Our thoughts are with the people of Paris, particularly the families, nannies and agencies we work with in the city. Stay safe.
How to stop your nanny having an affair with your partner (or you)
Poor Gwen Stefani, betrayed by one of the people she should be most able to trust. Her nanny’s behaviour was by any standard unacceptable, and parents and nannies alike aren’t backward about coming forward to say so.
Let’s start by saying that this post has nothing to do with nannies for the most part. It’s got nothing to do with whether your nanny is tall, short, slim, plump, dark, fair, male, female, young or more mature. Very few parents set out to have an affair with their nanny. Preventing affairs has everything to do with relationships. To stop one kind of relationship (a romantic one) you need to keep an eye on three.
Continue reading “How to stop your nanny having an affair with your partner (or you)”
3 ways to better manage behaviour
Observe
Obviously we’re always watching children but simply watching is very different to keenly observing with an objective in mind. If you’re notice a pattern of negative behaviour make a special effort to observe and find the triggers. Sometimes the incidents seem random but there may be a bigger pattern behind it – common causes are unexpected tiredness, over-stimulation, teeth coming through. Sometimes it’s linked to something that we’re doing, albeit unintentionally. A child who doesn’t know what is expected of them will lash out when confused. This is particularly noticeable when children are growing in independence and learning new skills, but at the same time the mistakes they make are behaviours we don’t want to encourage. It’s difficult to learn to drink from an open cup without spilling once or twice.
Spotlight on: pay reviews and raises
September is a common start date for nannies, which means that many are coming up to their nanny-versary around now. We’ve already talked about job reviews in the newsletter but let’s tackle the thorny issue of pay. In this economic climate a raise should never be a given but many nannies do expect a pay rise year on year. A yearly review is a chance to look at a nanny’s role and see whether she has taken on more responsibility and how that can be compensated for. Even a small raise to cover the increased cost of living is appreciated but when a raise really is impossible a nanny still needs to know their hard work is appreciated so think about suggesting an extra day of holiday, a bonus or some other kind of gesture of recognition.
Spotlight on: providing food for nannies
Unlike most jobs, where you take your lunch or go out to grab a sandwich, nannies expect to eat their meals with their charges. This means as an employer you probably need to factor in the cost of providing at least lunch, and possibly breakfast and dinner for your nanny along with tea or coffee and snacks. While the law doesn’t require this it is customary and nannies will eat what the children eat, or if you have a baby then she is likely to eat a slightly more grown up (seasoned and unpureed) version of what she makes her little charge.
Although it might seem a daunting expense there are many benefits to nannies sharing meals with the children. It encourages good table manners, children are motivated to try new foods and it’s a time to share conversation.
Spotlight on: interview no-nos
If you’re in the nanny interviewing nannies process as well as the questions you need to ask you should also familiarize yourself with the questions that you can’t ask. Nannies are also protected from discrimination by Equal Opportunities legislation and a good general rule of thumb is that if you wouldn’t expect to be asked about it at interview then you shouldn’t be asking your nanny either. Age, race, gender, sexual orientation and disability are all areas where you need to tread very carefully.
Common pitfalls are asking whether your nanny is married, whether they have or are planning to have children, whether they have any health problems and their nationality. To find out more check out our blog post “Questions not to ask at interview”.
Spotlight on: kitty money
Most parents leave a kitty of petty cash for nannies to use to cover daily expenses. In term time this may just be £10 a week to cover unexpected activities as the majority of activities are pre-paid and the odd pint of milk, but in the holidays this can easily spiral. It’s important to have a good kitty management system for handling the money, and clear guidelines on what it can and can’t be used for.
A nanny purse which stays at work is easy to top up when running low. Nannies can also put receipts in the purse, or keep a small notebook to track expenditure. It’s often said that if you employ a nanny to look after your children and leave her the keys to your house you should trust her with your money, and this is probably true, but it can also be helpful to have an idea of what is being spent when and where to manage the budget a bit better. If a nanny constantly complains of being short of kitty money are the guidelines clear enough?
Why you put up with your nanny’s quirks
This is a guest post from a reader who wishes to remain anonymous. Just to remind you we welcome all contributions, and look forward to a respectful discussion!
Sometimes your nanny will drive you crazy. She dumps her bag just inside the door. She teaches your children songs that get on your nerves (get on your nerves, get on your nerves). The garden has been turned into a mud-pit. She never writes enough in the nanny diary. She always uses the last of the butter. There’s only ever one baby wipe left in packet. But you wouldn’t swap, or would you?
You focus on the good and let the niggles slide, and that’s fine as long as they’re just niggles. You can stop here if using up the butter is your biggest bugbear. This article is not for you.
Why children act up for their parents
‘They never behave like this with me’. ‘The minute the mother walks in the door all hell breaks loose’. ‘The house is like a zoo when I get home’.
It’s a common complaint on both sides. Why do children act up when both nanny and parents are present? Here are 3 possible explanations:
They’re playing ‘power struggle’. Kids know that there’s a sense of hierarchy and they’re trying to navigate the complicated world of human relationships. When two people who are in charge of them are together, who is the one who has the ultimate power? The surest way for them to test this is to behave badly and see who tells them off, and whether the other person can over-rule any consequences.
OFSTED inspections for nannies
Towards the end of the year a lot of nannies get calls from OFSTED informing them that it’s time for an inspection. Around 10% of nannies on the voluntary register are inspected every year, and most pass with flying colours, however it can be a nerve-wracking experience particularly if you’ve worked in a nursery.
Purpose: Unlike school and early years settings (nurseries, childminders, etc), OFSTED inspections for nannies are not to judge your skills as a childcarer or evaluate the way you implement the EYFS. It is purely to see whether you meet the requirements of the register as they apply to you. Your inspector should send you a document which lays out the requirements for both parts of the childcare register. You are only concerned with ‘both’ or ‘voluntary’ AND where it mentions ‘home childcarer’ (which is what OFSTED call nannies).