Category: au pairs

How Nannies Can Help Children Cope With Parents’ Divorce

If you nanny for a family who is breaking up and going through a divorce or separation, it can be a real task to help get the kids through things, as well as to carry on your general nanny duties throughout this unstable time for all involved.

Children of any age can be deeply affected by their parents divorcing, even if they appear to be coping well on the outside, and it is a known fact that the bond with a caregiver may be the most stable relationship for the child during a divorce. In this situation, the nanny is seen as a caring adult who can provide a different perspective on things and not be full of the emotion that the child’s parents would be at the time – this can be a real relief for the child.

So, here are some ways that as a nanny you can really help the parents, children, and yourself, in a divorce or separation situation:

Communication 

You need to know what the parents want you to know, and more importantly what they want you to say to the child. Be as straightforward as possible, and ask the parents to sit down with you and help you to do your best by their child, by briefing you properly on things. It may be painful, but it’s necessary.

Set out your stand

If you see your position as long term and would like to carry on working for the family (and they still want / can afford to employ you), then make it clear that you understand this is a difficult time, but that you will need to know where and what hours you will be required to work from now on. Make it clear that for you to do your job, you need to be in the loop with any custody and visitation issues at the very least. Remember this is a business relationship when all is said and done, and they should still respect that.

Patience is a virtue

Whatever reaction the child has, make sure you are patient and let them go through it. The last thing the child needs is for the one stable adult influence to be pressuring them to be ‘mature’ or not get too upset. If they are allowed to go through the emotions they feel, they will eventually come through the other side, and trust you all the more.

Reassurance

Use reassuring language, and if the child has a tactile nature, then give lots of hugs. Answer any questions they may ask you as best you can, based on what the parents have told you. Reassure the child that they are NOT responsible for the divorce, and repeat this as much as possible. In all the chaos the parents may have forgotten the incredible importance of this.

Keep normal schedules and routines

Encourage parents to do the same at home. Try not to change any more things than necessary, so that the child can feel as secure and ‘normal’ as they possibly can.

Encourage parents

If you have a good relationship with the parents, try to encourage them to spend a bit more time with the child when your shift starts and ends. If, for example, a dad has moved out of the family home, when he is in your place of work with the child, leave them alone for a little while, so he can have some valuable moments when he might not have done.

Remember that above all, the most important thing is to be a stable, calm and consistently positive influence for the child at this trying time. This will help you grow as a nanny, increase the bond that you have with the family, and very importantly help the children in their time of need.

Do you agree with our thoughts on this extremely sensitive issue? Post a comment or let us know your thoughts on our Facebook page…

 

 

 

Changing Career And Becoming A Nanny

With the economy and the job market struggling, there has been an increase in the number of people rethinking just how they can carve out a career for themselves. There are many people who previously did totally different jobs with no link to child care who are now wanting to go about getting into the industry. Here we outline the best ways to get into nannying if you don’t know where to start and have no experience, but know it’s where you see your career heading.

Start with the end in mind

Like starting any career, ask yourself where you see yourself in 5 years time, or even in 20 years time! It’s always best to begin something with a clear goal, and stick to it. Write down what you want from this career change, and ultimately where you see it taking you, and keep referring to it as you go to keep on track mentally.

Qualifications and experience

The good news is that there are no legal qualifications that you have to hold to become a nanny. However, this can be a double edged sword in cases, as parents will want to be as sure as possible that you can cope with the job, if they can’t see it written on a formal black and white certificate.

There are courses you can do to show that you are capable, including CACHE (the officially recognised Awarding Body for Early Years, Care and Education, and Play-work). Another way to prove you’re serious is to join the voluntary section of the General Childcare Register, which is administered by Ofsted, and covers things like Paediatric First Aid training (something that potential employers will want you to have).

As with anything else, the more experience you have, generally the more able you will be, so gain as much experience with children outside your family as possible, whether this is helping out at local playgroups, or babysitting for friends. This is a great way to use case studies as examples when being interviewed for a nannying job, and will put faith into  parents that you can handle situations with children alone.

Learning

Be aware that potential employers will expect you to help with their child’s key stages of development. You’ll be expected to plan and organise fun activities to help development and learning, so it is worth looking into registering on courses that would help you with this. There are many courses out there, and it helps that you can use distance learning. A great place to start is to have a look at our list at http://www.nannyjob.co.uk/information/general/qualifications.aspx, and check out the list on www.childcarecollege.co.uk.

References

If you have no experience in the industry, it is still worth getting character references from previous employers, even if from a totally different sector. Potential employers will want to know about how trustworthy you are, what your timekeeping is like, and what kind of motivation levels you have, no matter what you did previously.

Know what you will and won’t do

Does the idea of walking the family dog fill you with dread? Are you happy to be asked to do the household ironing? Before you advertise your services as a nanny, prepare yourself to be asked to do things that are not strictly childcare based. Most nannies do nursery duties, which is anything related to the child within reason, so washing and ironing, and tidying the bedroom and playroom, as well as cooking meals would all most likely be expected of you. If there is anything that you really wouldn’t want to do then make it clear from the start.

The Nannyjob website should be a great source of information to help you get to grips with learning and beginning your new career, and ultimately to get a fantastic position! Good luck from the Nannyjob team.

Food For Thought: How To Encourage Healthy Eating

As a nanny one of your most important duties is to make sure the children in your care eat properly. This may sound simple enough, and parents may take it for granted that you will make sure their child eats well, but what happens if you find yourself face to face with the fussiest eater you’ve ever met – in the form of the small child in your care?!

It can be a real worry if a little one will only ever eat when or what they want to. It could be that parents do not experience this with their child, and the child may be trying to exercise an element of control over their environment when in your care. Having personally nannied for a 5 year old who only ever wanted jam sandwiches, I know from experience how frustrating it can be – but fear not, this did change over time, as he started to put more trust into the slightly more unfamiliar things in all areas of his life.

As always we are here to share our top tips if you find yourself in this kind of situation:

  • Don’t make it a big deal! Inwardly, you might be screaming, but try not to let the child see that this bothers you so much. Depending on the reason for the fussiness, the child may feel like they have ‘won’ if they see it bothering you, or in other cases they may start thinking there is something wrong with them – neither situation is good, so keep cool and very slowly over time start encouraging them to eat more / other things. The calmer you are about it, the more likely they are to be calm and compliant too.
  • Get them involved. It’s a known fact that a child is twice as likely to eat a meal that they have helped to prepare. As well as being educational and fun, getting a child to safely help out with food preparation will help improve their relationship with food. Start with taking them grocery shopping, so they can see the whole process from the start, and start to see it as fun.
  • Appropriate portions. We all know what it’s like when presented with a large and over facing meal. The immediate reaction is to feel a negative connotation with the meal and feel as though you can’t eat it before you even start. Well, this is the same for our smaller friends! You may think you’re doing them a favour by trying to get them to ‘eat it all otherwise no pudding’, but this is often the wrong way to go about things. Limit portion size, so that the child is not over faced, and they will feel proud of themselves for finishing a (much easier to manage) meal.
  • Timing. Make sure you only go about introducing new foods at appropriate times. A good example of this is if a child is hungry and / or rested or in a good mood. They are far more likely to try something new in this case. Also, make sure you only ever introduce one new thing at a time, again so as not to over face the child.
  • Mix it up. If you really want to introduce a certain food group that you know won’t be accepted too well by a fussy child, try introducing it at the same time as serving a favourite food. This will make the child more likely to try the other food on his plate as well as his favourite. If he ignores the new food, don’t fuss, just quietly try again next time.
  • Lead by example. It may help to actually sit and eat the same meal that you are trying to encourage, with the child. As we know, children like to imitate, and if you make sure that you, the child, and any siblings get into the routine of eating the same things, together at the table, then it often helps to encourage the fussy child to eat the same.

 If you are finding that the issue seems to last for a really long period of time, it may be that there is a deeper rooted problem, and consulting a doctor or dietician is advised.

Oh brother! How To Handle Sibling Rivalry…

Sibling rivalry has existed as long as families. Think back to Biblical times and Joseph’s problems with his brothers, or of the horrible time Cinderella had with her stepsisters!

In some cases, right from the moment a younger child is born a sense of rivalry is evident, with one or more child feeling the need to fight for the attention of a parent or nanny; or be more successful at certain games or classes, whether they have been given any real need to or not. Other siblings develop this later on, when school, sport and activities become more a part of life, and of course, there are lucky families where there is no sign of any of this at all.

Of course, each child is born with a natural rite of passage to find their niche within the family dynamic. We usually expect this to happen fairly naturally, and even if we do everything we can to encourage individuality and peaceful relationships, this doesn’t always run as smoothly as we would like. We tend to think that children are blank canvases in many ways, but just like adults, they have personality traits unique to them and which can clash with those of others.

Spending most of their time with their siblings in the early years, it doesn’t take much to work out that this can be where these clashes start to occur. According to child psychologist Sylvia Rimm, sibling rivalry is particularly intense when children are very close in age and of the same gender, or where one child is intellectually gifted.

So how do we deal with siblings who see themselves as opponents in some way? And how do we make sure that sibling rivalry doesn’t develop into a horrible case of adult envy? Whether it starts in early childhood or later on, here are our top tips:

  • Avoid ‘labelling’ – it’s a difficult task praising one child whilst trying not to make another feel left out, but try not to use labels for each child, e.g ‘the sporty one’ or ‘the naughty one’. You can bet your life that the siblings of each of these will automatically feel like the total opposite, i.e. bad at sports and therefore inferior, or more well behaved and therefore superior. Labels simply add fuel to the fire of sibling rivalry.
  • Look at your own relationship – what example are you showing your children? Do they witness you and your partner rowing or criticising each other? If this is the case, you can’t expect your children not to do the same. They see this behaviour as normal, and are confused if you pull them up on it whilst doing the same thing and getting away with it. Don’t show your child how to be a hypocrite – try to put more positivity into your own relationship and you’ll see a change in theirs.
  • Encourage teamwork – by encouraging siblings to work together projects, you’ll increase the strength of the bond between them. Try to set them a little task every day together, which takes concentration and will hold their interest. If it’s time to put toys away, set the clock and get them both to race against it, instead of against each other. For sporty older kids set up a football game where they play together against other children on the street. Get ‘girlie’ sisters to create a beauty therapy centre at home where they both give you equal amounts of treatments together, meaning they get the best of your attention and help each other at the same time. The chances are they’ll get so engrossed in doing these tasks right that they’ll be on each others side for a while afterwards.
  • Show them the difference between fairness and equality – if a younger child is upset because the older one gets to stay up longer, explain that this is fair because of the age difference. They are still equal, and remind the younger one of fair privileges that they get for being younger, for example not having as much homework to do. If they can grasp this and be reminded of it, you’ll hopefully hear less of the old ‘it’s not fair!’ from now on!
  • Set aside “alone time” for each child.  This is so important. Whether you’re a nanny or a parent, make sure you set at least a few minutes most days for one on one time. It’s amazing how much even 10 minutes of uninterrupted one-on-one time can mean to a child, and this can be a perfect time to encourage the child to talk to you about the things that they love about their brother or sister, whilst giving them the praise and attention that they need themselves.

These guidelines will hopefully help to make life easier for parents or nannies looking after siblings with difficulties. If you feel that there is more of a deep seated issue, it may be worth contacting a child psychologist who will be able to help further.

Do you agree with our ideas here? Either way, we welcome your comments on our blog and of course via our very active Facebook page …

Coronavirus COVID-19

We appreciate nannies have a number of questions and are understandably feeling extremely
anxious.

At BAPN we don’t pretend to have all the answers, in fact no one currently has – not even our
government or medical experts worldwide. The Coronavirus is a new virus. However, based on the
more common queries we’re receiving, we’d like to offer the following information and hope it
proves useful:

What’s happening?
The government and its health advisers are telling us that large numbers of the country’s workforce
are likely to be absent at any one time as the Coronavirus takes hold. We appreciate this is worrying
but bear in mind there will be varying degrees of symptoms, some no worse than the usual winter
flu.
Of course the impact on nannies won’t just be if they become ill or have to self-isolate. A further
unknown is what will happen in the event of schools and nursery closures? Just as their employer is
likely to need them more, nannies with their own children could find it impossible to go to work.
Likewise, those who have partners or dependents who become ill may also need to stay home…. and
so it goes on. The situation as it develops will have a major impact on all of us.
The best advice we can offer right now is that by working together and having open dialogue,
nannies and their employers can avoid unnecessary panic. Employers MUST adhere to government
guidance and if their nanny has to self-isolate so be it. Infected nannies or those who could
potentially be at risk, must self-isolate and stay at home and not show up for work as a result of
either misplaced loyalty or employer pressure. This is no different for a live-in nanny, the same
applies although it does come with additional challenges when the nanny’s home is that of the
employer.

Your Employment
Many employers in various industries are already considering allowing their workforce, where
possible, to work from home during this current crisis. However, the majority of nannies are simply
not able to work from home. That said, government guidance is still relevant and the requirement
on employers to treat their nanny fairly still applies. Nannies must not be put at risk simply
because of the nature of their employment.

Self-isolation
The government is currently recommending that anyone who has recently visited certain “high risk”
countries or regions, or has had recent contact with someone who has, should isolate themselves.

For updated information relating to countries or regions considered “high risk” please visit https://publichealthmatters.blog.gov.uk/2020/02/20/what-is-self-isolati…
We understand the list of high-risk areas is being updated on a daily basis.
The government has also set out guidance on measures to take while in isolation: https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/wuhan-novel-coronavirus-self…
You should familiarise yourself of these measures regardless of whether you are feeling ill or not.
If you know you have been in contact with someone who has a confirmed case of Coronavirus, or if
you have symptoms and, having contacted the NHS 111 line it was recommended you self-isolate,
you should follow instructions to the letter.

To get help from NHS 111, you can:
• visit 111.nhs.uk (for people aged 5 and over only)
• call 111
• NHS 111 is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

A period of suspension

Should an employer have concerns about an employee, in particular, where it is known or suspected
that they had contact with someone known to have Coronavirus, they might decide to suspend as a
precautionary measure. This is acceptable and must be on full pay unless the employee’s
employment contract allows for suspension without pay. This would be most unusual.

Sickness absence

It’s likely that this might become tricky for employers and employees on the basis that it will not only
be those who are ill that are off work but also those looking after family members who are ill or
those with children in the event of schools and nurseries being closed.
Please note: Employers are not obliged to pay their employee if s/he is not sick but cannot come to
work because they have been advised to self-isolate. Your employer can choose to treat this period
as sick leave and pay following their usual sick pay procedures or, offer you the option of taking
annual leave or unpaid leave.

Statutory Sick pay (SSP)

Eligibility for SSP can seem complicated at the best of times.
To qualify for Statutory Sick Pay (SSP) you must:
• be classed as an employee
• have been ill for at least 4 days in a row (this can include non-working days), however the
government has temporarily changed the rules on this meaning payment will come in from
day 1 for COVID-19 symptoms or self-isolation.
• earn an average of at least £118 per week
• Tell your employer you’re sick before their deadline – or within 7 days if they do not have
one
The SSP payment is currently £94.25 per week
If you do not qualify for SSP, you may be able to apply for Universal Credit or Employment and
Support Allowance, and the government has made temporary changes in this regard. See their
website for the most up-to-date information.

Occupational sick pay

Many nannies, not all, will receive sick pay as set out in their employment contracts. All nannies
should dig out a copy of their current contract and be familiar with its terms, in particular, what
happens when the nanny is ill / unable to work.
It is most unlikely that your contract will include self-isolation, time off to care for infected family
members but nonetheless, be familiar with what is included.
Nannies are urged to speak with their employers about “What If”. What will happen in cases of
illness or isolation? Have this conversation as soon as possible and agree a strategy before anything
happens. We’d advise an inclusion is added to the employment contract so that expectations are
met and understood.

Sick Notes / Fit Notes Certificates of Sickness Absence

An employer will normally require you to produce a doctor’s certificate, or ‘fit note’, after 7 days
absence. Coronavirus symptoms are likely to last more than 7 days, and if you are unwell or in
isolation, it will be difficult for you to obtain a doctors’ certificate. In these circumstances, the
government has ruled that an e-mail confirmation of diagnoses will be enough for Coronavirus
COVID-19 and those in self-isolation. You can access more information online via NHS 111.

What if I don’t / can’t go to work through the current crisis?

There is no legal right for employees to be paid under these circumstances or if a school / nursery
closes and an employee is required to care for a dependent. Your employer could offer you a period
of paid annual leave or unpaid leave or allow you to work from home where this is feasible.
BAPN is urging all nannies to check their current employment contract and to have a conversation
with their employer now, before such a problem arises.

Lay Off

Employees who are willing and able to work but are not provided with work by their employer can
be placed on “lay off”.
Lay off must be with full pay unless there is a provision within the contract of employment for lay off
without pay. If there is no contractual provision, employers can attempt to agree with employees a
period of unpaid lay off. BAPN is aware that many employment contracts provided by nanny
agencies and some nanny payroll providers allow for lay off and therefore you should check your
contract closely.

Providing information, advice and guidance

There is a duty on all employers to keep their employees informed with up-to-date, reliable
information from sources like the Department for Health and Public Health England and nanny
employers are no different. BAPN is aware of some really dubious sources of misinformation, in
particular, that found on Facebook! This is far too serious a subject. Only seek information from
reliable sources only. Such as:

 https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/coronavirus-covid-19/

https://www.who.int/docs/default-source/coronaviruse/getting-workplace-ready-for-covid-19.pdf

https://www.hse.gov.uk/news/coronavirus.htm

 

 

Zero-Hours contracts

‘Zero hours contract’ is a non-legal term used to describe many different types of casual agreements between an employer and an individual.

Generally speaking, a zero hours contract is one in which the employer does not guarantee the individual any hours of work. The employer offers the individual work when it arises, and the individual can either accept the work offered, or decide not to take up the offer of work on that occasion.

Regardless of how many hours are offered, the employer must pay at least the National Minimum Wage.

Everyone employed on a zero hours contract is entitled to statutory employment rights. There are no exceptions.

A person will benefit from the employment rights associated with their employment status and individuals on a zero hours contract will either have the employment status of a ’worker’ or an ‘employee’.

Any individual on a zero hours contract who is a ‘worker’ will be entitled to at least the National Minimum Wage, paid annual leave, rest breaks and protection from discrimination.

Unpaid Parental Leave

Eligible employees can take unpaid parental leave to look after their child’s welfare, for example,

spend more time with their children

look at new schools

settle children into new childcare arrangements

spend more time with family, such as visiting grandparents

Their employment rights are protected during parental leave.

Parental leave is unpaid. Employees are entitled to 18 weeks leave for each child and adopted child, up to their 18th birthday.

The limit on how much parental leave each parent can take in a year is 4 weeks for each child (unless the employer agrees otherwise).

You must take parental leave as whole weeks (eg 1 week or 2 weeks) rather than individual days, unless your employer agrees otherwise or if your child is disabled. You don’t have to take all the leave at once.

Employees qualify if all of these apply:

they’ve been in the company for more than a year

they’re named on the child’s birth or adoption certificate or they have or expect to have parental responsibility

Employees must give 21 days’ notice before their intended start date. If they or their partner are having a baby or adopting, it’s 21 days before the week the baby or child is expected.

Employees must confirm the start and end dates in their notice. Unless an employer requests it, this doesn’t have to be in writing.

Discrimination

It is against the law to treat someone less favourably than someone else because of a personal characteristic such as religion, sex, gender reassignment or age.

Discrimination can include:

  • not hiring someone
  • selecting a particular person for redundancy
  • paying someone less than another worker without good reason

You can discriminate against someone even if you do not intend to. For example, you can discriminate indirectly by offering working conditions or rules that disadvantage one group of people more than another.

Discrimination in Job adverts

You must not state or imply in a job advert that you’ll discriminate against anyone. This includes saying that you are not able to cater for workers with a disability.

Only use phrases like ‘recent graduate’ or ‘highly experienced’ when these are actual requirements of the job. Otherwise you could discriminate against younger or older people who might not have had the opportunity to get qualifications.

Where you advertise might cause indirect discrimination – for example, advertising only in men’s magazines.

Bank Holidays

Bank Holidays 2020

2020 is upon us and it is always handy to have a list of the bank holidays for the year and what day of the week they fall on.

These are the dates of the bank holidays in 2020 for England.
1 January Wednesday New Year’s Day
10 April Friday Good Friday
13 April Monday Easter Monday
8 May Friday Early May Bank Holiday
25 May Monday Spring bank holiday
31 August Monday Summer bank holiday
25 December Friday Christmas Day
28 December Monday Boxing Day

 

If a bank holiday is on a weekend, a ‘substitute’ weekday becomes a bank holiday, normally the following Monday.

It is worth noting that if nanny does not work 5 days a week that she is still entitled to bank holidays on a pro rata basis, for example if nanny only works 3 days per week then she is still entitled to 3/5ths of the 8 bank holidays whether her working day falls on a bank holiday or not.

Blue Monday

Today is Blue Monday, supposedly one of the most depressing days of the year, based on the weather, debt, time since Christmas, lack of motivation and many other factors. Undoubtedly, we probably all feel a little low at this time of year for a whole host of reasons. But for those people that genuinely suffer with depression every single day Blue Monday is just another day to them.

Depression in adults is a condition we’re all familiar with. Most adults have at some point felt mildly depressed and a surprising proportion of the population has suffered from clinical depression, whether treated or not.  Although there is still a huge stigma around saying that someone as an individual is or has been depressed, it’s no longer the hidden condition it once was. Depression in children and teenagers, on the other hand, is much less widely acknowledged but potentially very serious.

What on earth do children have to be depressed about?

We may cast our minds back to the halcyon days of our own childhood and wonder what there is to become stressed and depressed about but firstly childhood was never that simple and secondly today’s children are facing an infinitely more complex world with shifting social norms, advancing technology and mounting media pressure. In Hollywood everyone is popular, rich and happy, the guy always gets the girl and we all live happily ever after. This can set up dangerous expectations for real life and if children can gorge on this constructed reality, they can end up feeling like they’ll never be good enough. If we’re honest with ourselves we were all anxious about school and schoolwork, keeping up with our friends and living up to parental expectations and today’s children are no different, even though the challenges they face are. It becomes more complicated when children become adolescents because the maelstrom of hormones, which leads to tears, tantrums, rage and rebellion, can mask depression – it all gets put down simply to being a teenager. It’s especially important at this time to watch out for anything out of the ordinary which continues over a lengthy period as it may point to a deeper issue.

How can I spot depression?

Knowing what is normal for your child or charge is key, and that can only be achieved by keeping the lines of communication open. It’s difficult when your efforts are met with angry rejection but keep letting them know you’re listening and do genuinely listen to what they say even if it seems insignificant to you. A constant refusal to communicate may be a sign that something is troubling them, but they don’t know how to talk to you about it. In this case be guided by your instincts and you may need to seek professional help along with your child. Although it may feel like a betrayal at the time, a child will get over that faster than untreated depression.

Surely my child is too young to be depressed.

 In fact, depression can hit children as young as 2 or 3 years old so there’s no such thing as too young. The number rises sharply in adolescence, with girls twice as likely to suffer as boys at this point. Rest assured, depression in very young children is likely to be the result of physical or emotional trauma and rarely manifests in healthy children with a secure attachment to their parents. Children who are at risk of depression, be it from chronic illness or emotional disturbances in their life, are likely to be offered additional help, perhaps in the form of play therapy or counselling.

That said, although depression in children is rare it’s important to remember that it does still exist and shouldn’t be discounted because of age.

How can I prevent depression?

There is no one way to prevent depression but setting an example of a healthy, realistic lifestyle is a good start. Plenty of exercise and fresh air along with a good diet will help keep the brain’s chemistry in balance and ensuring plenty of time for relaxation and play is vital for relieving stress. Good communication skills lay the foundation for open and honest exchanges about emotions and will safeguard your relationship throughout the difficult teenage years. It’s never too early to talk to children, be honest with them and accept them for who they are, encourage them to express their feelings and give age-appropriate explanations for what they see in the world around them.

Get into the habit of looking for the good in life. At the end of the day encourage children to focus on the good things that have happened and consider encouraging older children who don’t want to be tucked in any more to keep a positivity journal. The act of reflecting on what has gone well prevents a spiral of negativity and a journal can be a source of encouragement when times get tough.

For more information please visit www.youngminds.org.uk