Mums at Work
We hear a lot in the media these days about put upon working mums and the pressures they face, even in 2011, trying to combine a career with raising a family. Allison Pearson’s 2002 novel “I Don’t Know How She Does It” about a harassed working mother has now been made into a film starring Sarah Jessica Parker. A decade on, Pearson’s portrayal of a professional woman multi-tasking and tying to juggle family life with a career is still relevant. Let’s examine some of the issues facing working mothers in particular and see what needs to change.
“Having it all”
We’ve written before about the American study that deems “having it all” impossible. Its findings show that the so-called “supermoms” who try to be fantastic at work and at home put themselves under too much pressure and are more likely to succumb to depression. By comparison, those working mums who are more “realistic” and recognise that they cannot do it all fare much better.
In the opening scene of “I Don’t Know How She Does It” the protagonist, Kate Reddy, is in the kitchen furiously bashing shop-bought mince pies in an attempt to make them look homemade. It’s a very funny scene but it also pinpoints the societal pressure on women to work both the domestic and the professional. Hopefully, ten years on, most women have learned to accept that they can’t do it all. Outsourcing the household chores as much as is financially possible as well as educating one’s partner to see childcare as a shared responsibility goes some way towards helping ease the burden. Allowing a certain amount to slide is also an option! We can neither have it all nor do it all.
Staying put
In the trailer for “I Don’t Know How She Does It”, SJP’s character manically makes lists, rushing from the office to home while a neighbour tells her she and her kids “just fooled about in the park today”. When the pressures of juggling work with running a household and looking after the family seem overwhelming, it’s tempting to think that staying at home would be a doddle by comparison. But research shows again and again that work is good for women. Jamie Oliver, quoted in The Sunday Times Magazine at the weekend says that as he sees it, the women “that are most happy are the two- to three-dayers. I see both models of mum [those that work and those that stay at home] and definitely the ones that remain engaged, vivacious, humorous, have got the mechanism of work in their lives”. So according to Jamie, and others, there is a middle way.
Making it work
The fact is most women nowadays want to go out to work as well as have a family. Many have to in order to pay the bills. Excellent childcare is a must and NannyJob can help you in your quest to find the right nanny. If you wish to share a nanny and cut down on your childcare costs then that’s also an option.
And while it’s true that a good nanny will definitely lighten the working mum’s load, other things come into play too. A recent discussion on Radio 4’s “Women’s Hour” suggested that men were at the heart of any change in working practices amongst women. Having your partner share in household duties as well as getting them to share pick-ups and drop-offs will help. In the debate about rising childcare costs, we most often hear about women quitting their jobs because their take home pay after childcare means “it’s just not worth it”. Surely the childcare costs should be deducted from the parents’ joint income? Childcare needs to become the domain of men as well as women. And of course it’s not going to be perfect. Your partner may not do things exactly as you do; however, once again, being realistic is most important. With your partner’s cooperation, life is made somewhat easier for you.
Work life balance
Women need to remember too to slot in some “me time” in their busy lives. Merely getting out and going for a walk with a friend is good for your health and wellbeing. Prioritise this. The old adage “what’s good for mother is good for baby [or child]” is true.
So working women are under pressure – as are working men, we’ll leave that article for another day. What’s new you say? Accepting our limits and learning to compromise and assert ourselves will bring us some way towards harmony at home and at work.