initiatives in your area.

Once you’re there, what can you do? In a field you can run, jump, turn somersaults or cartwheels or have a wheelbarrow race. In a forest you can play hide and seek, climb a tree, make a den. Near a pond, lake or stream you can hunt for pond life, make a mud pie and lean how to skim stones across the water. On a beach you can paddle, fish for shrimps or crabs, make sandcastles. It doesn’t matter if it’s raining – if it’s warm just wear a t-shirt and shorts and take a towel and a change of clothes because everyone should get soaked through having fun at least once in their life!

And if you need some more ideas, the National Trust has 50 things you absolutely need to do and our Pinterest boards have ideas for outdoor fun, sensory play, games and activities and some practical tips and tricks too!

Play today, play every day!

Questions not to ask at interview

Interviewing can be a nerve wracking process and it’s understandable that families want to find out as much about their potential nanny as possible, but there are certain questions which should be avoided in case they lead to direct or indirect discrimination.

In some cases you may have reasons for wanting to know the information and feel that bring direct and open is the best way, but you must phrase your questions carefully so they are supported by a legitimate need and do not leave you open to claims of discrimination.

“Are you married/in a relationship?”

Why it’s bad: Questions about marital status can be seen as discrimatory, or trying to find out about sexual preferences.
Why you might want to know: If you’re hiring a live in nanny you might want to know whether they’re going to move their partner in too, or whether you’ll be waking up to a string of different ‘houseguests’
What you can say: “Would you expect to have guests to stay?”

“Do you have children?”

Why it’s bad: A nanny could claim that you discriminated against them if you didn’t give them the job and gave it to someone who didn’t have children.
Why you might want to know: A whole host of reasons, including whether the nanny is likely to want to bring their children to work regularly or occasionally or whether they have their own children to pick up from childcare, thus reducing their flexibility.
What you can say: “Do you have any obligations at home which may interfere with your attendance or ability to do this job and how do you plan to minimise the impact of those?

“Are you planning to have children soon?”

Why it’s bad: This is definitely discriminatory – although you are trying to reduce the impact of an employee going on maternity or paternity leave it’s illegal to ask this question.
Why you might want to know: A nanny planning to start a family will mean you need to find alternative childcare to cover the leave they are entitled to.
What you can say: Nothing. This is a risk you need to be prepared to take.

“Do you have a disability?”

Why it’s bad: Asking someone whether they have a disability contravenes legislation on equality.
Why you might want to know: Some disabilities may impair a nanny’s ability to do their job.
What you can say: You can focus on whether the applicant is able to do the job e.g. “Are you able to lift and carry my toddler?”. You can also ask whether you need to make reasonable adjustments once a job offer has been made. As an employer it is up to you to decide what is ‘reasonable’ in terms of your requirements. You may not be able to adjust working hours, for example, but you may be able to accommodate time off for treatment on a regular basis. If you are in any doubt we suggest you seek specialist advice.

“How old are you?”

Why it’s bad: Knowing someone’s age could lead to a claim of age discrimination. You must focus on someone’s ability to do the job, whether old or young.
Why you might want to know: Nosiness!
What you can say: Nothing.

“Where do you come from?”

Why it’s bad: Nationality and ethnicity should have no bearing on someone’s suitability as a nanny.
Why you might want to know: If you require your nanny to travel or if you have concerns about their right to work in the UK (which you should verify in any case) you may feel reassured by knowing their nationality. You may also think this is a friendly question inviting the nanny to talk about themselves. In rare cases it may be a genuine occupational requirement that a nanny holds a particular passport.
What you can say: “Are you able to travel within the EU without restrictions/to X with the appropriate visa?” “Can you provide evidence of your right to work in the UK?”

“What religion are you?”

Why it’s bad: This question is grounds for claiming discrimination.
Why you might want to know: If you want your nanny to support your religious practices you might think the simplest way is if they belong to your religion.
What you can say: “We are Jewish/Hindu/Catholic and would like you to respect our traditions and support our children in their religious development. Do you feel comfortable doing that?”

Childcare to go!

Whether it’s action-packed adventure or chilling in the sun, more and more families are taking childcare with them on holiday. Travelling is increasingly part of a permanent nanny’s job or a temporary nanny can provide flexible, consistent, tailor-made childcare for families who just want a helping hand on holiday.*

 

3 things to talk about

– Money : For permanent nannies working normal hours means normal pay. Employers are responsible for paying all out-of-pocket expenses including flights, accommodation, food and travel insurance. If accommodation is limited then remember that nannies who have to share a room with the children usually expect to be paid a bit extra to compensate for the inconvenience, especially if a child still wakes in the night.
– Time off: Any time a nanny is expected to be present counts as work. Great bosses make it clear when nanny is welcome to relax by themselves or go out, and try to keep the children from barging in, just as a nanny would if asked to occupy the children while their bosses relax. Most nannies are happy to swap a morning for an evening babysitting or travel on a Sunday for a chance to shop or sightsee midweek but respect the hours agreed in the contract, even if they aren’t the usual 8am-6pm.
– Travelling time: In general travelling days, where the nanny travels with the family, are paid and as travelling can be lengthy (especially if it involves a 4am start) some overtime might be expected too. If employers happy to book a seat in a separate section of the plane then their nanny could have that time off during the day but chances their assistance will be wanted and they’re still prevented from spending the time as they choose.

 

2 Notes for nannies

– Check your nanny insurance. Most will cover you for travel with your permanent family for a certain number of days per year within the EU but there may be exclusions and this doesn’t replace travel or medical insurance for you!
– Don’t expect it to be a holiday for: it might be sunny, there might be a pool but you are still on duty!

 

1 top tip

– We hope travelling with your nanny or employers will be enjoyable, but if it doesn’t work out then don’t let it ruin a good relationship!