Category: nannies

The nanny diary: Day 4

It’s day 4 and things are starting to get a bit tougher as we follow a nanny and a mother through the first week in a new job, but who is feeling the strain? If you’re joining us part way through catch up on day 1, day 2 and day 3 first!

 

Nanny:

So today was the first tantrums from almost everybody. Eldest didn’t want to go to school because they have swimming and he didn’t want to go, which nearly made us late. I couldn’t find the church hall for toddler group, not that it seemed very appropriate for a 6 month old but MB obviously wants me to keep the routine going at least for the time being. People weren’t terribly friendly either when I tried to introduce myself although I met a lovely childminder who told me about a group that lots of nannies go to so I’ll try and bring that up with MB. I never know how soon to suggest introducing new things. On the one hand I think it shows I’m being proactive but on the other hand I don’t want to feel like I’m criticising the way things are at the moment and I know that wanting to go to this group is totally for me at the moment, even though I’ll hopefully meet nannies with charges a similar age to the older ones as well.

Charge number three was having so much fun at nursery she wanted to stay and not come home with me. Youngest didn’t want to go down for a nap so I didn’t get everything I wanted to done in the afternoon. I hope the older girl keeps her nap for a good long time or I’ll be really behind on laundry and cooking. 4 charges feels a lot more work than 3!

Only charge number two didn’t have a full on meltdown but he did get grumpy that we might be late for school and tried to kick his brother. I’m beginning to think I had it easy the first couple of days and now everyone is showing their true colours. I got a bit strict because I want to nip any bad behaviour in the bud so I hope they don’t give me a bad report this evening. It’s really important that some things get done on time and they need to learn that applies to time with me as well. I just didn’t think they’d be testing so soon. It’s also really difficult when you don’t know their personalities well enough to spot when they’re tired or getting annoyed with each other and you can’t step in early enough to prevent ructions. I forgot that part of settling into a job…

I have achy legs again and my upper back is starting to resent the buggy board. 4 school runs today because the eldest had an afterschool activity at school. I might see if we can find something to do that isn’t go home, take shoes off, have a snack and put shoes on again. There must be a park nearby, or possibly going to the library. When the weather turns bad going back out again in the dark and cold is just going to be awful.

Didn’t reply to MB’s text because she sent it just as the girls were waking from their nap and it was all go for bottle, school, back, school, back and I genuinely forgot. She didn’t mention it when she got home so I hope she’s not really annoyed and saving it up to fire me with tomorrow. I hope I didn’t come across as too tensed up either, because to be honest today really wasn’t an ideal day and there are a lot of thing I would like to do better.

Mother:

Today started with an odd question about the boys clothes. I hadn’t realised they had so much stuff the same size but they do definitely have different clothes. It’s bad enough people thinking they’re twins already without them sharing clothes. I obviously don’t deal with unexpected questions in the morning well but by the time I got home she’d taken the initiative and got the boys to help her.

A lot busier so I didn’t have the temptation to call as much but I did fire off a quick text before I managed to stop myself and got no reply which worried me a bit. I could see how hectic the afternoon had been when I got back though so I forgave her. It would be a bit of a pot, kettle, black situation because my husband is forever telling me off for not answering my phone or responding to messages or emails. It’s quite reassuring to see that everything is getting done and that means I should be able to focus 100% on work when I’m there and not worry. It’s a big jump to having a nanny not just the stuff you have to do to become an employer but also the emotions that go with it. I never felt that I would be replaced by a nursery or our childminder but having someone do exactly what I do every day is a bit disconcerting.

The nanny diary: day 3

 

This week we’re following a nanny and mother as they settle in to a new job. Day 1 and Day 2 went well, so how does it go flying solo?

Nanny:

MB left at 7.45 this morning so I had to do everything all by myself. I don’t think anyone went out with visible toothpaste or without something important. School run success.

I sorted some laundry while baby napped this morning and I realised I don’t know which clothes are which for the older boys. We’re going to have find some way of marking them until I learn. Or maybe they just share because they’re the same size? I haven’t dressed them in the morning so that’s something I need to find out but typically I forgot to ask this evening.

I also realised I didn’t ask MB how she felt about messy sensory play. I had sort of planned to do some this morning once youngest charge woke up but everything seems so clean that maybe she doesn’t allow it at home, so we read some stories and rolled a ball around instead.

The afternoon was pretty uneventful and for once there is nothing afterschool, so we played games together in teams – eldest and youngest against the middle two and me by myself. Then the older two played with Lego while I did dinner. I felt a bit bad that MB came in with Lego all over the floor as one of the things she seemed quite keen on was having everything tidied away, but she was home a bit early and I was going to make them clear up.

We went through my list of questions except the clothes, some easy to answer, some not so easy. She’s asked for a chat on Friday which makes me a bit nervous.

Mother

First day back and even though I’m not back fully until Monday I’ve kept 3 KIT days to the end to sort everything out. This means I’m not busy and I have to resist the temptation to call and see how everything is going. I keep bringing up the number and then not pressing call.

Now resisting the temptation to go home early and do a surprise pick up from school. I don’t want to barge in on the first real day. I’m not too sure how to ask how it went either. Part of me wants a really detailed handover detailing how the day went minute by minute and part of me says I have to trust that it was all okay and she’ll tell me if it wasn’t.

So at the end of the day it seems the timings were fine, but there are a whole load of things we never talked about. I’ve suggested we block aside time for a proper chat on Friday for the things I need to think over, like whether we really want to get a double pushchair. I’ve managed without one so far but I suppose we could get a double stroller affair and I take her point that she’s 4 inches shorter than me so the pushchair plus buggy board combo isn’t working and we need to find something that does.

The nanny diary: Day 2

 

If you want to catch up on the happenings of Day 1 of our real life nanny diary which follows a nanny and a mother in the first week of a job just click here

 

 

Nanny:

My legs were killing me this morning and we had even more walking today because there’s a baby class in the centre of town. The upside is I got promised Starbucks and told to make it a weekly thing because there isn’t time to go home in between the school run and class and nowhere to hang out in the middle. Yay!

We went to music class together and then MB left to meet a friend for lunch so I had to walk to nursery, only just making it in time for pick up, and number 3 came along quite happily which was a really good sign. I was a bit worried she would kick off that it was me picking her up but it was fine and she was super well behaved on the way home. I guess because MB doesn’t drive they’re all used to walking and have good road safety sense, or at least as good as a 2 year old can have. She walked part of the time and asked to go on the buggy board when she was tired which I found a bit difficult to push. I might ask MB about getting a cheap double buggy because I think my arms are too short!

I think one job for Monday afternoon is going to be preparing something for Tuesday lunch because time is really tight and we were a bit late today which pushed nap time back and the school run was a rush yesterday. Thankfully they didn’t sleep as long today and when I asked MB she said they often had a long nap Monday afternoon which I’m glad I found out now! I managed a load of laundry and transferred it to the dryer, and prepped dinner and even had a sit down to rest my aching legs before this evening’s charging around. Tuesday is normally going to be an early finish because as long as MB is back I can take the boys to Beavers and go home but today MB just wants me to check back in.

We had a good chat about playdates on the way home. When I asked about them at interview she said she was really happy that it will be possible and she wants me to feel free to arrange things for the children or have people over and then she refused to let the eldest go between school and Beavers tonight but I’m glad we had time together for her to explain where she’s coming from, and it makes sense. Plus it makes my life easier if I can just leave when MB comes home without having to do an activity run!

I really need a hot bath but we don’t have a bathtub so a long, hot shower in going to have to do and an early night. I think I’ll be able to cancel my gym membership at this rate.

Mother:

Today was, I think, a pretty good test day. I hung back a bit in the morning and even managed to put make up on before the school run. We had a quick chat about yesterday when getting coffee in between school and rhyme time and there didn’t seem anything majorly wrong. I managed grown up lunch out with a friend and met up at the school gate just in time to explain the rules on impromptu playdates. We had an activity this evening so it’s fine if it’s planned in advance and they have everything they need in the morning and they can go with a friend but otherwise only on free evenings. I’ve spent 6 months enforcing this rule after we went a bit playdate silly and I really don’t want it broken now.

The first benefit of having a nanny has become clear! Dinner is all prepared and just needs to be reheated and the shepherd’s pie was huge enough for all the family. I asked if it was okay if we ate some too and she seemed a bit embarrassed but said we could. I don’t know what she was embarrassed about because it was great.

The nanny diary: Day 1

This week we’re doing something a little different. A real life series of 5 posts detailing the first 5 days from a nanny and a mother’s perspective!

 

 

Nanny:

My alarm went of at 6.15am this morning and I practically sprinted out of bed into the shower. I needed to be at my new job for 7.30 and I really didn’t want to be late. It turns out that there is very little traffic so I ended up being 20 minutes early and parked my car around the corner and waited. I rang the doorbell 5 minutes early, which felt a little odd knowing that in a couple of hours I’d have keys and probably wouldn’t be ringing the bell every morning!

Everyone was having breakfast when I walked in and MB offered me some toast, but I ate breakfast before I left. It’s good to know I can have breakfast at work. 5 minutes more sleep! Then it was all systems go brushing teeth, putting on coats and shoes and getting out the door to go to school. There are 4 children, 2 at school, 1 doing half days at nursery and 1 at home full time, so there’s a lot to get ready and we’re going to be walking everywhere. Thankfully I have 2 days with MB at home to get all the local routes and shortcuts in my head. MB explains the rules and I’m glad we seem on the same page.

After an hour out and about we’re at home and baby is napping in the pram so we have a cuppa and run through a typical week, MB shows me how all the appliances work and shares her routine for getting the housework that I’ll be taking on done although she says I don’t have to stick to it, and once baby woke up she made a start preparing lunch while I fed baby and played a little game of peekaboo. Soon it was time to head out to nursery and fetch charge number 3. We all ate lunch together and I managed to get spaghetti sauce down my top. Ooops.

This afternoon was my first time alone with the younger two, which they spend napping, and I decided to make a treasure basket as they don’t seem to have one. They woke up just before needed to go to the school run so it was a bit of a rush to prepare a bottle and get ready and leave. I’m not used to leaving this much time for walking so I’m going to have to make a note to watch that especially this week.

After-school was a blur of taking number 1 to a violin lesson, taking number 2 to karate (is there anything cuter than a bunch of 5 year olds doing karate?), picking up number 1, picking up number 2, eating tea, doing homework/reading and getting everyone ready for bed. I feel exhausted and I have no idea how MB has been doing this on her own. Most nights she says she’ll be home by 5 so we’ll sort out the last hour and a half between us but if she has a late meeting I can see myself running in circles.

 

Mother:

Last night I was writing down everything I need to talk about and I didn’t realise how much I do until I was trying to consciously explain while doing it. I’m sure there are things I’ve forgotten to talk about today. I’ve also realised I’m not looking forward to the end of maternity leave and I’m feeling a bit funny about having a nanny because we’ve always used nursery or a childminder but fingers crossed it will make life that much easier.

First day seems to have gone okay. I’m desperately trying not to step in and let her find her own way of doing things. I’m also trying to feel my way through the etiquette of having a nanny. Should she be eating breakfast with the children in the morning? Will she eat dinner with them in the evening? Do I need to justify every parenting move I’ve made or is it all common sense?

I’m reassured that she took the pace of the day in her stride – it’s all go to get to nursery at 8.30, school at 8.45, nursery at 11.30, lunch and naps, school at 3.30 and anything after-school so having someone who can keep to time and get where they need is so important. Tomorrow is the day for letting go!

How to keep your nanny – 10 ways

A while ago we posted a tongue in cheek post ‘How to lose your nanny in 10 days‘. Hopefully you’ve avoided making most of these mistakes and have a happy, settled relationship with your nanny. As the festive season looms (to be followed by that horrid January slump) we thought now might be a good time to look at ways you can keep your nanny happy.

  • Remember that one-off gestures are all well and good but the best way to keep your relationship (be it with your nanny or anyone else in fact) is constantly paying attention to the little things. Respecting your nanny will go a long way to ensuring their happiness and if you don’t have time to click on the link RESPECT stands for Rights, Earnings, Space, Professionalism, Expenses, Choices and Time. It’s worth just repeating that last one – your nanny’s finish time is the time they should be walking out the door, not the time you walk in. If you find yourself being persistently late then consider extending your nanny’s hours and paying for that time.
  • Make allowances, because your nanny is a person too, for the occasional late start (whether it’s a public transport mishap or a sleepy alarm clock) or off day. Allowing them to go early on occasion will make them a lot more tolerant of your occasional lateness (be it public transport or a meeting that overruns).  An unscheduled early finish rates pretty highly among the various perks nannies get, by the way! In the same vein appreciate the restrictions your nanny has on their time and let them run personal errands during work hours occasionally.
  • Get them a takeaway when they babysit, and if you have a netflix account or similar encourage them to use it. Or if they prefer to cook for themselves leave a bit of extra cash so they can pick up some special ingredients and have a nice meal.
  • Don’t skimp on sick pay if you can afford it. The odd bug happens to everyone and it’s doubly unfair for a nanny to have an unpaid sick day because they’re throwing up as a result of your little darlings’ generosity with their germs.
  • Let them use the stuff in your house. If you have a Kenwood Chef or a KitchenAid stand mixer and an enthusiastic baker for a nanny who’s planning to make her best friend’s birthday cake with a hand held beater from Tesco then let her use your kitchen one day. If their washing machine breaks down then instead of letting them trek to the launderette put your washing machine temporarily at their disposal. It might bump up your bills a bit but it’ll bump up goodwill even more.
  • Invite your nanny as a guest to significant events for the children like birthdays and christenings, unless you want them to work in which case pay them overtime. Chances are they won’t come but most nannies will appreciate that you think of them as part of the family.
  • Remember them on their birthday and at Christmas (or equivalent major religious festival that you or they celebrate). You don’t need to give an extravagant gift or a month’s salary as a bonus to show your appreciate them and all the work they do. Something small and personal with a voucher for their favourite store will probably go down well. Photographs of your children in expensive frames, while lovely to look at, aren’t a winner unless it’s a leaving gift.
  • Review their performance and their pay once a year. If you can’t afford a pay rise then try and show them you appreciate their work in another way, or give them some extra holiday as a reward for staying with the family. The very least you can do is point out what a great job they’ve done through the year and all the times you’ve noticed and appreciated them going the extra mile. 
  • Recommend them if they want extra babysitting and you know someone who wants a sitter. If your nanny doesn’t want to babysit then point your friend in the direction of our free babysitting section!
  • Finally…. Say thank you. Every day. Without fail.

Nannies and pregnancy

Over on our Facebook page  we’re always happy to post queries on behalf of nannies wanting other readers to share their experiences. Recently one nanny contacted us with the happy news that she was pregnant, wanting advice on how to tell her employers and what her rights were. As a nanny getting pregnant isn’t an uncommon situation but one which can be complicated for employer and nanny alike we’ve put together a handy at-a-glance post covering the main issues for a pregnant nanny.

When do I have to tell my employers?

The law says employees, which includes most nannies, must inform their employer about their pregnancy by the 15th week before their expected due date, which is 25 weeks pregnant. Your midwife will give you a form, known as a MATB1, to give to your employers around 20 weeks.

In reality many nannies choose to tell their boss earlier, often after the 12 week scan. Some choose to tell their employers almost as soon as they find out because they have a very close relationship. In this case you will need a letter from your doctor or midwife as proof of pregnancy.

Choosing to tell your employers earlier means they can carry out a risk assesment on your job sooner, you invoke your right to paid time off for ante-natal care and you have protection from dismissal due to pregnancy related illness (which may be important if you suffer from hyperemesis gravida or SPD/pelvic pain).

What does a risk assessment for a pregnant nanny involve?

As a nanny’s job is so varied it’s impossible to give specifics here, but as an example an employer of a pregnant nanny may need to consider the impact of lifting a baby or toddler, the likelihood of contact with infectious diseases

Can I keep working during my pregnancy?

Yes, nannies can keep working as long as they want or are able to. Your employer has a duty of care towards you, which includes making reasonable adjustments to your job to allow for your pregnancy.

When can I go on maternity leave?

You can start your maternity leave any time after the 29th week of pregnancy. The live birth of your baby at any point in pregnancy will also trigger the start of maternity leave, as will a stillbirth after the 24th week of pregnancy or pregnancy related sickness after the 36th week of pregnancy.

Will I be paid on maternity leave?

As an employee nannies are entitled to 6 weeks at 90% of full pay, and 33 weeks at the current rate of Statutory Maternity Pay or 90% of their average weekly salary during the qualifying period, whichever is the lower figure providing they have worked for the family for 26 weeks before the 25th week of pregnancy. Nanny employers usually count as small employers for tax purposes and can reclaim 100% of the amount paid to the nanny plus a small percentage to cover the employer’s NICs.

If you don’t qualify for SMP you can claim Maternity Allowance. Your employer should notify you of this by giving you form SMP1.

Where you have two or more jobs you are entitled to receive SMP for each job where you qualify to receive SMP. In this case you’ll need to submit a copy of your MATB1 form to each employer.

How much maternity leave do I get?

Nannies are entitled to 26 weeks Ordinary Maternity Leave and 26 weeks Additional Maternity Leave, a total of 52 weeks. You can choose to take less, but must take at least 2 weeks after the birth. When you start your maternity leave you should inform your employer of your expected return date, and you can change this at any point with 8 weeks notice.

What happens to my holiday?

You continue to accrue holiday while on maternity leave, so if you take a year of maternity leave you can take that time at the end of your maternity leave.

Can I work during my maternity leave?

You cannot take on any new employment during your maternity leave and still receive SMP but you can do up to 10 Keeping In Touch days with your employer without losing your right to SMP.

Do my employers have to keep my job open for me?

You have the right to return to your job under the same terms and conditions after Ordinary Maternity Leave. If you take Additional Maternity Leave then your employer must offer you your old job or a similar job with the same (or better) terms and conditions.

Can I be made redundant because I am pregnant?

An employer cannot make their nanny redundant because they are pregnant. That would be discrimination. However a nanny’s maternity leave may cause employers to substantially change their childcare arrangements, resulting in redundancy (for example deciding to use a childminder or after-school club).

If your job has changed slightly, e.g. it has become a part time job, then you have the right to be offered this job ahead of anyone else.

Do I have the right to bring my child to work?

No, a nanny does not have the right to bring their child to work but this can be negotiated with employers.

What happens if I’m in a nanny share and want to return to work with my child?

In a nanny share a nanny cares for the children from two families at the same time. The nanny’s child would count as a third family and this would mean registering as a childminder under the Children’s Act 1989.

References

When employing a nanny it’s vitally important to take up references and most nannies request a written reference at the end of a position. Ex-nanny employers should expect to be contacted by parents even 10 years down the line, as for some nannies this might still be within the ‘most recent’ referees.

A written reference for a nanny should confirm the dates of employment and duties as a bare minimum. It’s also nice to include anything the nanny did particularly well and give concrete examples of how they performed their duties. Comments on reliability and timekeeping, ability to deal with emergencies and the nanny’s general attitude towards the children and the job provide a good starting point for anyone checking the reference verbally. Written references need to be neutral, sticking to very basic factual information, or positive. It’s not against the law to give a ‘bad’ reference (although we would recommend that anyone who feels they can’t give a broadly positive reference seeks individual legal advice) but a written reference is not the place to raise any disciplinary issues.

An ex-employer is obliged to give an honest and fair reference. Essentially this means not holding back information where you can prove what you’re saying. If someone asks whether there were ever any issues raised with the nanny or whether any disciplinary action was taken a fair reference must respond truthfully. It’s intended to be fair to the employee and the future employer after all.

Disciplinary action is an easy question to answer, and a reason why it’s important to keep records of formal warnings. If there was no disciplinary action then no need to worry! Broader performance management is a finer line. It’s expected that at the beginning nannies will be given feedback, and unless the nanny didn’t respond to that it would be unfair to mention it in a future reference. A reference shouldn’t mention anything a nanny hasn’t been given an opportunity to correct, so if a nanny was consistently late but there was no conservation about lateness then a nanny could easily argue they weren’t able to act on this and improve their timekeeping.

Most previous employers will give an unreservedly glowing reference, focusing on the quality of the nanny’s relationship with the children, and that’s a really good sign of a great nanny because it shows a lasting positive impact. Their tone of voice and willingness to answer questions will say a lot about how genuine their feelings are, and that’s one reason why it’s important to follow up written or email references with a phone call. A final test for a reference is to ask whether in the same situation they would employ the nanny again. It goes without saying that you’d expect the answer there to be a ‘yes’.

Be Beyoncé’s nanny?

Well, no not really… Unfortunately we don’t to the best of our knowledge have it listed on our site, but feel free to go and have a look in case it’s there!

What we’re really interested in is the requirements they, and other celebs have for the person who will be looking after their little bundles, and not everyone has the luxury of bringing their old nanny out of retirement like Prince William.

So Beyoncé and Jay-Z want a French speaker who is happy to travel. They’ll also almost certainly have the reasonable requirement that you maintain strict confidentiality, and that would include protecting little Blue Ivy from nosy journalists and paparazzi, and that you provide top-notch care for their little princess.

It seems languages are a pretty common requirement for celeb nannies. It’s got to help with the travelling, although Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin took it to extremes wanting a tutor to speak not only one but FOUR languages to their 5 year old, including Latin and Greek. Brad Pitt and Angeline Jolie insist that their nannies (yes, plural, each child has one) have a degree in child development or education and speak that child’s native language, which considering the multi-cultural make-up of their family we think is a lovely idea.

Sometimes the requirements can get a little out of hand. Alanis Morisette was in the news for reportedly insisting her nanny worked 12 hour shifts without any break to eat or go to the loo unless someone else was in the room with the (sleeping) child. Although 24/7 cover is definitely not that unusual, after all the stars are out at all hours of the night and someone has to babysit, most employers will at least appreciate that a nanny who faints from hunger or is desperate to use the bathroom isn’t going to be the most effective caregiver and celebrity nannies often work in teams. Going to back to little Blue Ivy, she apparently has 6.

Although celebrities, like everyone else, want to give their kids the best start in life (hence the French speaker for that linguistic head start), what’s most important is that their children are safe and well-cared for when they can’t be around, just like everyone else.

Here at Nannyjob we say GOOD LUCK with finding the best possible nanny for Blue Ivy, and if that turns out to be you, we understand that you won’t be able to let us know!

Nanny contracts

If you’ve recently employed a nanny you should have signed a contract with them before handing over your children and the house keys, but you do have 2 months from the date your nanny starts work to provide your nanny with a written statement of employment so if you haven’t already then it’s not too late. You can find out more about the why and how of nanny contracts here and Nannyjob also provides 2 model contracts for you to download and use if you wish, and we’ve put together some additional pointers.

Agree a gross wage

As an employer you are responsible for deducting tax and National Insurance, leaving your nanny with their net pay. It’s important to put a gross wage in the contract so your nanny’s personal tax arrangements don’t result in overly-complex calculations each payment period.

 

Be precise about holiday

Each employee is entitled to 5.6 weeks holiday per year, which is 28 days for a full time worker and pro rata-ed down for a part-time worker. This includes any Bank Holidays, which means a full time worker will get 4 weeks plus 8 Bank Holidays. For part time workers the picture is more complex. A nanny who works Monday and Tuesday is entitled to 11.2 days (you can round up but not down) and will have 4 Bank Holidays on working days in 2014, leaving 7.2 days rather than 8 (which would be 4 working weeks) to choose. A nanny working Tuesday and Wednesday has only 1 Bank Holiday on working days in 2014, leaving 10.2 days of holiday. Allocating 4 working weeks or 8 days, would give less that the statutory minimum.

If your nanny works variable hours you might be better using an accrual method so both of you are clear in the contract how holiday will be worked out fairly.

 

Agree a list of duties

A written contract is the best reference for what duties have been agreed in case of any disputes further down the line. It’s also a useful tool for assessing and appraising performance, and if problems arise it gives clear indications of what can be considered poor performance for disciplinary purposes.

 

Define gross misconduct

In rare situations you may want to dismiss your nanny instantly without notice but there needs to be a provision in the contract for this. Common grounds for summary dismissal as a result of gross misconduct are child abuse, theft, using alcohol or illegal drugs whilst on duty and being found guilty of a serious criminal offence. Remember that if you dismiss your nanny for harming a child you have a responsibility to report that to the DBS.

When it doesn’t work out

Last week we posted about the ‘two week itch’, that point where the reality of your new job (or nanny) sinks in and you start to find things that you’re not happy with. Hopefully these issues can be resolved by communicating openly about your feelings and expectations and you can move forward happily. Unfortunately sometimes the situation doesn’t improve and you’re faced with a choice of bringing the arrangement to an end or persevering but being unhappy.

In a tough market it can be difficult to take the brave decision to give notice. If you’re still in the probationary period the contractual notice may be very short – perhaps one week instead of four, which doesn’t leave much time to find a new job or find a new nanny. You can give more notice that the minimum required but it’s good practice to agree on an end date and stick to that.

Notice should always be given in writing. You don’t need to give your reasons in the letter, but we would strongly recommend having an honest conversation about why you’re choosing to move on. It’s possible that you can still find a way forward, but equally if you just feel that you’re not a good fit for each other then be open about that. Sometimes it can be difficult to put your finger on exactly what’s up but things you can’t measure such as how similar your childcare styles are or how well a nanny has bonded with the children are very important to a good relationship.

Working through the notice period might feel awkard, because in many ways giving notice is personal rejection. Some employers may choose to pay in lieu of notice and it’s not uncommon to feel concern about a nanny’s commitment to the job once notice has been given by either party. Equally nannies might feel that the trust in the relationship has been broken and that can affect their work and allow resentment to build up. It’s still important to remain polite and respectful and work together for the benefit of the children. Maintaining an effective working relationship in dififcult circumstances is a sign of professionalism and maturity.

Some employers will take the notice period into account when writing a reference and some won’t. Some will refuse to provide a reference altogether but that can leave a nanny in a tricky situation. Employers should be prepared to at least provide a written reference confirming dates and duties, and if it was the employer’s choice to give notice and the reasons for terminating the contract are mentioned in a verbal reference they should make sure these were raised with the nanny and the nanny given opportunities to improve. Where the job was obtained through an agency the agency should be able to confirm to any future employer that it’s not a suspicious gap on the nanny’s CV.

If you need to have this difficult conversation then choose a time when the children are occupied and not just as one of you is about to rush out the door. It’s usually better to put it off for day but have the time to talk. Never leave a letter for the other party to find when you’re not around!