Oh brother! How To Handle Sibling Rivalry…

Sibling rivalry has existed as long as families. Think back to Biblical times and Joseph’s problems with his brothers, or of the horrible time Cinderella had with her stepsisters!

In some cases, right from the moment a younger child is born a sense of rivalry is evident, with one or more child feeling the need to fight for the attention of a parent or nanny; or be more successful at certain games or classes, whether they have been given any real need to or not. Other siblings develop this later on, when school, sport and activities become more a part of life, and of course, there are lucky families where there is no sign of any of this at all.

Of course, each child is born with a natural rite of passage to find their niche within the family dynamic. We usually expect this to happen fairly naturally, and even if we do everything we can to encourage individuality and peaceful relationships, this doesn’t always run as smoothly as we would like. We tend to think that children are blank canvases in many ways, but just like adults, they have personality traits unique to them and which can clash with those of others.

Spending most of their time with their siblings in the early years, it doesn’t take much to work out that this can be where these clashes start to occur. According to child psychologist Sylvia Rimm, sibling rivalry is particularly intense when children are very close in age and of the same gender, or where one child is intellectually gifted.

So how do we deal with siblings who see themselves as opponents in some way? And how do we make sure that sibling rivalry doesn’t develop into a horrible case of adult envy? Whether it starts in early childhood or later on, here are our top tips:

Avoid ‘labelling’ – it’s a difficult task praising one child whilst trying not to make another feel left out, but try not to use labels for each child, e.g ‘the sporty one’ or ‘the naughty one’. You can bet your life that the siblings of each of these will automatically feel like the total opposite, i.e. bad at sports and therefore inferior, or more well behaved and therefore superior. Labels simply add fuel to the fire of sibling rivalry.

Look at your own relationship – what example are you showing your children? Do they witness you and your partner rowing or criticising each other? If this is the case, you can’t expect your children not to do the same. They see this behaviour as normal, and are confused if you pull them up on it whilst doing the same thing and getting away with it. Don’t show your child how to be a hypocrite – try to put more positivity into your own relationship and you’ll see a change in theirs.

Encourage teamwork – by encouraging siblings to work together projects, you’ll increase the strength of the bond between them. Try to set them a little task every day together, which takes concentration and will hold their interest. If it’s time to put toys away, set the clock and get them both to race against it, instead of against each other. For sporty older kids set up a football game where they play together against other children on the street. Get ‘girlie’ sisters to create a beauty therapy centre at home where they both give you equal amounts of treatments together, meaning they get the best of your attention and help each other at the same time. The chances are they’ll get so engrossed in doing these tasks right that they’ll be on each others side for a while afterwards.

Show them the difference between fairness and equality – if a younger child is upset because the older one gets to stay up longer, explain that this is fair because of the age difference. They are still equal, and remind the younger one of fair privileges that they get for being younger, for example not having as much homework to do. If they can grasp this and be reminded of it, you’ll hopefully hear less of the old ‘it’s not fair!’ from now on!

Set aside “alone time” for each child. This is so important. Whether you’re a nanny or a parent, make sure you set at least a few minutes most days for one on one time. It’s amazing how much even 10 minutes of uninterrupted one-on-one time can mean to a child, and this can be a perfect time to encourage the child to talk to you about the things that they love about their brother or sister, whilst giving them the praise and attention that they need themselves.

These guidelines will hopefully help to make life easier for parents or nannies looking after siblings with difficulties. If you feel that there is more of a deep seated issue, it may be worth contacting a child psychologist who will be able to help further.

Do you agree with our ideas here? Either way, we welcome your comments on our blog and of course via our very active Facebook page …

Coronavirus COVID-19

We appreciate nannies have a number of questions and are understandably feeling extremely
anxious.

At BAPN we don’t pretend to have all the answers, in fact no one currently has – not even our
government or medical experts worldwide. The Coronavirus is a new virus. However, based on the
more common queries we’re receiving, we’d like to offer the following information and hope it
proves useful:

What’s happening?
The government and its health advisers are telling us that large numbers of the country’s workforce
are likely to be absent at any one time as the Coronavirus takes hold. We appreciate this is worrying
but bear in mind there will be varying degrees of symptoms, some no worse than the usual winter
flu.
Of course the impact on nannies won’t just be if they become ill or have to self-isolate. A further
unknown is what will happen in the event of schools and nursery closures? Just as their employer is
likely to need them more, nannies with their own children could find it impossible to go to work.
Likewise, those who have partners or dependents who become ill may also need to stay home…. and
so it goes on. The situation as it develops will have a major impact on all of us.
The best advice we can offer right now is that by working together and having open dialogue,
nannies and their employers can avoid unnecessary panic. Employers MUST adhere to government
guidance and if their nanny has to self-isolate so be it. Infected nannies or those who could
potentially be at risk, must self-isolate and stay at home and not show up for work as a result of
either misplaced loyalty or employer pressure. This is no different for a live-in nanny, the same
applies although it does come with additional challenges when the nanny’s home is that of the
employer.

Your Employment
Many employers in various industries are already considering allowing their workforce, where
possible, to work from home during this current crisis. However, the majority of nannies are simply
not able to work from home. That said, government guidance is still relevant and the requirement
on employers to treat their nanny fairly still applies. Nannies must not be put at risk simply
because of the nature of their employment.

Self-isolation
The government is currently recommending that anyone who has recently visited certain “high risk”
countries or regions, or has had recent contact with someone who has, should isolate themselves.

For updated information relating to countries or regions considered “high risk” please visit https://publichealthmatters.blog.gov.uk/2020/02/20/what-is-self-isolati…
We understand the list of high-risk areas is being updated on a daily basis.
The government has also set out guidance on measures to take while in isolation: https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/wuhan-novel-coronavirus-self…
You should familiarise yourself of these measures regardless of whether you are feeling ill or not.
If you know you have been in contact with someone who has a confirmed case of Coronavirus, or if
you have symptoms and, having contacted the NHS 111 line it was recommended you self-isolate,
you should follow instructions to the letter.

To get help from NHS 111, you can:
• visit 111.nhs.uk (for people aged 5 and over only)
• call 111
• NHS 111 is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

A period of suspension

Should an employer have concerns about an employee, in particular, where it is known or suspected
that they had contact with someone known to have Coronavirus, they might decide to suspend as a
precautionary measure. This is acceptable and must be on full pay unless the employee’s
employment contract allows for suspension without pay. This would be most unusual.

Sickness absence

It’s likely that this might become tricky for employers and employees on the basis that it will not only
be those who are ill that are off work but also those looking after family members who are ill or
those with children in the event of schools and nurseries being closed.
Please note: Employers are not obliged to pay their employee if s/he is not sick but cannot come to
work because they have been advised to self-isolate. Your employer can choose to treat this period
as sick leave and pay following their usual sick pay procedures or, offer you the option of taking
annual leave or unpaid leave.

Statutory Sick pay (SSP)

Eligibility for SSP can seem complicated at the best of times.
To qualify for Statutory Sick Pay (SSP) you must:
• be classed as an employee
• have been ill for at least 4 days in a row (this can include non-working days), however the
government has temporarily changed the rules on this meaning payment will come in from
day 1 for COVID-19 symptoms or self-isolation.
• earn an average of at least £118 per week
• Tell your employer you’re sick before their deadline – or within 7 days if they do not have
one
The SSP payment is currently £94.25 per week
If you do not qualify for SSP, you may be able to apply for Universal Credit or Employment and
Support Allowance, and the government has made temporary changes in this regard. See their
website for the most up-to-date information.

Occupational sick pay

Many nannies, not all, will receive sick pay as set out in their employment contracts. All nannies
should dig out a copy of their current contract and be familiar with its terms, in particular, what
happens when the nanny is ill / unable to work.
It is most unlikely that your contract will include self-isolation, time off to care for infected family
members but nonetheless, be familiar with what is included.
Nannies are urged to speak with their employers about “What If”. What will happen in cases of
illness or isolation? Have this conversation as soon as possible and agree a strategy before anything
happens. We’d advise an inclusion is added to the employment contract so that expectations are
met and understood.

Sick Notes / Fit Notes Certificates of Sickness Absence

An employer will normally require you to produce a doctor’s certificate, or ‘fit note’, after 7 days
absence. Coronavirus symptoms are likely to last more than 7 days, and if you are unwell or in
isolation, it will be difficult for you to obtain a doctors’ certificate. In these circumstances, the
government has ruled that an e-mail confirmation of diagnoses will be enough for Coronavirus
COVID-19 and those in self-isolation. You can access more information online via NHS 111.

What if I don’t / can’t go to work through the current crisis?

There is no legal right for employees to be paid under these circumstances or if a school / nursery
closes and an employee is required to care for a dependent. Your employer could offer you a period
of paid annual leave or unpaid leave or allow you to work from home where this is feasible.
BAPN is urging all nannies to check their current employment contract and to have a conversation
with their employer now, before such a problem arises.

Lay Off

Employees who are willing and able to work but are not provided with work by their employer can
be placed on “lay off”.
Lay off must be with full pay unless there is a provision within the contract of employment for lay off
without pay. If there is no contractual provision, employers can attempt to agree with employees a
period of unpaid lay off. BAPN is aware that many employment contracts provided by nanny
agencies and some nanny payroll providers allow for lay off and therefore you should check your
contract closely.

Providing information, advice and guidance

There is a duty on all employers to keep their employees informed with up-to-date, reliable
information from sources like the Department for Health and Public Health England and nanny
employers are no different. BAPN is aware of some really dubious sources of misinformation, in
particular, that found on Facebook! This is far too serious a subject. Only seek information from
reliable sources only. Such as:

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/coronavirus-covid-19/

https://www.who.int/docs/default-source/coronaviruse/getting-workplace-ready-for-covid-19.pdf

https://www.hse.gov.uk/news/coronavirus.htm

Babysitter Tips: Dealing with Upset Children

As a babysitter, there may be times when you need to deal with an upset or distressed child. It is important to fill your metaphorical childcare toolbox before babysitting in order to be able to deal with these situations in the most effective and compassionate way.

Of course, the best plan of action is prevention, rather than cure. Laying the groundwork will help the child feel secure with you as their babysitter when the time inevitably comes that the parents have to leave.

Preparation

Following are some tips and ideas for helping children feel secure in your care.

Visit and meet the child at least once, preferably several times, before the time comes that you’ll be needed to babysit. Getting to know you a little first will be key in the child being happier to have you look after them.
When you meet the child, make sure you spend some time getting down to their level and playing with them. Ask them questions to help them feel as though they are important to you.
Make some plans with them in advance, if they are old enough to understand. You might try asking them what their favourite game is, and ask them if you can play it together when you look after them. You could also tell them that you’ll bring some home-made play dough with you to play with – it’s easy to make and costs practically nothing, and most kids get very excited about it. However, if you make promises, make sure you keep them!
Take a small soft toy with you and give it to the child, asking them to take care of it until you see them next when you can play with it together. This will help the child feel connected to you and look forward to your return.

When the parents leave

It is incredibly common for children of all ages to become upset when their parents leave. They may melt down at the point of the separation, or they might become upset later on. Either way, you will need to deal with this in a kind and understanding way.

Remember that this is a big deal to them. Just because they are little doesn’t mean their feelings are any less important.
Tempting as it may be, don’t immediately try to distract them out of their sadness. If a friend of yours was upset about something, you wouldn’t try to get them to think about something else – you’d listen. There’s nothing wrong with making suggestions of things to do, but don’t try to ‘snap them out of it’.
Empathise with them. Even very young children can understand when somebody is making an effort to understand how they feel. Saying things like “You’re so sad because your mummy left and you wanted her to stay” and “I can hear how sad you are. I understand how you’re feeling right now” will help them feel as though their feelings are real, and important to you.
Reassure the child that their parent(s) will be home soon and that you promise you will keep them safe until then .

NMW National Minimum Wage 2020/21

From April the NMW (National Minimum Wage) rates are changing for the 20/21 tax year.

As an employer you must comply with the national minimum wage, if you do not you could end up in an Employment Tribunal or be reported to HMRC and face a fine of up to £20,000.

The new hourly rates for the tax year 2020/21 are:

Apprentice – £4.15
16 to 17 year old – £4.55
18 to 20 year old – £6.45
21-24 year old – £8.20
25+ – £8.72

If nanny lives in the family home and not separate accommodation provided by the employer, then the national minimum wage does not apply.

For live in nannies, there is a daily accommodation offset rate of £8.20 per day, £57.40 a week. These rates are set every April, so it is important to keep up to date with the new legislation. These rates are from April 2020.

For accommodation provided to nanny other than the family home, this will need to be declared as a Benefit In Kind.

Zero-Hours contracts

‘Zero hours contract’ is a non-legal term used to describe many different types of casual agreements between an employer and an individual.

Generally speaking, a zero hours contract is one in which the employer does not guarantee the individual any hours of work. The employer offers the individual work when it arises, and the individual can either accept the work offered, or decide not to take up the offer of work on that occasion.

Regardless of how many hours are offered, the employer must pay at least the National Minimum Wage.

Everyone employed on a zero hours contract is entitled to statutory employment rights. There are no exceptions.

A person will benefit from the employment rights associated with their employment status and individuals on a zero hours contract will either have the employment status of a ’worker’ or an ‘employee’.

Any individual on a zero hours contract who is a ‘worker’ will be entitled to at least the National Minimum Wage, paid annual leave, rest breaks and protection from discrimination.

Discrimination

It is against the law to treat someone less favourably than someone else because of a personal characteristic such as religion, sex, gender reassignment or age.

Discrimination can include:

not hiring someone
selecting a particular person for redundancy
paying someone less than another worker without good reason

You can discriminate against someone even if you do not intend to. For example, you can discriminate indirectly by offering working conditions or rules that disadvantage one group of people more than another.

Discrimination in Job adverts

You must not state or imply in a job advert that you’ll discriminate against anyone. This includes saying that you are not able to cater for workers with a disability.

Only use phrases like ‘recent graduate’ or ‘highly experienced’ when these are actual requirements of the job. Otherwise you could discriminate against younger or older people who might not have had the opportunity to get qualifications.

Where you advertise might cause indirect discrimination – for example, advertising only in men’s magazines.

Bank Holidays

Bank Holidays 2020 2020 is upon us and it is always handy to have a list of the bank holidays for the year and what day of the week they fall on. These are the dates of the bank holidays in 2020 for England.
1 January	Wednesday	New Year’s Day
10 April	Friday	Good Friday
13 April	Monday	Easter Monday
8 May	Friday	Early May Bank Holiday
25 May	Monday	Spring bank holiday
31 August	Monday	Summer bank holiday
25 December	Friday	Christmas Day
28 December	Monday	Boxing Day

If a bank holiday is on a weekend, a ‘substitute’ weekday becomes a bank holiday, normally the following Monday.

It is worth noting that if nanny does not work 5 days a week that she is still entitled to bank holidays on a pro rata basis, for example if nanny only works 3 days per week then she is still entitled to 3/5ths of the 8 bank holidays whether her working day falls on a bank holiday or not.

Blue Monday

Today is Blue Monday, supposedly one of the most depressing days of the year, based on the weather, debt, time since Christmas, lack of motivation and many other factors. Undoubtedly, we probably all feel a little low at this time of year for a whole host of reasons. But for those people that genuinely suffer with depression every single day Blue Monday is just another day to them.

Depression in adults is a condition we’re all familiar with. Most adults have at some point felt mildly depressed and a surprising proportion of the population has suffered from clinical depression, whether treated or not. Although there is still a huge stigma around saying that someone as an individual is or has been depressed, it’s no longer the hidden condition it once was. Depression in children and teenagers, on the other hand, is much less widely acknowledged but potentially very serious.

What on earth do children have to be depressed about?

We may cast our minds back to the halcyon days of our own childhood and wonder what there is to become stressed and depressed about but firstly childhood was never that simple and secondly today’s children are facing an infinitely more complex world with shifting social norms, advancing technology and mounting media pressure. In Hollywood everyone is popular, rich and happy, the guy always gets the girl and we all live happily ever after. This can set up dangerous expectations for real life and if children can gorge on this constructed reality, they can end up feeling like they’ll never be good enough. If we’re honest with ourselves we were all anxious about school and schoolwork, keeping up with our friends and living up to parental expectations and today’s children are no different, even though the challenges they face are. It becomes more complicated when children become adolescents because the maelstrom of hormones, which leads to tears, tantrums, rage and rebellion, can mask depression – it all gets put down simply to being a teenager. It’s especially important at this time to watch out for anything out of the ordinary which continues over a lengthy period as it may point to a deeper issue.

How can I spot depression?

Knowing what is normal for your child or charge is key, and that can only be achieved by keeping the lines of communication open. It’s difficult when your efforts are met with angry rejection but keep letting them know you’re listening and do genuinely listen to what they say even if it seems insignificant to you. A constant refusal to communicate may be a sign that something is troubling them, but they don’t know how to talk to you about it. In this case be guided by your instincts and you may need to seek professional help along with your child. Although it may feel like a betrayal at the time, a child will get over that faster than untreated depression.

Surely my child is too young to be depressed.

In fact, depression can hit children as young as 2 or 3 years old so there’s no such thing as too young. The number rises sharply in adolescence, with girls twice as likely to suffer as boys at this point. Rest assured, depression in very young children is likely to be the result of physical or emotional trauma and rarely manifests in healthy children with a secure attachment to their parents. Children who are at risk of depression, be it from chronic illness or emotional disturbances in their life, are likely to be offered additional help, perhaps in the form of play therapy or counselling.

That said, although depression in children is rare it’s important to remember that it does still exist and shouldn’t be discounted because of age.

How can I prevent depression?

There is no one way to prevent depression but setting an example of a healthy, realistic lifestyle is a good start. Plenty of exercise and fresh air along with a good diet will help keep the brain’s chemistry in balance and ensuring plenty of time for relaxation and play is vital for relieving stress. Good communication skills lay the foundation for open and honest exchanges about emotions and will safeguard your relationship throughout the difficult teenage years. It’s never too early to talk to children, be honest with them and accept them for who they are, encourage them to express their feelings and give age-appropriate explanations for what they see in the world around them.

Get into the habit of looking for the good in life. At the end of the day encourage children to focus on the good things that have happened and consider encouraging older children who don’t want to be tucked in any more to keep a positivity journal. The act of reflecting on what has gone well prevents a spiral of negativity and a journal can be a source of encouragement when times get tough.

For more information please visit www.youngminds.org.uk

Top 10 essential items every Nanny carries

Like every child is different, every Nanny and Manny are different, but the one thing they all have in common is that they are always prepared! Here are our top 10 essential items that every Nanny carries with them. What is your most essential item? Or What have we missed off our list?

Mobile Phone with emergency contacts in – Mum, Dad, Grandparents, Neighbour, Doctor, Dentist, whoever is on your list make sure you have a plan of action if there is an emergency!
Medical Information for each child. In the UK we have the Red Book which should contain all the vital info you need such as food allergies, medication, etc. But if you don’t have this then keep a note handy with all the details. If the child, you care for becomes ill the first questions you will be asked are ‘Is the child taking any medication’ ‘Does the child have any allergies’ Having this information to hand may save valuable time.
First Aid Kit – You can buy a ready made one or simply carry the necessary items around with you such as Plasters, antiseptic wipes, safety pins, tweezers, gauze dressings, sterile eye dressings, crepe roll bandage, triangular bandage, disposable gloves.
Tissues, wet wipes and hand sanitizer.
Sunscreen and lip balm, even the most overcast days can require some protection from the sun, always better to be safe.
Nappies (Or underwear if potty trained), Changing mat, wipes, cream disposable potty, – you never know when you might be caught out!
Change of clothing, what child hasn’t rolled in the mud or been sick and needs to be changed.
Healthy snacks – children are constantly hungry, ready prepared fruit, rice cakes, raisins, prepped veg and hummus. All great energy boosters if you have a flagging child.
Bottled Water – Great for cleaning up a messy child or for a drink break through the day.
Small toys and books, if you must queue, go on public transport of just keep a child occupied while you wait for something, having a toy or book handy will help deal with any boredom the child might feel.

What are the regulations if nanny is a student?

If nanny is a student, they will still be subject to paying Tax and NIC on their salaries like normal workers if they earn above their personal allowance, which for the current tax year (19/20) is £12,500.00 gross per annum (£1,041.67 gross per month). If nanny’s earnings are below this threshold then they will not be subject to tax deductions on their salaries.

Nannies over the age of 16 will need to have Employee National Insurance deducted.

Nannies who are students and come from overseas will not be able to get a National Insurance refund if they return home, even if they work in the UK for a short period of time.

The only way a foreign student nanny could get exemption from National Insurance is to produce either an A1, E101 or E120 certificate from a European Economic Area (EEA)

If your student nanny leaves the UK to return to their native country during the tax year, they may be able to claim back some or all of the Tax which they may have paid on their salary in the UK. They would need to complete and return a form ‘P85’ to HMRC, including parts 2 and 3 of their P45 from their current employment. If nanny, has worked in the UK for a full tax year, then they will not be able to claim back the Tax which they have paid on their earnings.

The P85 form can be obtained by contacting HMRC directly.

https://www.gov.uk/tax-right-retire-abroad-return-to-uk