Category: parents

Nasty payroll surprises and how to avoid them

It’s the time of year when parents are doing their first payroll run with a new nanny and if your initial sums were out it can be an unpleasant experience discovering that you’ve got a higher bill than you thought you had.

Problem #1 Nanny has another job

Even if it’s a Saturday job, if she had that job first she’ll be on a BR tax code with you, which means no tax free allowance and all earnings taxed at 20%. It used to be possible to split tax codes but HMRC are very reluctant to do that since real time information (RTI) was introduced. If you agreed a net salary then you are liable for all the tax and National Insurance contributions, which can be a lot more than you bargained for.

Problem #2 Nanny has a student loan

Student loan repayments kick in above £325/week (£1,409/month or £16,910/year) gross.  9% of the amount above this salary needs to be paid to the Student Loans Company on the nanny’s behalf, and you’re also liable for this if you agreed a net salary, which if a nanny is earning £2,250 a month is an extra £75. Nannies with degrees are becoming increasingly common, and most of those who have studied in the UK will have taken out a student loan. An even nastier surprise is where you think you’ve employed a nanny and are paying under the repayment threshold but overtime has pushed them over.

Problem #3 Nanny has a special code      

HMRC allocate codes based on an individual’s situation. Most people with one job will have a standard tax code (for 2014 this is 1000L), however if a nanny has to pay back tax which was underpaid in previous years or receives benefits in kind they may have a special tax code which reduces their personal allowance (for example 700L which means they have a personal tax allowance of only £7,000 for the year), increasing your tax liability if you have agreed upon a net salary.

The simplest way to avoid any nasty surprises your end is to agree a gross salary in the contract. That way you know what your costs are, and you deduct the amount of tax (and anything else) your nanny is required to pay rather than adding to your bill.

Pitching a nanny salary

Pitching a nanny salary can be difficult. No two nanny jobs are the same, ever family has different requirements and expectations, and even jobs with many variables in common might be advertised with very different salaries. There are four main things which affect a salary: location, the nanny’s profile, the demands of the job and perks.

To get an idea of salaries in you local area look at jobs which are being advertised. The nannyjob.co.uk search feature will enable you to do this and includes jobs through agencies which can offer a good guide to what nannies are really looking for and what nanny agents feel is a reasonable salary for the nannies they place.

Just as every job is different every nanny is different. There are all kinds of nannies from those with no qualifications to those with relevant postgraduate degrees, those with no experience of nannying or even any childcare to those with many decades. Take into account the kind of nanny you want. Experience and qualifications come with a price tag, and an experienced nanny who feels undervalued won’t hesitate to look around for a better deal. Equally an inexperienced or unqualified nanny might be cheaper but will need more guidance and management from you and the time you need to invest may outweigh the additional cost of a more experienced nanny.

Think objectively about the demands of the job. Do you need to sweeten the deal? Long hours or a very heavy workload may need a higher salary to attract candidates. Travel might seem an attractive prospect but in reality it’s very disruptive for a live out nanny as they are still paying rent and bills. Even a live in nanny may have a gym membership she can’t use or have to cancel meeting up with friends. Although a nanny is paid on a per family basis, a job with 6 children will be less attractive than a job with 2 so you may need to offer more money to make it worth their while.

A nanny share represents increased work for the nanny, not necessarily because of the extra child (although dealing with children close in age can be more challenging than a sibling group) but because they then have 2 sets of parents to communicate with and please. Scheduling holiday becomes more complicated and there’s a risk that they may lose their job if the share falls apart. To reflect all this nanny share salaries are usually around 25% higher (gross) than a single family – still a cost saver for you!

Part time jobs tend to get more per hour gross – a nanny with multiple employers may end up being on a BR tax code since real-time reporting was introduced (which is why you should never agree net) so to keep their take home pay in line consider paying a little more. It’s also harder for a before and after school nanny to get a job during school hours, or an afternoon nanny to fill their mornings, so again consider paying a little more than a full time position would per hour so they can survive.

Job longevity is a definite perk. If your job is a relatively temporary one or your children are close to school age again you might need to offer a little more to compensate for the lack of stability, unless you can guarantee the job with the same pay but reduced hours in the future.

One of the most common perks is allowing a nanny to bring their own child(ren) to work with them. There are lots of different opinions on pitching a salary for a nanny with own child (NWOC). Some will say you’re paying for the experience and competence of the nanny and that stays the same even if she brings her child along. Others saying a 20-30% reduction is pay is appropriate because your children are no longer getting undivided attention, you cannot enter into a share to reduce your costs, you have increased wear and tear on your house and your nanny may be less flexible with hours. Remember you cannot pay less than minimum wage!

Finally the most important thing is what you can afford. There’s no point advertising £15/hour if you can’t afford it. It’s best to advertise a narrow range and keep some in reserve. We suggest aiming to keep round £1/hour to negotiate with comfortably. Although it may not feel a lot on an hourly basis you don’t need to go up in increments of £1/hour when negotiating – for most nanny jobs that’s £50/week, or £2.5k/year, so you can add £10 to the weekly pay even if it only works out to 20p/hour. This will allow you to offer an exceptional candidate that little bit extra at interview, or plan a pay rise in the future.

New additions to the family

Is keeping your nanny during maternity leave a luxury or an essential? Unless you’re going back to work very soon after the birth, most people would say it’s a luxury and one that they would struggle to afford. But chances are you’re going to want your nanny back when you go back to work since she’s put in time bonding with your older child(ren) and knows your house, your area, your routines and your preferences. So how do you deal with this?

The legal situation is that your nanny has a job under their original terms and conditions until you make them redundant. So they will be expecting to stay on doing their usual hours and receiving their usual pay during your maternity leave. There are big advantages to keeping your nanny – you know that you will have time to rest and focus on your newborn, your older children won’t have their routine disrupted and you have someone that you know and trust who can care for the new arrival while you spend time with your other children – but we know that the cost can make the impractical.

In this case you need to renegotiate your nanny’s terms of employment. You might want to keep them on part time, or investigate the possibility of a nanny share based at someone else’s house, but it’s vital to discuss this early on with your nanny. You might find that they’re happy to take a break for a few months to go and do a ski or summer season abroad but have a secure job to come back to, or that they’re happy to reduce their hours as long as they can find another job. You may equally find that they’re just expecting things to carry on as normal. As awkward as it might feel to have this conversation the sooner you get this out in the open the better. She will be feeling just as unsure about her future. Hopefully your nanny will respect your timescale and if you want her to commit to staying until after the birth so she can care for your older children while you’re in hospital then make that clear from the start, and consider offering a bonus to tempt her away from any offers that require an earlier start.

Remember that making your nanny redundant at the start of your maternity leave, while it will save your money in the short term, means that you are committing yourself to finding a new nanny at the end of your maternity leave which is a substantial investment of time and money at a point when you want to be making the most of your time with your children.

All the best for the rest of your pregnancy!

Expanding social circles

A common worry about nanny care is that children will end up socially isolated and stuck in the house with their nanny all day but one to one care doesn’t mean that your nanny and child will spend all day every in just each other’s company. A good nanny will work with you to develop and expand your child’s horizons.

 

Babies benefit from being in their own surroundings with a stable, consistent adult carer much more than they benefit from seeing other babies at nursery. Although they might find other babies intriguing for a short time, children don’t actually play together until they are about 2 years old. This doesn’t mean, of course, that it’s healthy for them to go without other social contact all day, no more than it’s healthy for a nanny, but you don’t need to send your child to nursery for them to see other children. Search out local toddler groups, classes and story times and trust your nanny to make judgements about the people she meets.

 

The friendships that develop between children who see each other with their nannies can be a lot more flexible than the friendships developed at nursery. They can have the experience of inviting their friends to their house, which involves sharing their toys and their space, as well as seeing where their friends live. They get the fun of spontaneous play dates and learn to be a good host as well as a good guest.

 

A benefit of encouraging your nanny to create a local circle of nanny friends is that if she is ever sick, or you have trouble covering her holiday, you can reach out to those contacts who will know your child and your nanny’s style of care, which is hopefully the same as yours, and create a short term nanny share, with the understanding that you are happy for your nanny to reciprocate and host another child at your house if their nanny is ever ill.

Questions not to ask at interview

Interviewing can be a nerve wracking process and it’s understandable that families want to find out as much about their potential nanny as possible, but there are certain questions which should be avoided in case they lead to direct or indirect discrimination.

In some cases you may have reasons for wanting to know the information and feel that bring direct and open is the best way, but you must phrase your questions carefully so they are supported by a legitimate need and do not leave you open to claims of discrimination.

“Are you married/in a relationship?”

Why it’s bad: Questions about marital status can be seen as discrimatory, or trying to find out about sexual preferences.
Why you might want to know: If you’re hiring a live in nanny you might want to know whether they’re going to move their partner in too, or whether you’ll be waking up to a string of different ‘houseguests’
What you can say: “Would you expect to have guests to stay?”

“Do you have children?”

Why it’s bad: A nanny could claim that you discriminated against them if you didn’t give them the job and gave it to someone who didn’t have children.
Why you might want to know: A whole host of reasons, including whether the nanny is likely to want to bring their children to work regularly or occasionally or whether they have their own children to pick up from childcare, thus reducing their flexibility.
What you can say: “Do you have any obligations at home which may interfere with your attendance or ability to do this job and how do you plan to minimise the impact of those?

“Are you planning to have children soon?”

Why it’s bad: This is definitely discriminatory – although you are trying to reduce the impact of an employee going on maternity or paternity leave it’s illegal to ask this question.
Why you might want to know: A nanny planning to start a family will mean you need to find alternative childcare to cover the leave they are entitled to.
What you can say: Nothing. This is a risk you need to be prepared to take.

“Do you have a disability?”

Why it’s bad: Asking someone whether they have a disability contravenes legislation on equality.
Why you might want to know: Some disabilities may impair a nanny’s ability to do their job.
What you can say: You can focus on whether the applicant is able to do the job e.g. “Are you able to lift and carry my toddler?”. You can also ask whether you need to make reasonable adjustments once a job offer has been made. As an employer it is up to you to decide what is ‘reasonable’ in terms of your requirements. You may not be able to adjust working hours, for example, but you may be able to accommodate time off for treatment on a regular basis. If you are in any doubt we suggest you seek specialist advice.

“How old are you?”

Why it’s bad: Knowing someone’s age could lead to a claim of age discrimination. You must focus on someone’s ability to do the job, whether old or young.
Why you might want to know: Nosiness!
What you can say: Nothing.

“Where do you come from?”

Why it’s bad: Nationality and ethnicity should have no bearing on someone’s suitability as a nanny.
Why you might want to know: If you require your nanny to travel or if you have concerns about their right to work in the UK (which you should verify in any case) you may feel reassured by knowing their nationality. You may also think this is a friendly question inviting the nanny to talk about themselves. In rare cases it may be a genuine occupational requirement that a nanny holds a particular passport.
What you can say: “Are you able to travel within the EU without restrictions/to X with the appropriate visa?” “Can you provide evidence of your right to work in the UK?”

“What religion are you?”

Why it’s bad: This question is grounds for claiming discrimination.
Why you might want to know: If you want your nanny to support your religious practices you might think the simplest way is if they belong to your religion.
What you can say: “We are Jewish/Hindu/Catholic and would like you to respect our traditions and support our children in their religious development. Do you feel comfortable doing that?”

Separation Anxiety

Separating from their primary carer is a difficult experience for babies, and their parents too! In this post we look at some of the causes of separation anxiety and strategies to help.

 

What is separation anxiety?

Most people equate separation anxiety with crying and clinginess to a familiar adult. Separation anxiety is a natural stage that most children experience for the first time between 7 and 12 months. It’s a perfectly normal reaction to being parted from their primary carer. Unfortunately it also often coincides with a child entering childcare for the first time as a parent goes back to work. By the time a child is 2 years old, separation anxiety should have calmed down, although they may still be anxious or nervous about staying with an unfamiliar adult or in an unfamiliar place the first time it happens. Children (and adults) continue to experience some symptoms of separation anxiety even when they can rationalise what it happening. This can often be seen in parents leaving their child for the first time!

 

What causes separation anxiety?

Separation anxiety occurs when babies realise that things and people exist even when they can’t be seen. Babies realise that they are alone and feel that there should be someone there, so may cry in the night if they wake and find themselves alone or cry if you leave the room, or they feel anxious when a familiar adult leaves, even if there is someone to look after them.

 

What can help?

This depends on what is causing the anxiety and the extent you’re prepared to compromise what you do.

If a baby experiences separation anxiety every time you leave the room one option is to take them with you. At some stage they will outgrow their anxiety but this isn’t always practical.

Another strategy is to practice, first by playing peekaboo or hide and seek and then leaving the room and popping back in frequently. Say that you’re going and you’ll be back soon, and don’t worry if you can only manage 10 seconds at first. The most important thing is that you leave and come back.

Children will often experience less separation anxiety if left with another familiar adult so try to balance time spent with Mummy where Daddy leaves and time spent with Daddy and Mummy leaves. A child will feel more secure about the absence of one parent because the other parent is still there. Having other familiar adults – extended family, neighbours or friends – who will stay while you leave, even if it’s just to make a cup of tea, will acclimatise them to being without you without being alone.

At night or nap time do comfort a child but keep visits short and try to avoid lots of interaction. Their separation anxiety is real and distressing for them and they need to know that you are there. If they are unable to fall asleep because they are so distressed try the gradual retreat method where you put them in their cot and sit beside them, gradually moving further and further away until you are out the door. It may take a while and you need to be consistent but it is a gentle way to help them overcome their fear.

 

Separation anxiety and childcare – some advice for parents.

Children who have only ever been in the care of their parents naturally experience separation anxiety when they enter childcare or school.Children who are used to being around a wide range of familiar adults, for example extended family, are less likely to protest when Mummy or Daddy leaves although they are still likely to experience some separation anxiety. The transition just feels easier because they are accustomed to you leaving and coming back and you are used to leaving them.

It’s important to have a settling in period with a childminder or nursery, or a handover with a new nanny. Build up to a short day by first leaving for short periods, then half days and eventually a full day.

Make sure you always say good-bye when you go, and childcarers should always say good-bye at the end of the day too. Once you have left resist the temptation to pop back and see how they’re doing and then leaving again – this is confusing for children.

Always be positive about your chosen childcare. If your child senses that you are nervous or unsure they will pick up on this and feel unsettled too.

Show your appreciation


6-13 May is Nanny Week in the UK, dedicated to the amazing childcare professionals who provide loving care for children in their own homes day after day. A good nanny is more than an employee, they become a vital part of the family, and deserve some appreciation. Obviously nothing replaces being a good, considerate employer all year round, but a little extra can go a very long way.

We asked over on our Facebook page what nannies would like their employers to do to show their appreciation this week, and top of the list was saying ‘Thank You’ – 2 simple words that make a huge difference because they mean that you have noticed what your nanny does and are grateful for it. It doesn’t cost you anything but it will mean the world to your nanny.

If you are in the mood to spend a little more time, effort or cash then coming home early unexpectedly and letting your nanny go home is a great bonus. Getting them a nice cake to have with tea or coffee during nap time, or making sure the fridge is stocked with their favourite snack is another little gesture to show them you care.

Showing your appreciation all year round will make your nanny feel valued, but if you’ve got into the habit of treating them as part of the furniture make a special effort today to show them just how much they mean to you.

How to lose your nanny in 10 days

© Tofi | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

 

1. Don’t sort the paperwork

Ideally you should have a contract in place before your nanny starts, but if you don’t then make signing one a top priority. Aside from being a legal obligation on your part, it’s a good idea to have the arrangement clarified in writing. You’ll also need her bank details and her National Insurance number, as well as her P45 from her previous job, to pay her correctly.

 

2. Don’t say thank you

It’s nice to say thank you to your nanny at the end of every day, but it’s absolutely vital if she goes out of her way to do something, whether you’ve asked her to or not. You might be paying her but a little gratitude goes a long way.

 

3. Go back on your word

The relationship between a nanny and employer is based on mutual trust and respect. You trust her to care for your children and she trusts you to keep your end of the bargain. If you agree to something, be it going to a specific playgroup or that she can leave half an hour early one day, don’t suddenly turn around and say you’ve changed your mind and it’s no longer possible.

 

4. Tell her she can’t sit on your chair

It’s understandable that even though you’ve let someone into your home you’ll still want to keep a bit of privacy, but do remember that it’s your nanny’s place of work where she will spend a great deal of time, and it’s vital that she feel comfortable. Dictating where she can and can’t sit is petty, and slights like that won’t make for an easy working relationship.

 

5. Be late without notice

Emergencies happen, that’s one of the reason why a nanny is such a great form of childcare, but it absolutely doesn’t excuse lateness with no warning. If your nanny finishes at 6, you haven’t left the office at 5.30 and you know it takes you 45 minutes to get home, you’re already late. Take a moment out of whatever you’re dealing with to call your nanny and apologise. Remember she may have plans for the evening too so she may not be thrilled with the news.

 

6. Don’t top up the kitty or reimburse her for expenses

If you ask your nanny to pick up essentials, such as nappies or bread, or expect her to take your children to activities then it’s expected that you pay for it. It’s courteous to provide a kitty for your nanny so she doesn’t have to fund day to day expenditure out of her own pocket, but if this is the arrangement you have make sure you pay her back promptly.

 

7. Leave a critical note, but don’t suggest improvements

Nannies don’t have mind-reading superpowers (for people over the age of 3, that is) so any time you need to tell your nanny you’d rather she did something a different way, tell her how you’d like it done. Also make sure you give any constructive criticism face to face – it can be really demoralising when someone is nice to your face and then an hour later you discover they weren’t happy at all.

 

8. Ask her to clean your bathroom

Most nannies will happily take care of nursery duties – that is chores related directly to the children such as cleaning up after meals, doing their laundry and hovering their bedrooms and playroom. Although some nannies will be happy to take on additional housekeeping duties, cleaning your bathroom is a step too far. Remember the top priority for a nanny is always the children.

 

9. Take a day off to follow her around

You probably don’t work too well with your boss breathing down your neck and your nanny is no exception. It’s difficult to interact naturally with children, sing, dance and be silly, if you know someone else is judging your every move. Added to that, children always behave differently when their parents are around, so any judgements you make are likely to be based on unsound evidence.

 

10. Don’t pay her

As much as your nanny probably loves her job, as a professional she does expect to be paid. Non-payment is a breach of contract, and your nanny would be perfectly justified in leaving immediately.

Continued life and Thymes

Kuvona | www.dreamstime.com
Like many other families who employ a nanny, we use a nanny/parent diary to communicate with each other and write down important messages. This is recommended by practically every book, website, parent at playgroup and nanny at interview. Of course it takes a bit of trial and error to get right….

When we started I obsessively wrote down everything, and I mean everything – nappies, precise waking times, feed timings to the last millisecond. Ellie, to be fair, played along and I have an excruciatingly thorough account of the first six weeks. Sin #1, overinformation.

Then I got lazy and days went by (possibly up to s week) when I didn’t even read the thing let alone write something down. When I did it was a quick note, mostly critical, and this is where we came to our first cropper. Sin #2, underuse.

One Sunday, slightly exasperated that Ol seemed to have no clothes, I flipped to Monday and scrawled “please make sure you do a wash on Friday so we have enough clothes for the weekend”. Monday evening I came home and, remembering that I’d left something in the diary, checked to see the reply.

“Wash was done Thursday. Please see April 9 re: sorted clothes and April 11 re: suggested purchases.”

Oh.

Now had I actually talked rather than relying on just writing I might have discovered that Ellie, in a bout of efficiency had sorted through Ol’s clothes and he only had about 5 outfits which fitted (hence the follow up note on the Friday), and of course because it was in the diary it was assumed that the message had been read and understood. Wrong. To compound this, instead of politely asking Ellie to do the laundry (whereupon I would have discovered that she actually did), I wrote a snippy note in a fit of pique. Sin #3, relying on the diary and sin #4, writing something in a way you’d never say it.

Things jogged along nicely for a while, but then I committed sin #5 (diarising something before it was confirmed). I put something in the diary 3 weeks in advance, because I knew we’d need a babysit, and this happened over a weekend so I didn’t want to text to ask there and then. I had it in the back of my mind to bring it up very quickly Monday, just to say there was something in the diary, but, fairly predictably, I forgot. Luckily I have a very understanding and organised nanny who looks through the month ahead every Monday (which is the only reason Granny got a handcrafted birthday card this year) and who called to ask whether we wanted her to babysit

Far be it from me to tender advice…. but I’ll go you 2 bits anyway.

Use your diary judiciously – not too much, but not so little that you never look at it and miss important info

AND

Never use your diary as a substitute for talking, even if its just to say “did you see the diary?”

Pizza Thyme

© Kuvona | Dreamstime.com

As we all know small children have an unfortunate habit of repeating snippets of conversation they’ve overhead at inconvenient times. They parrot back words and phrases that they’ve overheard, frequently without you even knowing that they’ve overheard and sometimes that you didn’t particularly want them to hear.

We instituted a no swearing in front of the child rule after Ol’s thirty-second word was ‘oh c**p’, used in context I hasten to add, and needless to say it doesn’t figure on the list of ‘My First Fifty Words’ that every paranoid first-time mother fills in. Other than that, though, we’ve got off fairly lightly so far. Or at least I thought we had.

Every now and again Ellie will recount something with an unholy amount of glee. I’ve learnt to be wary of a conversation at the end of the day which starts with a meaningful ‘so…’.

‘So…you know you keep a box of tampax at toddler height in the downstairs loo?’

‘So…your son overfilled his nappy today and had an impromptu bath just before lunch.’

‘So…he’s really mastered the whole spoon as a catapult thing now.’

I have a rule that if I can get in the door, put my bag down, hang my coat up and get the kettle on without hearing ‘so…..’, I’m safe.

The other night I came in as usual. Bag down, check. Toddler anchored to the ankle, check. Coat away, check. Toddler into the arms, smothered with kisses, and released. Check. Kettle on, check. Relax.

Ellie shoots me a mischevious glance.

“Ol, poppet, what did you want for dinner?” she cooed sweetly.

“A PIZZA!” Ol announced proudly. I spin my head round so fast my neck practically breaks.

“Shall Ellie make you pizza?” she asked.

“No, telephone a pizza,” he said seriously, toddling off into the hall. I covered my face with my hands.

“We don’t have takeaway pizza that often,” I begin. Ellie shoots me a look which immediately conveys that she knows I’m lying and it doesn’t really matter whether we have pizza every night she doesn’t leave something for us.

Ol reappears with the cordless phone and presses some buttons. Thankfully the keypad on this actually locks, something a childless person wouldn’t have known or thought about when buying said phone but pretty useful when you discover that it does.

“Yes, hello. A pizza?” Ol cocked his head to one side. “Okay. A pepperoni and a veggie supreme……Half hour great okaybye. Bedtime Ollypop”.

Ellie falls about laughing. I feel a giggle rising up inside me too. It’s cute, admittedly but three embarrassing things.

One that our son is practically able to order our pizza for us.

Two we obviously have pizza so often they know our voices and address without even asking.

Three we order it so frequently just before putting him to bed that he tags ‘bedtime Ollypop’ onto the order.

Oh the shame….Maybe we’ll have Chinese tomorrow.