Category: childcare

Being a good enough parent in the 21st century

This article examines some of the challenges facing parents in the twenty first century and suggests ways in which we can steer a middle ground, providing our children with a loving upbringing while making time for ourselves as well.

Parents under pressure

The byword these days is “pressure”: pressure to be a top parent, pressure to have your children do well at everything. Parents who can afford to do so attend baby yoga and music classes with their newborns. Primary school children attend extra tutorial classes to have the edge on their classmates or simply because working parents cannot spare the time to give the extra help needed.

Parents matter too

And while it is a good thing that there are more activities for children from babyhood upwards, it also puts parents under pressure to have their children do as much as everyone else’s. The Irish writer Adam Brophy makes an interesting point in a newspaper article entitled “It’s not just about the kids, we matter too”, when he says: “When did we come to the conclusion that the development of our children’s skill set was the be-all of our existence? What message does it send to drive them from one class or training session to another when all we can manage is to spark the car’s ignition?” It’s not a point of view that we hear voiced very often but doesn’t it strike a chord with many of us?

Previous generations didn’t do as much worrying about their children’s academic or sporting achievements. People didn’t have as much disposal income as parents today and moreover, children weren’t given as much importance as they are now. Twenty-first century parents would find it difficult to envisage a world where children were expected to be “seen and not heard”. Needless to say that particular perspective on raising children isn’t one we’re advocating, however, it’s worth reflecting on the fact that as we have become better off as a society, we are giving a lot more to our children, both in emotional and material terms and often feeling under greater pressure as a result.

The extreme focus on early childhood

A recent conference at the University of Kent examined what organisers called “the extreme focus on early childhood”. Academics argued that parents of babies and toddlers, mothers in particular, are subject to ridiculous levels of pressures to “get things right” which leads to “unwarranted anxieties and guild”. Led by John Bruer, author of The Myth of the First Three Years, they said claims of the importance of parental connection in the early years have been hyped and that social policy focusing on the parent-child bond is “a waste of resources”. Parents, and especially mothers, will more than likely welcome the fact that they need not feel guilty about having to leave their child in the care of someone else while they work; nor will they “fail” to give their child a head start if they don’t sign up for various baby and toddler classes.

UNICEF study

When a recent UNICEF study found that British parents tended to overload their children with material goods to make up for not spending enough time with them, the journalist and broadcaster Mariella Fostrupp wrote in The Observer: “No offence to Unicef but a UK riddled with shopaholic parents trying to assuage their consciences with expensive toys for their unloved children is one I don’t recognise. Most people I see are struggling to pay their utility bills let alone splash out on Xboxes. The vast majority are simply battling to make ends meet”. And she rubbished the notion that our consumer culture was to blame for parents’ neglect of their children in this way: “Our entire financial system is built on our ability to work and consume to keep the economy afloat. And now we’re in the wrong for buying the odd toy for our kids?”

A good enough parent

To conclude, parents can only do their best. And to borrow the paediatrician Donald Winnicott’s phrase, being a “good enough” parent really is “good enough”. Rather than placing undue pressure on ourselves – and our children – to “get it right”, we can be good parents by spending time with them and allowing them room to develop their own interests. And by the same token we need to allow time for ourselves – as individuals and as partners in a relationship. That’s a topic for another day!

Holiday Allowance

A full time nanny is entitled to 28 days holiday (5.6 weeks) which includes bank holidays. Employers are entitled to choose all the dates of holiday nanny should take, but in practice nanny normally chooses 2 weeks while the employer chooses the other 2 weeks.

In your contract with nanny, make sure you ask for notice for nanny’s proposed holiday this will allow you to find alternative childcare. Some employers ask for at least 4 weeks notice.

We would recommend you keep note of holiday taken paid or unpaid, just in case nanny leaves part way through the year and has over taken on holiday. This way any unpaid or over paid holiday can be paid/deducted in her final payslip.

If nanny works more than 5 days a week, their holiday entitlement is capped at 28 days. It is not a problem if you agree more day’s holiday with nanny – this could be a condition of her working for over a stated amount of time.

If nanny is part time, she is entitled to annual leave (28 days including bank holidays), but pro-rated. So if nanny works 2 days a week, her holiday allowance is calculated:

2 days a week x 5.6 annual holiday allowance = 11.20 days holiday.

You must not round the holiday allowance down to 11, but can round it up to 11.5 days.

If nanny works different hours each week, you calculate her holiday pay by averaging her last 12 weeks worked hours then multiply it by 5.6, this then gives you her holiday entitlement in hours for the year and when she has a day’s holiday or was due to work on a public holiday, whatever hours she was scheduled to work that day are then deducted from her overall annual entitlement.

For more advice and support on this or any other payroll related matter please contact our recommended partners Payroll for Nannies https://www.payrollfornannies.co.uk/

NEW CALCULATION METHOD FOR FOR CJRS AFTER 1 AUGUST

From 1 August 2020, the level of the CJRS grant paid to employers will be reduced each month. To be eligible for the grant employers must pay furloughed employees 80% of their wages, up to a cap of £2,500 per month for the time they are being furloughed.

The timetable for changes to the scheme is set out below. Wage caps are proportional to the hours an employee is furloughed. For example, an employee is entitled to 60% of the £2,500 cap if they are placed on furlough for 60% of their usual hours:

  • There are no changes to grant levels in June.
  • For June and July, the government will pay 80% of wages up to a cap of £2,500 for the hours the employee is on furlough, as well as employer National Insurance Contributions (ER NICS) and pension contributions for the hours the employee is on furlough. Employers will have to pay employees for the hours they work.
  • For August, the government will pay 80% of wages up to a cap of £2,500 for the hours an employee is on furlough and employers will pay ER NICs and pension contributions for the hours the employee is on furlough.
  • For September, the government will pay 70% of wages up to a cap of £2,187.50 for the hours the employee is on furlough. Employers will pay ER NICs and pension contributions and top up employees’ wages to ensure they receive 80% of their wages up to a cap of £2,500, for time they are furloughed.
July August September October
Government contribution: employer NICs and pension contributions Yes No No No
Government contribution: wages 80% up to £2,500 80% up to £2,500 70% up to £2,187.50 60% up to £1,875
Employer contribution: employer NICs and pension contributions No Yes Yes Yes
Employer contribution: wages – – 10% up to £312.50 20% up to £625
Employee receives 80% up to £2,500 per month 80% up to £2,500 per month 80% up to £2,500 per month 80% up to £2,500 per month
  • For October, the government will pay 60% of wages up to a cap of £1,875 for the hours the employee is on furlough. Employers will pay ER NICs and pension contributions and top up employees’ wages to ensure they receive 80% of their wages up to a cap of £2,500, for time they are furloughed.

Employers will continue to able to choose to top up employee wages above the 80% total and £2,500 cap for the hours not worked at their own expense if they wish. Employers will have to pay their employees for the hours worked.

 

How Nannies Can Help Children Cope With Parents’ Divorce

If you nanny for a family who is breaking up and going through a divorce or separation, it can be a real task to help get the kids through things, as well as to carry on your general nanny duties throughout this unstable time for all involved.

Children of any age can be deeply affected by their parents divorcing, even if they appear to be coping well on the outside, and it is a known fact that the bond with a caregiver may be the most stable relationship for the child during a divorce. In this situation, the nanny is seen as a caring adult who can provide a different perspective on things and not be full of the emotion that the child’s parents would be at the time – this can be a real relief for the child.

So, here are some ways that as a nanny you can really help the parents, children, and yourself, in a divorce or separation situation:

Communication 

You need to know what the parents want you to know, and more importantly what they want you to say to the child. Be as straightforward as possible, and ask the parents to sit down with you and help you to do your best by their child, by briefing you properly on things. It may be painful, but it’s necessary.

Set out your stand

If you see your position as long term and would like to carry on working for the family (and they still want / can afford to employ you), then make it clear that you understand this is a difficult time, but that you will need to know where and what hours you will be required to work from now on. Make it clear that for you to do your job, you need to be in the loop with any custody and visitation issues at the very least. Remember this is a business relationship when all is said and done, and they should still respect that.

Patience is a virtue

Whatever reaction the child has, make sure you are patient and let them go through it. The last thing the child needs is for the one stable adult influence to be pressuring them to be ‘mature’ or not get too upset. If they are allowed to go through the emotions they feel, they will eventually come through the other side, and trust you all the more.

Reassurance

Use reassuring language, and if the child has a tactile nature, then give lots of hugs. Answer any questions they may ask you as best you can, based on what the parents have told you. Reassure the child that they are NOT responsible for the divorce, and repeat this as much as possible. In all the chaos the parents may have forgotten the incredible importance of this.

Keep normal schedules and routines

Encourage parents to do the same at home. Try not to change any more things than necessary, so that the child can feel as secure and ‘normal’ as they possibly can.

Encourage parents

If you have a good relationship with the parents, try to encourage them to spend a bit more time with the child when your shift starts and ends. If, for example, a dad has moved out of the family home, when he is in your place of work with the child, leave them alone for a little while, so he can have some valuable moments when he might not have done.

Remember that above all, the most important thing is to be a stable, calm and consistently positive influence for the child at this trying time. This will help you grow as a nanny, increase the bond that you have with the family, and very importantly help the children in their time of need.

Do you agree with our thoughts on this extremely sensitive issue? Post a comment or let us know your thoughts on our Facebook page…

 

 

 

Changing Career And Becoming A Nanny

With the economy and the job market struggling, there has been an increase in the number of people rethinking just how they can carve out a career for themselves. There are many people who previously did totally different jobs with no link to child care who are now wanting to go about getting into the industry. Here we outline the best ways to get into nannying if you don’t know where to start and have no experience, but know it’s where you see your career heading.

Start with the end in mind

Like starting any career, ask yourself where you see yourself in 5 years time, or even in 20 years time! It’s always best to begin something with a clear goal, and stick to it. Write down what you want from this career change, and ultimately where you see it taking you, and keep referring to it as you go to keep on track mentally.

Qualifications and experience

The good news is that there are no legal qualifications that you have to hold to become a nanny. However, this can be a double edged sword in cases, as parents will want to be as sure as possible that you can cope with the job, if they can’t see it written on a formal black and white certificate.

There are courses you can do to show that you are capable, including CACHE (the officially recognised Awarding Body for Early Years, Care and Education, and Play-work). Another way to prove you’re serious is to join the voluntary section of the General Childcare Register, which is administered by Ofsted, and covers things like Paediatric First Aid training (something that potential employers will want you to have).

As with anything else, the more experience you have, generally the more able you will be, so gain as much experience with children outside your family as possible, whether this is helping out at local playgroups, or babysitting for friends. This is a great way to use case studies as examples when being interviewed for a nannying job, and will put faith into  parents that you can handle situations with children alone.

Learning

Be aware that potential employers will expect you to help with their child’s key stages of development. You’ll be expected to plan and organise fun activities to help development and learning, so it is worth looking into registering on courses that would help you with this. There are many courses out there, and it helps that you can use distance learning. A great place to start is to have a look at our list at http://www.nannyjob.co.uk/information/general/qualifications.aspx, and check out the list on www.childcarecollege.co.uk.

References

If you have no experience in the industry, it is still worth getting character references from previous employers, even if from a totally different sector. Potential employers will want to know about how trustworthy you are, what your timekeeping is like, and what kind of motivation levels you have, no matter what you did previously.

Know what you will and won’t do

Does the idea of walking the family dog fill you with dread? Are you happy to be asked to do the household ironing? Before you advertise your services as a nanny, prepare yourself to be asked to do things that are not strictly childcare based. Most nannies do nursery duties, which is anything related to the child within reason, so washing and ironing, and tidying the bedroom and playroom, as well as cooking meals would all most likely be expected of you. If there is anything that you really wouldn’t want to do then make it clear from the start.

The Nannyjob website should be a great source of information to help you get to grips with learning and beginning your new career, and ultimately to get a fantastic position! Good luck from the Nannyjob team.

Food For Thought: How To Encourage Healthy Eating

As a nanny one of your most important duties is to make sure the children in your care eat properly. This may sound simple enough, and parents may take it for granted that you will make sure their child eats well, but what happens if you find yourself face to face with the fussiest eater you’ve ever met – in the form of the small child in your care?!

It can be a real worry if a little one will only ever eat when or what they want to. It could be that parents do not experience this with their child, and the child may be trying to exercise an element of control over their environment when in your care. Having personally nannied for a 5 year old who only ever wanted jam sandwiches, I know from experience how frustrating it can be – but fear not, this did change over time, as he started to put more trust into the slightly more unfamiliar things in all areas of his life.

As always we are here to share our top tips if you find yourself in this kind of situation:

  • Don’t make it a big deal! Inwardly, you might be screaming, but try not to let the child see that this bothers you so much. Depending on the reason for the fussiness, the child may feel like they have ‘won’ if they see it bothering you, or in other cases they may start thinking there is something wrong with them – neither situation is good, so keep cool and very slowly over time start encouraging them to eat more / other things. The calmer you are about it, the more likely they are to be calm and compliant too.
  • Get them involved. It’s a known fact that a child is twice as likely to eat a meal that they have helped to prepare. As well as being educational and fun, getting a child to safely help out with food preparation will help improve their relationship with food. Start with taking them grocery shopping, so they can see the whole process from the start, and start to see it as fun.
  • Appropriate portions. We all know what it’s like when presented with a large and over facing meal. The immediate reaction is to feel a negative connotation with the meal and feel as though you can’t eat it before you even start. Well, this is the same for our smaller friends! You may think you’re doing them a favour by trying to get them to ‘eat it all otherwise no pudding’, but this is often the wrong way to go about things. Limit portion size, so that the child is not over faced, and they will feel proud of themselves for finishing a (much easier to manage) meal.
  • Timing. Make sure you only go about introducing new foods at appropriate times. A good example of this is if a child is hungry and / or rested or in a good mood. They are far more likely to try something new in this case. Also, make sure you only ever introduce one new thing at a time, again so as not to over face the child.
  • Mix it up. If you really want to introduce a certain food group that you know won’t be accepted too well by a fussy child, try introducing it at the same time as serving a favourite food. This will make the child more likely to try the other food on his plate as well as his favourite. If he ignores the new food, don’t fuss, just quietly try again next time.
  • Lead by example. It may help to actually sit and eat the same meal that you are trying to encourage, with the child. As we know, children like to imitate, and if you make sure that you, the child, and any siblings get into the routine of eating the same things, together at the table, then it often helps to encourage the fussy child to eat the same.

 If you are finding that the issue seems to last for a really long period of time, it may be that there is a deeper rooted problem, and consulting a doctor or dietician is advised.

COVID-19 PLANNING – THE SECOND WAVE

Many medical experts are predicting a second wave of the COVID-19 Pandemic, which may arrive in the autumn as temperatures fall.

Although we do not want to try to predict the future, we examine a few possibilities and suggest some planning ideas.

Government Support resumes

Since the software and legislation is in place for both CJRS and SEISS, it would be relatively straightforward for the government to reactivate the schemes, perhaps with a smaller percentage of state support or in the case of CJRS, with an enhanced contribution from employers.

It may be argued that this would prove ruinously expensive for the country, but government borrowing can be scheduled over decades, as were war debts from WW1 and WW2. Of course, the government may raise National Insurance (NI) and tax rates to recoup some of this expenditure. There have even been rumours of a Net Wealth Tax being introduced.

The continuation of bank loans guaranteed by the government such as Business Bounce Back Loans and Coronavirus Business Interruption Loan Scheme could be another tool in the hands of the Treasury.

 

Government Support is not resumed

In this case there will be considerable issues for those businesses which are dependent on government support which may need to carefully consider their future.

Oh brother! How To Handle Sibling Rivalry…

Sibling rivalry has existed as long as families. Think back to Biblical times and Joseph’s problems with his brothers, or of the horrible time Cinderella had with her stepsisters!

In some cases, right from the moment a younger child is born a sense of rivalry is evident, with one or more child feeling the need to fight for the attention of a parent or nanny; or be more successful at certain games or classes, whether they have been given any real need to or not. Other siblings develop this later on, when school, sport and activities become more a part of life, and of course, there are lucky families where there is no sign of any of this at all.

Of course, each child is born with a natural rite of passage to find their niche within the family dynamic. We usually expect this to happen fairly naturally, and even if we do everything we can to encourage individuality and peaceful relationships, this doesn’t always run as smoothly as we would like. We tend to think that children are blank canvases in many ways, but just like adults, they have personality traits unique to them and which can clash with those of others.

Spending most of their time with their siblings in the early years, it doesn’t take much to work out that this can be where these clashes start to occur. According to child psychologist Sylvia Rimm, sibling rivalry is particularly intense when children are very close in age and of the same gender, or where one child is intellectually gifted.

So how do we deal with siblings who see themselves as opponents in some way? And how do we make sure that sibling rivalry doesn’t develop into a horrible case of adult envy? Whether it starts in early childhood or later on, here are our top tips:

  • Avoid ‘labelling’ – it’s a difficult task praising one child whilst trying not to make another feel left out, but try not to use labels for each child, e.g ‘the sporty one’ or ‘the naughty one’. You can bet your life that the siblings of each of these will automatically feel like the total opposite, i.e. bad at sports and therefore inferior, or more well behaved and therefore superior. Labels simply add fuel to the fire of sibling rivalry.
  • Look at your own relationship – what example are you showing your children? Do they witness you and your partner rowing or criticising each other? If this is the case, you can’t expect your children not to do the same. They see this behaviour as normal, and are confused if you pull them up on it whilst doing the same thing and getting away with it. Don’t show your child how to be a hypocrite – try to put more positivity into your own relationship and you’ll see a change in theirs.
  • Encourage teamwork – by encouraging siblings to work together projects, you’ll increase the strength of the bond between them. Try to set them a little task every day together, which takes concentration and will hold their interest. If it’s time to put toys away, set the clock and get them both to race against it, instead of against each other. For sporty older kids set up a football game where they play together against other children on the street. Get ‘girlie’ sisters to create a beauty therapy centre at home where they both give you equal amounts of treatments together, meaning they get the best of your attention and help each other at the same time. The chances are they’ll get so engrossed in doing these tasks right that they’ll be on each others side for a while afterwards.
  • Show them the difference between fairness and equality – if a younger child is upset because the older one gets to stay up longer, explain that this is fair because of the age difference. They are still equal, and remind the younger one of fair privileges that they get for being younger, for example not having as much homework to do. If they can grasp this and be reminded of it, you’ll hopefully hear less of the old ‘it’s not fair!’ from now on!
  • Set aside “alone time” for each child.  This is so important. Whether you’re a nanny or a parent, make sure you set at least a few minutes most days for one on one time. It’s amazing how much even 10 minutes of uninterrupted one-on-one time can mean to a child, and this can be a perfect time to encourage the child to talk to you about the things that they love about their brother or sister, whilst giving them the praise and attention that they need themselves.

These guidelines will hopefully help to make life easier for parents or nannies looking after siblings with difficulties. If you feel that there is more of a deep seated issue, it may be worth contacting a child psychologist who will be able to help further.

Do you agree with our ideas here? Either way, we welcome your comments on our blog and of course via our very active Facebook page …

Parental Bereavement Leave

As of 6th of April 2020, the government have introduced a new entitlement called Parental Bereavement Leave and Pay.

Under this leave/pay, parents who lose a child with a day-one employment right can take 2 weeks off work. These 2 weeks are at a statutory rate of £151.20 from April 2020.

Parental Bereavement pay is for adoptive parents, parents of a child born to surrogate, parents who are fostering to adopt and individuals caring for a child in their home, continuously for a period of 4 weeks ending with the date of death.

Parents will be able to take the leave as either a single block of 2 weeks, or as 2 separate blocks of one week each taken at different times across the first year after their child’s death. This means they can match their leave to the times they need it most, which could be in the early days or over the first anniversary.

2019-2020 Statutory Payments

From 6th April 2020 the rates for statutory payments will increase to the following.

 

SMP Statutory Maternity pay and SAP Statutory Adoption Pay are both increasing to £151.20 per week and 1st 6 weeks are still paid at either 90% of average earnings or £151.20 whichever is lower.

 

SPP Statutory Paternity Pay and ShPP Statutory Shared Parental Pay are both increasing to £151.20 per week or 90% of average earnings whichever is lower.

 

SSP Statutory Sick pay will increase to £95.85 per week and this only payable from the 4th consecutive working day off.