New Years Resolutions: A Fresh Start for the Whole Family

The New Year gives us all the opportunity to start afresh. We can leave behind the previous year, and look forward to the one approaching with a clean slate.

Many people make New Years resolutions – but how can these relate to our children and our families in general?

For children, making New Years resolutions can be very beneficial. It is well known that there is little more satisfying in life than setting – and reaching – attainable goals. Children’s New Years resolutions could include learning a martial art, joining a dance troupe or an art class, or even learning to play a musical instrument.

However, it is important not to make children feel under pressure. The modern life of a child is already a fairly stressful one – the last thing children need is to feel as though they must meet their goals perfectly. Rather than rigid goals (like “I will always share with my siblings” or “I will always do my homework on time”), see New Years resolutions as an opportunity for your children to explore exciting new opportunities.

The New Year is also a great time to focus on making positive changes within your family unit. This year, alongside your usual resolutions, why not make some group resolutions as a family? Following are some simple suggestions.

Spend more time together

With today’s busy lifestyle, it is hard to find time to spend together as a family. Quality time is so important – not just for the children, but for the entire family unit. Forget about trying to find the time, because it won’t happen – you have to make time. It can seem impossible sometimes when you’re contending with long working hours, school and other commitments, but it’s important to carve out regular time to spend together. A few hours of dedicated, quality time each week is a must for happy families.

Less screens, more conversation

We live in an age where communicating has never been easier. Email, texting, social networking and phone calls have all but replaced good old face-to-face conversation. Your older children may spend the majority of their time talking to their friends over electronic devices, rather than having real-life chats. Set an example as a family and agree together to make more effort to really talk to one another, and to your own friends and relatives. The art of conversation is at risk of being lost within our digital age – keep it alive in your family.

Be present with one another

The aforementioned technological advances can also have an impact on our time spent together as a family, without even realising it. You may be in the same room as your family, but while you are, how many of you are tapping away at your phones? How many of you are watching a television? When you manage to snatch some valuable quality time with your nearest and dearest, put the screens away and be present in the moment with each other. You don’t want your children’s memories of you to be a face buried in a smartphone.

The Countdown to Christmas – How to Make it Run Smoothly for All

The countdown to Christmas is an exciting time for all of us. Advent, traditionally beginning on the 1^st December, is also a great opportunity for learning about the meaning of Christmas, as well as different cultural takes on the season.

However, the countdown to Christmas can become stressful – children can become over-excited, parents may be anxious about family commitments and financial obligations on the lead up to the big day, and all of this may end up making the lead up to Christmas a fraught experience, rather than the happy and exciting one it should be.

So how can you make the countdown to Christmas a relaxing and enjoyable one – as well as being fun for the kids? This list should be useful for nannies, childminders, babysitters and parents alike.

Shop in advance

Try to do the majority of your Christmas shopping in the months before December. This will leave you far more time to spend enjoying the lead up to the big day, rather than panicking about present buying. Although be sure to stash gifts where curious small people won’t find them! You can also encourage children to make gifts for one another in the lead up to Christmas.

Get creative with the kids

The countdown to Christmas is a great opportunity to get creative with the children. From making Christmas cards for friends and relatives, to using all manner of mediums to create beautiful Christmas decorations to treasure forever, there will never be a better time to indulge your crafty side with the little ones. You don’t need much to make lovely decorations – simple salt dough shapes decorated with cheap acrylic paints and glitter make a lovely addition to the Christmas tree. Christmas baking can also be a wonderful way to spend an hour on a rainy December afternoon – and home made biscuits, mince pies and sweets make great Christmas gifts!

Cook in advance

There are several parts of Christmas dinner that you can pre-prepare a few days in advance in order to make Christmas Day easier – and, of course, to give you more time playing with the children and less time chained to the stove! Stuffing can be pre-prepared and frozen, and you can even pre-peel and chop your potatoes the night before – just make sure you put them in a lidded pan or bucket and cover them in cold water.

Take advantage of local Christmas events

Your town will likely have a whole host of exciting things happening on the lead up to Christmas. Carol services, craft sessions, Christmas fetes and fayres can all be a great opportunity to get the children out of the house to burn off some of that excited energy! Charity tabletop sales are also very common at Christmas time, and give children a chance to choose gifts for their families without too much (if any) adult input.

Homework: For and Against

A couple of weeks ago during an interview on BBC Radio 5 Live with his wife Ruth Lansford, the broadcaster Eamonn Holmes said that he absolutely “hated” homework. Ruth didn’t offer her opinion, but you sensed she didn’t think homework was such a bad thing. The radio presenter laughed along with Eamonn’s rant and pointed out to him that supplementary work at home was thought to be a good thing for children, but his words fell on deaf ears. Eamonn argued that homework put even more pressure on parents. They arrived home from a busy day only to have to sit down and help their kids with homework that more often than not, they were unable to do themselves. Here, his wife Ruth agreed, she was useless at maths and Eamonn couldn’t get his head around geography! Homework, said Eamonn, “should be banned”.

The benefits
So where do you stand on the homework debate? It is said that supplementing school work reinforces what has been learnt during the school day. And how well children perform at homework does, to a large extent, depend on parental support. In households where parents are disinterested in homework or school in general, children are less likely to complete the tasks expected of them or to score very highly. Parental backing is crucial then if the lessons taught at school are to be drilled home at home.

Parents have pressure enough
These days, with more and more parents working, it does become difficult to set aside time for homework. It can feel like an additional chore, to echo Mr Holmes’ remarks. Anne-Marie, mother to Zara, 9 and Rory, 7, says that “It takes me all I can do to get a meal on the table when I get in from work, never mind finding the time to get homework done”. Often children have to be cajoled into doing the work having already spent the day at school. She adds: “We find it another stress: arguing with the kids that it has to be done and arguing with each other [her partner] about whose turn it is to do it”. Her sentiments will resonate with parents in a similar situation. Although you encourage your child to do well at school, homework becomes more work for you at home.

Time out
Others argue that children spend enough time at school; after school is for playing sports or participating in other activities or simply just hanging out with their friends. One parent we spoke to felt that children at least ought to be given a break from homework at weekends. Of course, older children with exams on the horizon will need to do homework to supplement school projects and for revision purposes. But perhaps children of primary school age should be allowed free time once school is out.

For and Against
From a purely academic point of view, it is said that giving primary school children homework can help develop good study habits and foster positive attitudes to schoolwork. It may also improve their academic achievement. The difference in test scores and grades between students who do more homework and those who do less increases as students move up in years. However, as one of the parents we surveyed said “They [children] will know all about the world of work in adulthood. Homework just prolongs the school day”. In conclusion then, if school days are to be the happiest of their lives maybe it’s not wise to pile on the homework!

Pink Princesses and Mucky Boys

Which one are you?
Perhaps you’re one of those parents (is it mostly mums?) who encourage their little girl to dress up as a princess or a fairy; nowadays it’s not unusual to see girls wearing these kinds of costumes, particularly at Birthday parties and other celebrations. Or perhaps you’re a parent who has decided to take a stand of sorts. You’re determined to see to it that your little girl isn’t given a princess dress and you encourage her to muck about and play with trucks as well as dolls; you say you don’t want her becoming too much of a “girlie” girl. This approach to bringing up girls might not influence their behaviour as much as you think. Recent research indicates that traditional stereotypes of what it is to be a girl or a boy are deeply ingrained in our culture.

This article takes a closer look at this study, undertaken in Ireland, and concludes by suggesting how parents and childcarers can help children pursue interests they enjoy regardless of whether they are considered “girls” or “boys” activities. First, let’s look at the lengths a Canadian couple has gone to in order to ensure that their new baby is “free” to behave as s/he wishes, unconstrained by society’s expectations of how s/he ought to be.

A “gender-free” baby
In May this year, a couple from Canada decided not to reveal their newborn’s gender to anyone, including the grandparents. They said they wished for their child, Storm, to choose who and what s/he wanted to be. Their decision, they said, was “a tribute to freedom and choice in place of limitation, a stand up to what the world could become in Storm’s lifetime (a more progressive place?).” A step too far? Many of us probably think so. However, while it does seem far-fetched that a baby could be influenced by gender stereotypes, a recent Irish study indicates that girls and boys have well-established ideas about what is suitable behaviour for their sex and that this starts well before the age of nine “probably in the cradle”.

Gender identity
Traditional stereotypes of boys playing football and girls wearing princess dresses are as pervasive as ever, according to research into Ireland’s nine-year old population. In general, the boys who were interviewed explained how other boys “played football and rugby” while girls “did ballet”. Only boys said they wanted to be chefs and footballers, and only girls wanted to be hairdressers and nurses. Even though the research was carried out in Ireland, we can assume that children in the UK have similar attitudes, given that our cultures are so alike.

And while the study’s authors acknowledge that biology plays a part in influencing girls and boys activities, with boys being physically stronger than girls, “biology does not explain a disposition to like pink and to be able to manage a Hoover [a vacuum cleaner]. It doesn’t explain why boys see school as more for girls and why all boys seem to feel obliged to be fanatical about football.”

Social and cultural influences
Influences such as fashion and television as well as attitudes of their parents/elders are no doubt responsible for children’s concepts of gender. The way in which women and men are portrayed by our consumer culture makes it difficult for parents – and by implication, their children – to avoid stereotyping. When babies are first born they are met by a parade of pink or a barrage of blue. And it continues thus. While we may consider ourselves liberated from antiquated notions of what a woman or a man “is” or “does”, traditional stereotypes still hold sway as the Irish study highlights.

Does it matter?
What are the implications for our children now and in the future? When one considers that figures for the UK as well as Ireland show that girls’ participation rates in sport falls well short of boys’ and that girls outperform boys in education then findings such as these give cause for some concern.

How can we help?
While it is not possible for us as parents and childcarers to change the one-dimensional versions of female and male proffered by our consumer culture, we can do our best not to impose limits on children as to what they can or cannot do. This involves giving your girls the option of playing with toys or participating in activities that are usually associated with boys and vice versa. As the co-director of the Irish study, Prof. Sheila Greene puts it, “When stereotypes are given full rein, children’s choices and their freedom to be the person they want to be can be curtailed.” We may not go so far as to hide the gender of our children, but we can help our children explore every aspect of themselves regardless of gender.

Learning to Say “No”

Four years ago, UNICEF caused a stir with a report that ranked British children as the unhappiest in the industrialised world. Now it has compared the experience of children in the UK with that of their counterparts in Sweden and Spain – countries that came in the top five – in an attempt to discover why. Again, the UK is found wanting. The research suggests that parents lose out on spending time together as a family, due in part to long working hours, and often try to make amends by buying their children designer goods and toys.

“Brand bullying” pressurises parents
“Parents in the UK almost seemed to be locked into a system of consumption which they knew was pointless but they found hard to resist,” said Agnes Nairn, the report’s author.”While children would prefer time with their parents to heaps of consumer goods, parents seem to find themselves under tremendous pressure to purchase a surfeit of material goods for their children,” she added.

Family interaction and outdoor play
Interestingly, children told researchers that their happiness was dependent upon spending time with family and friends and having “plenty to do outdoors”. The report also criticized British parents for using television “as a babysitter” and for allowing children to play computer games for long periods, depriving them of fresh air.

Looking to Spain and Sweden
Of course, there are dangers in over-interpreting international quality-of-life tables, as there are with interpretations of league tables of all kinds. Countries and cultures differ, and what works in one place, may not work in another. And it is a fact that our economy is dependent upon us purchasing material goods. All the same, it is worth considering the study’s findings and what it says about our attitudes to bringing up children. The study found that in Spain and Sweden, family time is prioritised and people feel less pressure to own material goods. Their example might give food for thought to British families.

How to?
So how do we squeeze in time with our children and not give them as much “stuff”? Sure, the government and employers need to do their bit to help parents better balance work and family life through more flexible and generous parental leave and flexible working. But what can we do in an effort to stop our children becoming increasingly materialistic? We need to learn to say “no” more to demands for new gadgets and/or games. This will entail spending more time with our children, rather than giving a toy to keep tears or a tantrum at bay. Or explaining to them that they can’t always have everything they want even if it is the latest item/fashion accessory that “all” their friends have. Its harder work and more difficult for us to learn when most of us have the means to pay for it. We’re not saying it’s easy!

Learning how
Think about the benefits of your child not always getting what they want. Hearing “no” now and again teaches children to be motivated, appreciative, happy human beings. To many, MORE is always better. However, if this is true then there will never be enough – because someone will always have more than you do. Constantly giving in to your child’s demands robs them of the opportunity to develop motivation and drive in their own lives. Instead they grow up over-valuing things – but lack the drive to work for those things – yet feel entitled to them and even expect things should come easily.

There is a wealth of information available on this topic in parenting books and on the internet so we’re not going to expand on it here. It seems sometimes that parents are forever being blamed for not doing enough for their children, but rather than reacting negatively to the UNICEF study or simply ignoring it, it may be helpful for couples to consider whether they might spend a little more time with their children rather than giving them things. And spending time outdoors is good for adults as well as kids. So let them run around a bit in the fresh air and you get out too. Take it easy!