Tag: behaviour management

Ways to Help Your Child Control Their Anger

Introduction

Anger is a natural emotion, and everyone experiences it, including children. However, learning how to manage and express anger in a healthy way is a crucial skill that can benefit children throughout their lives. As parents, nannies, and childcarers, it’s important to teach children effective strategies for controlling their anger. By helping children understand and manage their emotions, we can foster emotional intelligence and resilience. Here are some practical ways to help your child control their anger.

1. Teach Them to Recognise Their Emotions

The first step in managing anger is recognising it. Help your child identify the physical and emotional signs of anger, such as a racing heart, clenched fists, or feelings of frustration. Encourage them to name their emotions, whether it’s anger, sadness, or disappointment. This awareness is the foundation of emotional regulation.

2. Model Calm Behaviour

Children learn by observing the adults around them. Demonstrate calm and composed behaviour, especially in challenging situations. Show them how to handle frustration without losing control. By modeling healthy ways to deal with anger, you provide a powerful example for your child to follow.

3. Teach Deep Breathing and Relaxation Techniques

Deep breathing is a simple yet effective way to calm down. Teach your child to take slow, deep breaths when they feel angry. You can also introduce other relaxation techniques, such as counting to ten, visualizing a peaceful place, or using a stress ball. These tools can help them regain control over their emotions.

4. Encourage Physical Activity

Physical activity is a great way to release pent-up energy and frustration. Encourage your child to engage in activities they enjoy, such as running, dancing, or playing sports. Physical exercise can help reduce stress and improve mood, making it easier for children to manage their anger.

5. Create a Calm Down Space

Designate a quiet space where your child can go to calm down when they feel overwhelmed. This could be a cosy corner with pillows, books, and calming toys. Encourage them to use this space when they need a break. It’s important to make this a positive and safe space, not a place for punishment.

6. Teach Problem-Solving Skills

Help your child develop problem-solving skills to address the source of their anger. Encourage them to think about solutions or alternative ways to handle situations. Discussing different scenarios and practicing responses can empower them to manage their emotions constructively.

7. Use Positive Reinforcement

Acknowledge and praise your child when they handle their anger well. Positive reinforcement can motivate them to continue using healthy coping strategies. Celebrate their efforts and progress, no matter how small.

8. Set Clear Boundaries and Expectations

Establish clear rules and consequences for aggressive behavior. Consistency is key in helping children understand what is acceptable and what is not. Make sure they know that while it’s okay to feel angry, it’s not okay to hurt others or break things.

Conclusion

Helping your child learn to control their anger is an ongoing process that requires patience and consistency. By teaching them to recognise their emotions, providing coping strategies, and setting clear boundaries, you can support their emotional development and well-being. Remember, the goal is not to suppress anger but to express it in a healthy and constructive way.

Keeping your cool

Some days can just be frustrating. Your alarm doesn’t go off, you forgot to fill up the car, there’s no milk when you get to work, the children won’t nap and bicker endlessly, you finish later than planned…..As child carers we don’t have the luxury of a 5 minute break to cool off with a cuppa, we can’t lock ourselves in the loo for a quick cry and we work with people who, by definition, are unreasonable. So how do you keep your cool when everything seems to be falling around you? We asked some of our Nannies for their top tips

Some days can just be frustrating. Your alarm doesn’t go off, you forgot to fill up the car, there’s no milk when you get to work, the children won’t nap and bicker endlessly, you finish later than planned…..As child carers we don’t have the luxury of a 5 minute break to cool off with a cuppa, we can’t lock ourselves in the loo for a quick cry and we work with people who, by definition, are unreasonable. So how do you keep your cool when everything seems to be falling around you? We asked some of our Nannies for their top tips.

Sammie, Nanny, 27

I recently took up yoga and meditation. Now when I’m getting a bit stressed, I trying to do some focused breathing, or sit in a relaxing pose. The little girl I look after tries to copy me and I think it calms her down too so it’s good for when we’re both stressed out.

Emma, Childminder, 32

Whenever I feel myself getting hot and bothered, I throw my plans for the next half an hour out the window and start an activity I enjoy doing. Playdough is therapeutic for me! Then my mindees come and join in and it reminds me why I love working with children.

Hannah, Nanny, 23

The best way to get rid of stress is to smile, make funny faces and funny noises. No-one can stay cross for long. You must laugh instead.

Nina, Nanny, 35

We always put on some music and have a bit of a boogie. Sometimes I need to stomp around a bit, so I pretend it’s dancing, sometimes I just need something to lift my spirits. If all else fails, there’s always Gloria Gaynor.

Eve, Childminder, 38

If I’m cross, I talk about it with the children. I think children are very sensitive and can pick up on your mood easily so it’s important to identify it for them and say what’s happened to make you feel that way. Children can have good suggestions for making you feel better too.

Jess, Nanny, 29

Counting to 10 always works for me. Plus, it’s educational. You just keep counting until you’ve cooled off.

Patricia, Nanny, 54

I’ve learned that you must talk about what made you upset in the first place, so you don’t end up in one of ‘those’ moods with it being one of ‘those’ days. If you feel your boss has been inconsiderate, write it down and chat about it in the evening. If your charges are pushing the boundaries talk to them and to their parents. Talking means you’re not trying to cope on your own and you’re taking steps to resolve the problem.

Lucia, Childminder, 32

Learn to let go. It’s not worth working yourself up because you end up getting unhappier as the day goes on. Holding onto what went wrong only makes more things feel like they’re going wrong. Let it go as soon as it happens.

 

Debbie, Nanny, 41

Don’t take responsibility for children’s behaviour and emotions. They’re their own person and although they need to learn to control how they feel don’t feel like you’re failing and stress yourself out because they aren’t behaving properly. Your own feelings and actions are the only thing you’re responsible for. Let them be angry if they need to.

3 ways to better manage behaviour

Observe

Obviously we’re always watching children but simply watching is very different to keenly observing with an objective in mind. If you’re notice a pattern of negative behaviour make a special effort to observe and find the triggers. Sometimes the incidents seem random but there may be a bigger pattern behind it – common causes are unexpected tiredness, over-stimulation, teeth coming through. Sometimes it’s linked to something that we’re doing, albeit unintentionally. A child who doesn’t know what is expected of them will lash out when confused. This is particularly noticeable when children are growing in independence and learning new skills, but at the same time the mistakes they make are behaviours we don’t want to encourage. It’s difficult to learn to drink from an open cup without spilling once or twice.

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Why children act up for their parents

‘They never behave like this with me’. ‘The minute the mother walks in the door all hell breaks loose’. ‘The house is like a zoo when I get home’.

It’s a common complaint on both sides. Why do children act up when both nanny and parents are present? Here are 3 possible explanations:

They’re playing ‘power struggle’. Kids know that there’s a sense of hierarchy and they’re trying to navigate the complicated world of human relationships. When two people who are in charge of them are together, who is the one who has the ultimate power? The surest way for them to test this is to behave badly and see who tells them off, and whether the other person can over-rule any consequences.

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