Positive Parenting Techniques

We all know that if you have one or more children in your care for any length of time, feeling like being consistently positive about their behaviour (instead of tearing your hair out and yelling like a banshee) can be a real mean feat.

The experts tell us that ‘positive parenting’ – i.e. encouraging positive traits a child might have when you might normally want to pull them up on a misbehaviour, is actually the best way to train them into behaving. Becoming angry is generally not an effective way of disciplining a child. But how easy is this in reality? When you’re at the end of a long day and your patience is being tested by a naughty little one, could you really just be positive?

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Online Safety For Kids: What Parents And Nannies Need To Know

Keeping up with and supervising children’s online activity can be challenging, especially when they have their own computers, smartphones and tablets. www.getsafeonline.org helps us give you a guide below to understand the risks.

The Risks

Inappropriate contact: from people who may wish to abuse, exploit or bully them.
Inappropriate conduct: because of their own and others’ online behaviour, such as the personal information they make public. They may also become either targets or perpetrators of cyberbullying.
Inappropriate content: being able to access sexually explicit, racist, violent, extremist or other harmful material.
Commercialism: directing aggressive advertising and marketing material at children.
Children gaining access to your own personal information stored on your computer.
Children enabling viruses and spyware by careless or misinformed use of your computer.

Keeping Children Safe Online

There are a number of online age-appropriate educational resources available to parents/guardians and teachers, and children themselves, covering every aspect of online safety for children.

You should also take the following measures. Remember that these factors will change as children grow up and should be reconsidered regularly.

Set ground rules about use of the internet, email and texts. They should learn to take responsibility for their own actions and develop their own judgement.
Make children aware that online contacts may not be who they say they are.
Children must keep personal details private.
Ensure that they use a family email address when filling in online forms.
They must never meet unsupervised with anyone they have contacted via the internet.
Get children to report concerns about conversations, messages and behaviours to you or another known and trusted adult. Encourage them to share their internet experience with you and make it a shared family experience.
Get children to report bullying online, by text or phone immediately to you.
Use the parental control settings on your browser, search engine and internet security package.
Alternatively, consider buying specialist parental control software.
Block pop-ups and spam emails.
Consider enabling online access from only a family computer located in a shared room.
Always sit with younger children when they are online.
Consider choosing a child-friendly home page in your browser settings.
Learn the language of chatrooms and log on yourself so you know how it works.
Consider setting up a family e-mail account which can be used specifically to register for websites, competitions etc.
Tell your children not to illegally copy copyrighted content such as music, films or software.
Ensure that your children do not have access to your logon account so that they cannot access, alter or delete your files.
Take care to limit children’s access to credit card and bank information. Similarly, ensure they cannot gain access to an online shop or other website where your details are stored.
Set limits on when they can use the computer, and for how long.
Remember that a lot of the above advice also applies to your children’s use of mobile phones, tablets and games consoles.

Further Help and Reporting

If you suspect a paedophile may be grooming or trying to befriend your child – or your child is being stalked or harassed – contact the Child Exploitation and Online Protection Centre (CEOP) or your local Police.

Source: getsafeonline.org

Maybe Baby….? Reasons You Might Not Know You’re Pregnant (Until You’re In Labour!)

A 21 year old British female soldier gave birth while serving on the front line in Afghanistan while not realising she was pregnant – even despite an 8km run as part of her training! Although born almost 5 weeks early, mum and baby are both in a stable condition and are due to be flying home in the next few days.

Yes, if you’ve ever given birth, this is REALLY hard to imagine! Most of us put on at least a couple of stone, and by the end of pregnancy feel very much as though it is dominating our entire being, so it is difficult to imagine how anybody could get to the later stages of pregnancy and not realise it. Surely she felt SOMETHING, right?! Well, in some cases women do not show a bump and continue to have periods for the duration of the pregnancy.

Research conducted in Germany in 2002 found that 25 out of 475 mothers did not realise they were pregnant until they went into labour.

‘How can this be?’ we hear you ask…. As ever, the Oracle that is Nannyjob comes to the rescue with the most common reasons this might happen:

Body weight

The extra pounds associated with pregnancy may not be as noticeable for women who are already overweight. Excess body fat, especially around the stomach area, can help hide the presence of a baby – even from its mother. It’s also important to note that not all pregnant women carry their unborn babies similarly, which influences how large and round a woman’s belly may appear. If baby is growing tucked high under the ribs, or settles in a breach position, it can be much harder to detect pregnancy.

Few side effects

Most pregnancies induce morning sickness, tender breasts, headaches, food cravings, back pain, soreness and weight gain. Since the hormones related to pregnancy affect different women in different ways, it’s not surprising that some experience different pains and sensations, and rarely some experience barely any at all.

Irregular menstrual cycles

Occasionally, pregnant women continue to experience period-like bleeding, which deceives them into thinking they’re not pregnant.

Stress

Stress can negatively affect a woman’s attitude toward pregnancy. Immense pressure and distress can push even the healthiest of women to deny the reality of pregnancy. Stress can affect the regularity of a woman’s menstrual cycle, so a woman who misses a period because she’s pregnant may falsely attribute her irregularity to stress

An inactive baby

Whether the baby rests in such a way that makes its movements hard to detect or it’s simply less active than others babies, movement in the womb — or lack thereof — can shape a woman’s perception of her pregnancy.

Mistaking pregnancy symptoms with another health issue

In some circumstances, a woman might not know she’s pregnant because she believes her pregnancy symptoms are caused by some other health problem. Women with a history of ovarian complications such as tumours or cysts may attribute discomfort or pain to their previous condition.

Source: Discovery Fit & Health

Here at Nannyjob we wish the British soldier and her new baby all the very best, and a safe journey back to their family in the UK.

Paternity Leave – Do Dads Get A Fair Deal?

When it comes to statutory paternity leave, how happy are we as parents? The lines in which specific gender roles once fitted have become less and less defined over time when it comes to work and child rearing, so what was once seen as a bonus amount of time for daddy to spend with his new baby, can now be seen as unfairly short.

The first few weeks of a baby’s life bring about some of the most precious moments we will ever spend with them, as well as probably one of the biggest culture shocks! Most parents would agree that having both of them around at this time to support one another – as well as baby, is hugely important. So with paternity leave at a standard of 2 weeks against the 52 weeks that mums get for maternity leave, do dads get a tough deal from the government?

Research in 2010 showed that new fathers with long enough service at a company were entitled to £124.88 a week for two weeks paternity leave, or 90% of their average weekly wage if that was lower. Assuming a 40 hour working week, this figure came in far below the minimum wage!

It’s a very confusing message to the modern dad… one who is made to believe that ‘co-parenting’ and working spouses each taking equal roles in child care are the done thing. Indeed just 29% of people now believing that parenting is solely a mothers job. Yet fathers are given little or no choice over how much time they can spend away from work and with his child at the beginning of this ‘equal’ new role he and his spouse have taken.

Damion Queva, owner of top dad’s magazine FQ, can see an argument from both fathers and an employers view points:

“There are a lot of very good businesses which already allow paternity leave beyond the statutory minimum. They recognise that a happy employee with a good work life balance will be a loyal employee… At the same time, I think it is reasonable for workers to give plenty of notice, clear their desks before they go off, maybe come in a bit earlier and leave a bit later before their leave starts.

“Times have changed, and so have our priorities, but that applies to employers as well as their employees.”

Are you a Dad who wishes for more paternity leave? Are you a parent who has come up with an innovative way round this problem that you’re willing to share?! Either way, post a comment to the blog or our Facebook page with your thoughts…

Separation Anxiety: When Does It Become A Problem?

The thought of hiring a nanny for the first time can be a daunting one for any parent. Mixed with the added concern about whether or not your child will take well to the nanny (and vice-versa!), the last thing you might consider is whether or not your little one is actually ok with you leaving for work each day – a situation that is probably totally new to them.

You and your child may both experience an element of separation anxiety as and when you return to work, which if course is entirely natural. If, however, you are worried about the level of anxiety your child is experiencing, or if this continues for longer than you think is natural for your child, it may be time to look further into how you and your nanny can help ease the situation.

What is child separation anxiety?

This is a normal part of child development, and can occur from as young as 8months. As the child gets older, it should fade away. Sometimes, however, a child’s fear about separation seems resurface from nowhere after time, or to build up more as time passes. If anxieties are prominent enough to get in the way of school or other activities, this can be a sign that a child has a separation anxiety disorder, and you may want to call on the help of a professional. There are also lots of things that as a parent or a nanny you can do to help.

Some common symptoms of separation anxiety becoming a disorder:

Complaints from the child of feeling physically ill, such as tummy ache or head ache upon separation or just before.
An irrational fear that something terrible may happen to a loved one whilst separated from them.
Nightmares about separation from loved ones.
Fear of going to school or nursery, or a straight refusal of doing so.
Reluctance to go to sleep, for fear of being alone.

Why might my child have a separation anxiety disorder?

Getting to the bottom of the reasons behind a child’s separation anxiety disorder makes you much more likely to help them. The following are common reasons that your child may be experiencing this:

Your anxieties. Parent’s own insecurities and anxieties about separation from the child are felt by your child more than you may think, and it is possible that the child is feeding from them, and learning part of this behaviour from you. Don’t panic if this rings true with you – as soon as you act in a more relaxed way around your child, they should begin to respond.
A change in normal routine – this is likely to be the case if you have recently introduced a nanny and are going back to work.
Any recent stressful situations – this might include moving house, a new sibling being born, falling out with a best friend, or the loss of a beloved pet.

Dealing with child separation anxiety disorder – Tips for parents:

Let your child get to know a new caregiver first. If you need to leave your child with a new nanny who they do not know, give them a chance to get to know each other while you’re still around, so they feel safe.
Create a positive spin. Reassuring your child that mummy and daddy are going away for a little while, but will always be home in a matter of hours, helps to give them something positive to focus on when you leave.
Talk it through. Getting down to your child’s physical level, listening to what they say and explaining that you understand how they are feeling can really help. Just as much as adults, children pick up on when someone is trying to understand them, and are likely to feel comforted by this.
Leave without fuss. Instead of reacting to your child’s anxiety by making a fanfare when you leave the house, kiss them goodbye, tell them that you will be back within a matter of hours and go.
Set boundaries. Make sure your child knows that although you understand how they are feeling and are trying to help, there are also rules that need to be followed.
Give praise. Make sure that any accomplishments, even seemingly small ones like eating all of their dinner, is praised, to help the child feel good about themselves as often as possible.

Dealing with child separation anxiety disorder – Tips for nannies:

Consistency. If you feel that a child you are looking after may have a separation anxiety disorder, try to ease them in to being in your care by continuing as much as possible with any routines they had before. The child is far less likely to feel that things are totally different without mummy or daddy there.
Listen. It’s vital to build a sense of trust up with the child, and making them feel that you want to listen to how they feel and understand them will help them to open up and feel at ease with you.
No distractions. If a child is distressed after a parent has left for the day, explain calmly that you are there to talk to them about their feelings, and give them time to come round, instead of distracting them with something else. The child is more likely to trust you and feel in control of the situation.
Give praise. Just like with parents, children will benefit by feeling a sense of achievement and being praised for any accomplishments.
Stay in control, calm and firm. Make sure the child is aware that you are the boss for the time their parents are away. The separation from their main authority figure is enough for a child with severe separation anxiety, without them feeling as though there is no authority there for them at all.

If you feel that a child is suffering from a case of separation anxiety disorder, and the above tips are not enough to help, it’s best to refer to a GP who can offer further advice.

Summer 2012 Fun Activities With The Kids!

With the days finally drawing out, and the smell of Summer hanging optimistically in the air, comes a wonderful time to think about doing things outdoors with the little ones. However – many of us feel a sensation of mild panic – how will we fill the long Summer days, and make the most of the weeks on end where there is no school or nursery to take over?

Children love being outside when the weather is fine, they can talk louder, jump higher, run faster and get dirtier. So what better excuse to lock away the games consoles and DVDs, and get some good old fashioned colour in their cheeks?! For the good of childminders, nannies and parents alike, here are our top ideas to keep children of mixed age groups occupied in the great outdoors (good old Blighty weather-dependant of course!):

Nature Drawing

If you have some woodland locally, or would prefer to just explore the garden, this is a great opportunity to wander around with sketchpads and take advantage of getting children to draw what they see. Whether it is sketching flowers, worms, trees or simply scribbling with some colour pencils for smaller tots, this is a lovely way of getting their creative juices flowing. This is also a great way to teach children the names of trees and flowers at the same time, and gives them something to stick on the wall once they get back inside.

Host your own back garden Olympics!

What better an activity for this Summer, whilst the professionals are battling it out in London, why not get into the spirit in your own way by setting up an Olympics style tournament for the children? The back garden, or local park are perfect locations, and kids will love choosing what ‘events’ they would like to compete in, be it running races, jumping into a sandpit, throwing bean bags as far as possible or whatever ideas they have! From making signs, leader boards and marking out tracks, there are many hours of fun to be had and you are sure to have stress-free bed-times after all the exercise!

Teddy bears picnic

No matter how many children you are responsible for, a teddy bears picnic is a great way for them to feel that their friends are included – whether they are fellow play mates, or a host of teddy bear friends! Set up beside a big tree for shade, cover picnic tables with gingham table cloths, and have large picnic blankets for the kids and their special friends to sit on. Make sure you send each special teddy his own invitation, and make place name cards for each one. Make some simple teddy ears for each child, by attaching ovals of brown felt to basic headbands, and paint the end of each little nose with black face paint, to make them really feel like one of their fluffy friends. Oh, and don’t forget to sing ‘If you go down to the woods today….’

Cycling

What’s that saying again – once you learn how to ride a bike you never forget?! Well, prove that you haven’t by hiring bikes with the kids and going on a designated route, or simply hitting the park for the morning. If you look after children who are too small to ride, bikes with baby seats are available to hire, and mean that everyone can be involved. www.cyclehireinfo.com offers great information and advice about hiring bikes all over the UK.

Whatever you decide to do, make sure you get out there and enjoy the good weather whilst its here! Why not let us know what you plan to get up to by posting your summer activities onto our Facebook page?

How to Choose an Au Pair

Choosing an au pair can seem like a very daunting task, especially to first-time host families. There is a wealth of information online about the important points to think about when hiring an au pair, which although helpful, can also be rather daunting.

In this article we will attempt to condense this information and make it easier for you to make this important decision.

Talk to Other Host Families
This should be your first port of call when starting the process of looking for a suitable au pair for your family. There is no substitute for hearing the experiences of somebody who has been there. Many host families would have hired several au pairs over the years, and as a result will likely have lots of nuggets of wisdom and tips to share with you.

The easiest (and usually most practical) way to connect with other host families is via the internet. There are many forums online that one can join in order to ask questions and network with other families who have been in the same position as you.

Au Pair Agencies
There are hundreds of au pair agencies advertised and just choosing one can be a daunting task alone. The first point covered – talking to other host families – will be your best bet for finding an au pair agency with a good reputation. Word of mouth is one of the most reliable measures of great service, after all. UK host families can also make use of the au pair agency directory at the British Au Pair Agency Association (BAPAA) to help them choose a reputable agency.

Consider Your Needs
When choosing an au pair, you’ll need to think about what would make the most compatible match for you and your children. Everybody’s needs are different, and au pair agencies can help find a suitable match, but you will need to have a clear idea in mind of what you are looking for. Remember, au pairs are not permitted to have sole charge of children under the age of two, and some might have very limited childcare experience. The level of childcare you require should be take into consideration when ‘vetting’ au pairs for their suitability – for example, the age of your children and how independent they are (ie how much actual ‘care’ will be required, rather than mostly supervision).

Another thing to consider is whether or not the au pair can drive. If the au pair will be required to do school runs and other trips, you will want to ensure that the au pair you choose is able to drive. Remember, it is the responsibility of the host family to make sure the au pair is insured to drive the family car, and to provide the fuel for work-related trips.

Get to Know Them
Emailing, talking on the phone and using Skype are all great ways to spend some time getting to know your prospective au pair before you take the plunge and send them a written offer to consider. Choosing an au pair is a big decision – as is choosing a host family – so get to know each other as much as you can.

Au Pair Etiquette

An au pair is different from other childcare providers, and as such they should be treated so. In this article we will go over some of the rules and etiquette you should keep in mind if you choose to utilise the services of an au pair.

The au pair is part of your family

She is living in your home and you are paying her a wage, so you are her employer. However, the au pair should be viewed as part of your family rather than a separate employee. Au pairs are not paid especially well, and part of their payment is the chance to be integrated into family life and the opportunity to be exposed to the English life and language. Involve them in family life and treat them as a member of your own family. Don’t bark orders at her, or shout at her if you are upset with something she has done – sit down with her and discuss any issues you’re having instead just as you would any other person. Au pairs are just as deserving of respect as anyone else.

The au pair is not your skivvy

As previously mentioned, au pairs are only paid a pocket money wage on top of their board, and as such they should not have unreasonable demands made upon them. The responsibilities of your au pair should be clearly laid out at the start so she knows what is expected of her, and you should respect the boundaries that you have both laid in place – for example, if she has the weekends off, she should not be expected to watch the children or help around the house. She may offer if she sees you need help, but it should never be requested. Additionally, be sure not to treat her like a ‘cinderella’ – only light housework duties and childcare for children over the age of two should be expected, and again, these responsibilities should be clearly laid out and agreed upon. If you find extra duties come up, discuss them with her and see if she would be happy to take them on in return for a pay rise.

The au pair has other responsibilities

Au pairs are primarily in the country to learn about the culture and the language. The au pair will be attending some kind of language school and will need time to study alone. Au pairs can legally work up to 35 hours a week, unless they are from Romania or Bulgaria in which case they may only be on duty for 25 hours each week. They must have two days off each week, and at least one full weekend off every month.

Respect is a two-way street

It is not unreasonable to expect a good work ethic and a cheerful disposition from your au pair. If you treat her with the respect she deserves, she will likely be very happy in your home and happy to carry out her duties. Remember, clear communication at all times is key. This can be difficult if the au pair only has a limited understanding of English, but it’s possible – and it will become easier as time goes on, and the au pair becomes more fluent.