Category: Divorce

Helping Children Deal with Bereavement and Loss

Bereavement can occur without warning at any time of our lives and it’s important to understand how as a nanny, you can help the children in your care deal with the losses that they may face.

Loss can be exceptionally difficult for children to understand as they are not always able to process the emotions and thoughts that follow, which is why it’s important that children have a strong support network at times of great upset.

Bereavement can be the death of a loved one, a friend or a pet, it could also be the loss of someone close to them, which can often be a result of divorce or separation of a child’s parents.

To help you further help the children in your care deal with the losses they face, we’ve put together the following advice:

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Ommmm…. The Key Benefits of Yoga For Children

A bit of time to zen out, a great way to loosen off muscles, the best way to keep supple, or a full on cardio workout – whatever ways we already think yoga is good for us as adults – whether you partake or not – we know there are generally lots of benefits.

So, why should this be different for the little people in our lives? It isn’t. As joints and muscles are still growing, yoga can bring benefits that other exercise can’t for our little ones. Here are the reasons it’s a good idea to start them early with this ancient eastern art:

  • Enhancing concentration: When your child gets used to the postures of yoga, they automatically improve their concentration skills. Ancient sages used yoga as a form of meditation, and their powers of concentration are legendary. Your child learns how to sit still in one place and focus on what’s important as opposed to letting their mind wander and be distracted easily. This helps them in their lessons and at school, boosts their attention span and improves their grades.
  • Increasing flexibility and balance: Yoga helps improve flexibility and balance and tones their muscles too. It makes them stronger and less likely to suffer sprains and fractures through accidental falls.
  • Improving general well-being: Kids who practice yoga regularly feel good about themselves and are healthier and happier than those who don’t. They feel both mentally and physically rejuvenated after a yoga session and this improves their mental and physical health.
  • Boosting confidence: When your child is able to display great agility and flexibility, it does wonders for their confidence. Their improved performance at school also helps boost their popularity and their self assurance. They become more poised and start to believe in their abilities. This feeling provides them with the adrenaline they need to achieve success in all their endeavours.
  • Relaxing their minds: Even kids are subject to a great deal of stress these days because of their workload at school and the high expectations that many parents have. They are pushed to be achievers at every single point of their lives, and when they fail, they take it to heart and become depressed. Yoga helps them relax and de-stress when they feel upset or depressed. It soothes their frayed minds and helps them get back to a normal mental state.

Source: www.youngyogamasters.com

Although not yet seen as a mainstream activity for children in many cities, you should be able to find children’s yoga classes near or in your area via a quick Internet search. If you struggle, it may be worth contacting your school or nursery, and asking them to start arranging classes with a local qualified children’s yoga instructor.

Are you or your kids into Yoga or similar activities? Share it with us on our Facebook page!

How Nannies Can Help Children Cope With Parents’ Divorce

If you nanny for a family who is breaking up and going through a divorce or separation, it can be a real task to help get the kids through things, as well as to carry on your general nanny duties throughout this unstable time for all involved.

Children of any age can be deeply affected by their parents divorcing, even if they appear to be coping well on the outside, and it is a known fact that the bond with a caregiver may be the most stable relationship for the child during a divorce. In this situation, the nanny is seen as a caring adult who can provide a different perspective on things and not be full of the emotion that the child’s parents would be at the time – this can be a real relief for the child.

So, here are some ways that as a nanny you can really help the parents, children, and yourself, in a divorce or separation situation:

Communication 

You need to know what the parents want you to know, and more importantly what they want you to say to the child. Be as straightforward as possible, and ask the parents to sit down with you and help you to do your best by their child, by briefing you properly on things. It may be painful, but it’s necessary.

Set out your stand

If you see your position as long term and would like to carry on working for the family (and they still want / can afford to employ you), then make it clear that you understand this is a difficult time, but that you will need to know where and what hours you will be required to work from now on. Make it clear that for you to do your job, you need to be in the loop with any custody and visitation issues at the very least. Remember this is a business relationship when all is said and done, and they should still respect that.

Patience is a virtue

Whatever reaction the child has, make sure you are patient and let them go through it. The last thing the child needs is for the one stable adult influence to be pressuring them to be ‘mature’ or not get too upset. If they are allowed to go through the emotions they feel, they will eventually come through the other side, and trust you all the more.

Reassurance

Use reassuring language, and if the child has a tactile nature, then give lots of hugs. Answer any questions they may ask you as best you can, based on what the parents have told you. Reassure the child that they are NOT responsible for the divorce, and repeat this as much as possible. In all the chaos the parents may have forgotten the incredible importance of this.

Keep normal schedules and routines

Encourage parents to do the same at home. Try not to change any more things than necessary, so that the child can feel as secure and ‘normal’ as they possibly can.

Encourage parents

If you have a good relationship with the parents, try to encourage them to spend a bit more time with the child when your shift starts and ends. If, for example, a dad has moved out of the family home, when he is in your place of work with the child, leave them alone for a little while, so he can have some valuable moments when he might not have done.

Remember that above all, the most important thing is to be a stable, calm and consistently positive influence for the child at this trying time. This will help you grow as a nanny, increase the bond that you have with the family, and very importantly help the children in their time of need.

Do you agree with our thoughts on this extremely sensitive issue? Post a comment or let us know your thoughts on our Facebook page…

 

 

 

Blue Monday

Today is Blue Monday, supposedly one of the most depressing days of the year, based on the weather, debt, time since Christmas, lack of motivation and many other factors. Undoubtedly, we probably all feel a little low at this time of year for a whole host of reasons. But for those people that genuinely suffer with depression every single day Blue Monday is just another day to them.

Depression in adults is a condition we’re all familiar with. Most adults have at some point felt mildly depressed and a surprising proportion of the population has suffered from clinical depression, whether treated or not.  Although there is still a huge stigma around saying that someone as an individual is or has been depressed, it’s no longer the hidden condition it once was. Depression in children and teenagers, on the other hand, is much less widely acknowledged but potentially very serious.

What on earth do children have to be depressed about?

We may cast our minds back to the halcyon days of our own childhood and wonder what there is to become stressed and depressed about but firstly childhood was never that simple and secondly today’s children are facing an infinitely more complex world with shifting social norms, advancing technology and mounting media pressure. In Hollywood everyone is popular, rich and happy, the guy always gets the girl and we all live happily ever after. This can set up dangerous expectations for real life and if children can gorge on this constructed reality, they can end up feeling like they’ll never be good enough. If we’re honest with ourselves we were all anxious about school and schoolwork, keeping up with our friends and living up to parental expectations and today’s children are no different, even though the challenges they face are. It becomes more complicated when children become adolescents because the maelstrom of hormones, which leads to tears, tantrums, rage and rebellion, can mask depression – it all gets put down simply to being a teenager. It’s especially important at this time to watch out for anything out of the ordinary which continues over a lengthy period as it may point to a deeper issue.

How can I spot depression?

Knowing what is normal for your child or charge is key, and that can only be achieved by keeping the lines of communication open. It’s difficult when your efforts are met with angry rejection but keep letting them know you’re listening and do genuinely listen to what they say even if it seems insignificant to you. A constant refusal to communicate may be a sign that something is troubling them, but they don’t know how to talk to you about it. In this case be guided by your instincts and you may need to seek professional help along with your child. Although it may feel like a betrayal at the time, a child will get over that faster than untreated depression.

Surely my child is too young to be depressed.

 In fact, depression can hit children as young as 2 or 3 years old so there’s no such thing as too young. The number rises sharply in adolescence, with girls twice as likely to suffer as boys at this point. Rest assured, depression in very young children is likely to be the result of physical or emotional trauma and rarely manifests in healthy children with a secure attachment to their parents. Children who are at risk of depression, be it from chronic illness or emotional disturbances in their life, are likely to be offered additional help, perhaps in the form of play therapy or counselling.

That said, although depression in children is rare it’s important to remember that it does still exist and shouldn’t be discounted because of age.

How can I prevent depression?

There is no one way to prevent depression but setting an example of a healthy, realistic lifestyle is a good start. Plenty of exercise and fresh air along with a good diet will help keep the brain’s chemistry in balance and ensuring plenty of time for relaxation and play is vital for relieving stress. Good communication skills lay the foundation for open and honest exchanges about emotions and will safeguard your relationship throughout the difficult teenage years. It’s never too early to talk to children, be honest with them and accept them for who they are, encourage them to express their feelings and give age-appropriate explanations for what they see in the world around them.

Get into the habit of looking for the good in life. At the end of the day encourage children to focus on the good things that have happened and consider encouraging older children who don’t want to be tucked in any more to keep a positivity journal. The act of reflecting on what has gone well prevents a spiral of negativity and a journal can be a source of encouragement when times get tough.

For more information please visit www.youngminds.org.uk

Payroll Terms

These are some of the most common terms used in payroll.

Gross pay – this is the pay before deductions for tax, national insurance, pension and student loans. The gross pay includes overtime, commission, bonuses, statutory payments and any other taxable income.

Net Pay – This is what nanny takes home in her pocket.

Tax – Deducted based on nanny’s tax code which determines nanny’s tax free allowance and then any earnings above the tax free allowance is deducted at 20%.

NI – National Insurance. There are 3 types of NI for PAYE.

Employees NI deducted from nanny’s gross wage at 12% on earnings above £166.00 per week.

Employer’s NI on top of nanny’s gross wage paid at 13.8% on earnings above £166.00 per week.

Class 1A NICS, this is a yearly payment for any benefits in kind nanny may have had for the previous tax year.

SMP – statutory maternity pay. Nanny is entitled to 39 paid weeks of leave providing she meets the criteria. Nanny is allowed a further 13 weeks unpaid

SPP – statutory paternity pay. Nanny entitled to 2 weeks of statutory pay.

SSP – statutory sick pay. Nanny will get SSP after 4 consecutive working days of sickness

P60 – Nanny will be given this form at the end of the tax year to show her annual pay, tax, NI and statutory payments, she then keeps this for her own records.

P45 – When nanny leaves your employment, a P45 will be issued with her leaving date, tax code, if a student loan has been deducted and total gross and tax to date in that tax year, she then gives this form to her next employer.

‘Hurrah’ to the Royal Baby.. ‘Boo’ to the acute morning sickness!

Hyperemesis Gravidarum – The Facts

Along with everyone else in the UK, Nannyjob let out a huge ‘Hurrah’ this week upon hearing the lovely royal baby news. We’ve all watched this perfect pair go through the courtship we all envied, then the wedding of the century. And now, the ultimate – a new cute bundle of joy for the nation’s sweethearts.

So, after our excitement had (only mildly) died down, we started to feel really quite sorry for the beautiful Kate, as we heard that she’d been admitted to a London hospital with hyperemesis gravidarum (a.k.a acute morning sickness). Now you may be thinking that all or most expectant mums get a bit of morning sickness – true, but this acute condition means that rehydration is needed, hence the hospitalisation. So, as we are always here to be the fountain of knowledge to our lovely readers (or tell you what the doctors say!), here we explain what Kate is going through:

  • hyperemesis gravidarum, is a serious medical condition with potential consequences for mother and baby.
  • by definition, the condition is the loss of at least 5% of the total body weight.
  • while seven out of ten pregnant women suffer nausea, usually in the first three months, some are sick morning noon and night throughout, vomiting as much as 25 times a day.
  • Other than the vomiting and nausea the mother might also experience very sensitive olfactory sensations, bad taste in the mouth, shivering, difficulty reading (from dehydration and changes to the eye), and delayed gastric emptying.
  • Charlotte Bronte is believed to have been a victim. Women were dying from this condition up to the 1950’s.
  • Now dehydration can be treated with a drip and is a common reason for hospitalisation accounting for more than 25,000 admissions a year.
  • Now for the fun bit – A Swedish study in The Lancet in 1999 suggested women suffering from the condition were slightly more likely to be carrying a girl (we’re already making a list of potential royal girls names!).

Nannyjob is super excited about the royal baby, and wishes Kate and William the very best of luck with their pregnancy. And who knows.. They might even start their search for a nanny soon….! 😉

 

 

‘What If Money Didn’t Matter?’

Yesterday here at Nannyjob towers, we came across something utterly fantastic – this video, that was flagged up through the powers of social media (our Facebook page!).

To say that this really got us thinking would be a huge understatement. The narrator, the late Alan Watts, takes us through the video, asking the listener to consider something  that they may possibly have never really considered before – what they would REALLY want to do with their life, if money didn’t matter.

So, as I’m sure you can imagine, when the Nannyjob team comes across something as thought provoking as this, it leads to a big discussion about how these principals apply to children. We all pretty much agreed that encouraging a child to follow their heart and gravitate towards what they love doing, rather than what might be a ‘sensible’ option, was incredibly important for their long term happiness.

There are still many parents out there who push their child into doing what they themselves think is most beneficial to get them a ‘good’ career. A recent example is a parent I came across at a local private school, who is a surgeon (as is her husband). Clearly a very clever couple in so many ways you might think, although I was utterly flabbergasted at their response to their 10 year old’s new found love of archaeology: “We’ve told him that it’s ok to like it now, but not to get too interested in it, as it wouldn’t be a good career choice”.

Oh. My. Goodness. Me! This child is TEN for God’s sake! And he REALLY ENJOYS archaeology! Apart from this, if they’re concerned about future financial successes for their LITTLE boy, surely some of the world’s leading archaeologists are onto a really high earner? Needless to say, Nannyjob was very confused (and a little sad) about this.

It appears that for many parents, this is the chosen approach. Very often the children are denied what they love doing, and are steered in the direction of something they aren’t remotely interested in, or naturally good at. The parents are then surprised when their child grows up and rebels, or even worse, spends their entire career totally miserable. Of course, this is not always the case, as many children in this position actually start believing  that this approach is the best, and that denying themselves of a degree and potentially a job in archaeology, art, dance, or whatever they actually enjoy but were told wasn’t ‘sensible’ is more beneficial to them. But I bet my last nannying pound that they turn around one day, even if it is in retirement, and say ‘what if I’d done what I really wanted….’.

So our advice is to most definitely follow the late, great Mr Watts’ advice after you watch this video, and to do what you REALLY want to do, and encourage your children the same. They will thank you for it, we promise….

To watch the video Click here!

 

 

Cold and Flu relief – What Did Those Old Wives Do?!

Brrrrrr. It’s cold here at Nannyjob. So cold that we’re cranking up the heating to full, fishing out our thickest thermals and drawing the curtains before the 6 o’clock news (have you sussed yet that we’re possibly Summer peeps?!). It’s not all bad though, the Coca Cola train and John Lewis ads have started sweeping that annual feeling of nostalgia into our living rooms, and we’re enjoying cosying up together talking about what Santa might bring.. BUT, just one very wintery problem to sort out first –

COLDS GALORE! As usual in Winter, we have little ones here with sniffles and colds, so as well as the saviour of all things that is Calpol coming to the rescue, this year we have decided to give some of the old wives tales of cold and flu relief a go on our little ones to find out which really work, and which are plain, well, silly.. and as always, we’re sharing our best bits of advice with our lovely readers!

– Chicken Soup.

Something of an icon of cold relievers, this one brings back memories of my childhood, where any sick days from school always meant a large bowl of the good stuff whilst watching lunchtime Neighbours and Going For Gold. I seem to recall it always working (rose tinted childhood specs?!). Apparently heat is the key, so any soup will work to a degree, as it promotes airway secretions and has a calming action on inflamed throats. But chicken soup’s combination of fats, spices, and water seems to work best when it comes to breaking up mucus.

Nannyjob effectiveness rating – 7/10

– Hot Toddy (minus alcohol!).

Now, again, my childhood memories of cold relief seem to include a cheeky teeny tiny drop of brandy in a hot toddy at bedtime. Not only did I feel very grown up, but I slept and felt rested (it was the 80’s and my family are Irish!). Of course, we DO NOT advise alcohol in this one for kids, but it can be done without. Mix 1 tsp of honey with a good squeeze of lemon juice, and hot water in a mug. The honey soothes, and the hot fluid has a demulcent and soothing action, with slightly bitter flavours such as lemon it is particularly beneficial.

Nannyjob effectiveness rating – 8/10

– Vitamin C.

Your child should have a good all-year-round supply of this good stuff to help ward off nastiness. According to a large review of clinical research at Helsinki University, regular doses of vitamin C may cut an adult’s cold duration in half and a child’s by a day. Now, in our experience vitamin C is a better deterrent for colds than a cure once one has begun, but it’s never a bad thing to add an extra dose when little one has a cold. As well as giving them lots of fruit and veg, our favourite vitamin C supplement for kids is from Haliborange (www.seven-seas.com/Haliborange).

Nannyjob effectiveness rating – 9/10

– Garlic.

The Nannyjob jury is out on this one. Yes, it may be beneficial, but how many children do you know who would happily drink a mixture of warm milk and crushed garlic without feeling sick? Our advice – add a little bit extra into your evening meals so little one gets an edible dose. Allicin, an active compound in garlic, is known to act as a decongestant, and garlic is known to have high antioxidant properties, so it’s worth getting your Italian cookbooks out whilst you have a cold-ridden child!

Nannyjob effective as rating – 6/10.

– Fresh air.

Again, we know this is a great boost to the system in many ways, but we’re a little dubious about sending our little ones out into the garden to play when they’re poorly. If you’re going to try this one, make sure they’re really well wrapped up and don’t stay out more than 10 minutes when poorly. According to Thomas Weidner of Ball State University, light exercise in fresh air can ease a runny nose, sore throat, or sneezing.

Nannyjob effectiveness rating – 6/10.

 Do you have any other old wives tales that work? Make sure you share your gems of knowledge with us if so! Now, back to what Santa might bring…. 😉

Feel free to comment on this blog, or let us know your own ideas for cold and flu relief on our Facebook page.

Career Re-Entry for the At-Home Parent

So, the difficult decision of ‘staying at home for the first few years’ was made whilst pregnant… the satisfaction of being there for first teeth, first steps, first day at school was achieved over those years… You’re getting a fantastic nanny lined up through Nannyjob for when you have time to go back into work… Everything seems to have fallen perfectly….

And now it’s time to get back into the big wide world of work…. Simple, hey?! Well, not always, actually. As well as the economy altering drastically, many companies now require far more innovative techniques, international networks, cost-saving approaches and collaborations – all leading to suggest that those few years at home, although great for you and your child in so many ways, may actually lead at best a real struggle to find the kind of position that you felt over qualified for before you left work to be a mummy. Or at worst to career suicide.

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Positive Parenting Techniques

We all know that if you have one or more children in your care for any length of time, feeling like being consistently positive about their behaviour (instead of tearing your hair out and yelling like a banshee) can be a real mean feat.

The experts tell us that ‘positive parenting’ – i.e. encouraging positive traits a child might have when you might normally want to pull them up on a misbehaviour, is actually the best way to train them into behaving. Becoming angry is generally not an effective way of disciplining a child. But how easy is this in reality? When you’re at the end of a long day and your patience is being tested by a naughty little one, could you really just be positive?

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