Four years ago, UNICEF caused a stir with a report that ranked British children as the unhappiest in the industrialised world. Now it has compared the experience of children in the UK with that of their counterparts in Sweden and Spain – countries that came in the top five – in an attempt to discover why. Again, the UK is found wanting. The research suggests that parents lose out on spending time together as a family, due in part to long working hours, and often try to make amends by buying their children designer goods and toys.
“Brand bullying” pressurises parents
“Parents in the UK almost seemed to be locked into a system of consumption which they knew was pointless but they found hard to resist,” said Agnes Nairn, the report’s author.”While children would prefer time with their parents to heaps of consumer goods, parents seem to find themselves under tremendous pressure to purchase a surfeit of material goods for their children,” she added.
Family interaction and outdoor play
Interestingly, children told researchers that their happiness was dependent upon spending time with family and friends and having “plenty to do outdoors”. The report also criticized British parents for using television “as a babysitter” and for allowing children to play computer games for long periods, depriving them of fresh air.
Looking to Spain and Sweden
Of course, there are dangers in over-interpreting international quality-of-life tables, as there are with interpretations of league tables of all kinds. Countries and cultures differ, and what works in one place, may not work in another. And it is a fact that our economy is dependent upon us purchasing material goods. All the same, it is worth considering the study’s findings and what it says about our attitudes to bringing up children. The study found that in Spain and Sweden, family time is prioritised and people feel less pressure to own material goods. Their example might give food for thought to British families.
How to?
So how do we squeeze in time with our children and not give them as much “stuff”? Sure, the government and employers need to do their bit to help parents better balance work and family life through more flexible and generous parental leave and flexible working. But what can we do in an effort to stop our children becoming increasingly materialistic? We need to learn to say “no” more to demands for new gadgets and/or games. This will entail spending more time with our children, rather than giving a toy to keep tears or a tantrum at bay. Or explaining to them that they can’t always have everything they want even if it is the latest item/fashion accessory that “all” their friends have. Its harder work and more difficult for us to learn when most of us have the means to pay for it. We’re not saying it’s easy!
Learning how
Think about the benefits of your child not always getting what they want. Hearing “no” now and again teaches children to be motivated, appreciative, happy human beings. To many, MORE is always better. However, if this is true then there will never be enough – because someone will always have more than you do. Constantly giving in to your child’s demands robs them of the opportunity to develop motivation and drive in their own lives. Instead they grow up over-valuing things – but lack the drive to work for those things – yet feel entitled to them and even expect things should come easily.
There is a wealth of information available on this topic in parenting books and on the internet so we’re not going to expand on it here. It seems sometimes that parents are forever being blamed for not doing enough for their children, but rather than reacting negatively to the UNICEF study or simply ignoring it, it may be helpful for couples to consider whether they might spend a little more time with their children rather than giving them things. And spending time outdoors is good for adults as well as kids. So let them run around a bit in the fresh air and you get out too. Take it easy!