communication – Page 2 – Nannyjob blog

When nanny gets married

One of our lovely nannies recently got married and she has kindly passed on some hints and tips to any nannies or employers in a similar situation.

Right from the start my employers were thrilled for me and very supportive. They bought me a lovely congratulations card and invited my fiancé over one evening for champagne. In case that sounds strange they’ve known him as long as I’ve been working for them and they’re happy for him to come over in the evening if I’m babysitting because he’s my lift home. My nanny family really do feel like another part of my family so them being happy for me was a big deal.

I waited to check with them before setting the date. We wanted to get married in June 2022 which was 15 months away at the time of our engagement and we wanted to go on a 2-week honeymoon. I also wanted a couple of days before the wedding which meant 2 and a half weeks off in term time – not the most convenient thing for my bosses. I offered to take it as unpaid holiday so they could afford a temp nanny, and so I could keep my holiday allowance for the year, but they said it would be my main wedding present to have it as paid leave and they would manage. I know this was a massive deal for them and it made a big difference. I think if they’d been difficult about the date, it would have made me feel like getting married was an inconvenience.

They stayed interested, particularly the girls I look after, the whole time and although I know I was probably a very enthusiastic bride they never once made me feel like I was boring them. In fact, they were understanding to the point of my dad boss listening to me weep about table plans one Monday in the run up. Obviously, I didn’t let wedding planning take over my life, and it stayed out of work hours most of the time, but employers who show an interest in the biggest thing that’s going on in your life are appreciated.

Next, I had the dilemma of whether I invited them to the wedding or not, even more complicated because the children were desperate to be attendants. I didn’t want my charges as bridesmaids, but I did want them to share part of my special day, so I invited them to the church service and the evening on the condition that they had a big nap in the afternoon. That way they missed all the embarrassing bits about me in the speeches! I also bought them special matching outfits that fitted with my colour scheme but weren’t the same as my adult bridesmaids and gave them special jobs to do like distributing the confetti after the service. I could focus on the ceremony without being a nanny to my charges (because we never really stop) and they felt part of it – win-win!

I also had a special picture of us taken on the day, and it will definitely be going in the album.

After so much excitement and a wonderful honeymoon I felt a bit deflated coming back to work, but they made a special banner to say, ‘welcome back Mrs xxxxx’ and that made me smile all day.

How to Combat the Post-School Meltdown

How many times have you picked your little one up from school, watched them wave goodbye to their teachers and friends with happy, smiling faces, only to turn to you with furrowed brows, crossed arms and a sullen temper?

If this is you, you’re not alone.

Continue reading “How to Combat the Post-School Meltdown”

The 2 week itch

When you start a job everything seems great. Your charges are great. Your bosses are great. The area is great. The new routine is great.

Then reality hits, and at the end of the second week you wonder whether you really made the right choice after all. Are these hours as convenient as they seem? Is their behaviour getting worse? Are your bosses really pleased with what you’ve been doing? Maybe they’re re-evaluating their decision, just like you’re re-evaluating yours? Maybe this job is doomed? Is it worth the money to be unhappy? Are you even really unhappy?

When you start a job everything seems great. Your charges are great. Your bosses are great. The area is great. The new routine is great.

Recognise this feeling for what it is and you’ll feel better. It’s a natural instinct to take stock once the initial excitement of a new job has worn off, especially if your previous job was a good fit and you felt very comfortable. Building up trust with a new family is a relatively slow process and things won’t feel the same for a while. It’s a good idea to persevere until the end of the probationary period so you know you’ve given it a good shot, and things will probably improve past the 2 week point anyway.

Addressing any niggles you have at this stage is vital to prevent potentially difficult situations from escalating. Hearing positive feedback will boost your self-esteem and your employers will be reassured that you’re making an effort to fit in with their needs and wants rather than powering ahead with the way you’ve always done things. It also gives your bosses a safe space to raise anything they aren’t happy about. Everyone makes mistakes and it’s almost inevitable that you’ll have done something differently to how they would do it but rather than letting it build up you should clear the air and find out what they want you to do in future, or explain why you’ve chosen to do something differently.

Isolation can be a big factor if you’ve just moved to a new area or your nanny friends have charges of a different age. Be proactive about going out and finding new friends or tapping into contacts your bosses have already made, and don’t lose touch with your old friends. Nannies need peer support just as much as anyone else and your previous nanny network can help you through a tough time even if you don’t see them as often as you used to. If you’re new to nannying then try to buddy up with an experienced nanny to mentor you through the transition.

Give yourself positive things to look forward to over the next week at work and out of work too – introduce your charges to your favourite activities or plan a fun outing and treat yourself to something midweek as a little pick-me-up. The more positive memories and feelings you have about a new job, the more relaxed and confident you’ll feel, and everyone will pick up on it.

If nothing seems to be working give yourself a timeframe where you’ll give it your best, and if you don’t feel any different make the decision to move on. There’s no shame in accepting that you and the family aren’t a good match and you’ll soon find a job that’s perfect for you.

How Nannies Can Help with Back to School

Back to school is often a nightmarish time for working parents. At a time of year where colds, illness, and head lice are rife, not to mention tantrums and an unwillingness to go back to school, it’s a time where your nanny can make the difference between a bad day and a great day.

We’ve put together our top tips for both nannies and parents to help with the back-to-school transition.

Continue reading “How Nannies Can Help with Back to School”

Gender Stereotyping – What Is It and How to Avoid It

The topic of gender stereotyping with regards to children has been gaining a lot of traction in the news and online. You’ve probably already seen at least one article, video or news feature on this topic.

But what is it?

Gender stereotyping is associating certain expectations or ideals depending upon someone’s gender. In relation to children, this could be that typically, girls should like the colour pink and should play with dolls and kitchen sets, whereas boys should like the colour blue and should be more physical in their play, making mess or playing with action figures and video games.

Continue reading “Gender Stereotyping – What Is It and How to Avoid It”

Hassle free holidays

Holidays can be a sticky topic for nannies and employers to discuss. Every employee has the right to take 5.6 weeks (28 days full time, pro rata for part time positions) holiday per year. This breaks down to 8 Bank holidays and 4 weeks of other holiday, which is how it’s been expressed for many years in nanny contracts, although with an increase in part-time positions this is no longer a good idea.

Many people plan to take their most substantial holiday between June and September to benefit from the summer weather or because they are restricted by school holidays. It’s important to agree ahead of time when holidays will be so both parties have a chance to make plans, particularly as prices during school holidays can be very high. It’s not unheard of among nannies for employers to only inform their nanny of holiday plans at the very last minute, leaving the nanny with 2 weeks holiday that they’ve made no plans for.

For nannies it’s never a good idea to book a holiday without clearing it first with your employers. Employers can refuse holiday requests, although they do have to enable you to take your holiday at some point during the year. Most contracts say the holiday is 50% the employer’s choice and 50% the nanny’s but this is a custom rather than a legal right. It may be very inconvenient for you employer to find cover for you that week so communicate your plans well in advance and try to offer a couple of different dates. Your employers should appreciate the flexibility. The best case scenario is to sit down at the beginning of the school or calendar year and work out when holidays are likely. Then as plans firm up you can confirm or change holiday plans.

A common stumbling block is when employers take more holiday that they have given their nanny in the contract. There is no legal right to have more holiday than the 5.6 weeks every employee is entitled to, however it is a customary perk (and excellent compensation for working long hours) to give a nanny additional paid time off when their employer is away. If your contract explicitly states that there is more holiday then this is a contractual right. A nanny might be asked to do some jobs around the home while their charges are away, such as sorting through toys or clothes, batch cooking for the freezer, buying and naming new school uniform or spring cleaning children’s rooms. If you do request this additional work from your nanny then leave them the autonomy to decide when it’s done. They may choose to ‘work from home’ buying and naming school uniform, or spend an evening sorting clothes or cooking instead of arriving at 8am.

Finding cover for a nanny can be a problem; If it’s impossible to take time off working and you have no family support then investigate activity camps for older children, or ask your nanny if any of their friends would be interested in a week or two of extra work. Alternatively a temporary nanny will provide the same level of cover you are used to – particularly important if you need to travel for work or work long hours. You can either use an agency or search our database to find a temporary nanny.

As always, communicating with each other about your plans is vital! If you do this then there’s no reason holidays should cause any hassle!

Image © Siart | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

When parents won’t listen (or change)

As a childcarer you may sometimes find yourself in the situation where you have repeatedly tried to communicate with the parents about an issue and been ignored, or told that the parents will do something only to find they haven’t. At this point you need to make a decision about how important the issue is, to the children and to you, and whether you can work with things are they are.

Any concerns about the children’s safety or well-being must be reported. If you feel a parent’s actions or inaction mount up to abuse or neglect then you have a duty to get in touch with your relevant local authority.

Where it’s not a safeguarding issue, but makes carrying out your job difficult for you then you need to decide what actions you can take without the overt support of the parents, assuming they are happy for you to do so. Children can be quick to notice inconsistencies so acknowledge any differences between what you say and what the parents say, however they are also capable of learning which behaviours are acceptable with which adult and as long as you are consistent with them they will learn (even if it takes a little longer!).

All this, though, can make your job extremely stressful. Finding ways to wind down at the end of the day, or even quietly blow off steam half way through, are vital for your well-being. Feeling alone and unsupported can really sap your morale so share your feelings with your loved ones or friends. Often as nannies we feel we can’t talk to anyone about what goes on in our job but it’s perfectly okay to reveal our feelings and frustrations. As a general rule talking in ‘I’ terms (I feel I…. etc) won’t give anything away and it will help you acknowledge your own emotions instead of bottling them up. Sport can be a great way to relieve frustration, and crafts that occupy your hands such as knitting or card-making can be a good way to calm down and focus on something positive and productive. Creating a time to work through your feelings and set them to rest is another good way to keep your kind clear and preventing stress in your job invading your life. Work on accepting what you can’t change and seeing the positives in the things you can.

Ultimately if you feel the parents are making it impossible for you to continue, or you are unable to destress at least at the end of a working week then it might be time for you to move on. You can change the children but you can’t change the parents, and sometimes accepting that is the hardest thing of all.

A Nanny’s Guide to Staying Healthy

Life as a nanny can be hectic and exhausting. You spend all day taking care of the family you work for, but who takes care of you?

If you want to do your job well, and more importantly, live a healthy life, it’s important that you take good care of your health and well-being to avoid getting ill or simply burning out.

Follow these 5 tips to help keep your health in tip top condition:

Continue reading “A Nanny’s Guide to Staying Healthy”

Nanny references

Writing a nanny a reference can be tough. It usually means your childcarer is moving on and whether it’s your choice or theirs it’s often an emotional time. A glowing reference will help your nanny find a wonderful new job and show them how much you appreciate the job they’ve done for you.

Writing a nanny a reference can be tough. It usually means your child carer is moving on and whether it’s your choice or theirs it’s often an emotional time. A glowing reference will help your nanny find a wonderful new job and show them how much you appreciate the job they’ve done for you.

A good reference is about a page of A4 long. It often takes the form of a letter and includes your contact details so prospective employers can contact you. It should be written in the first person and split into easily readable paragraphs, each with a theme, for example your nanny’s day to day duties, their attitude to work, any particular skills they have and times they’ve gone above and beyond. You might find it helpful to refer to previous annual performance reviews when you sit down to write.

Give plenty of detail about your nanny’s current job and how that has evolved over time. If your nanny started when your child was a baby and they’re now at school you have 4+ years of very varied duties to cover! Don’t assume that a new-to-the-nannying-world prospective employer will know what ‘usual nursery duties’ or ‘daily care’ involves. Expanding on these shows what your expectations of your nanny were on a day to day basis, and of course you should comment on how well these expectations were met.

Providing specific examples will also help a prospective employer build up a complete picture of your nanny. Perhaps your nanny helped your child overcome shyness or transformed a fussy eater? By giving details of how they accomplished that you can demonstrate their approach to the children in their care as well as showcasing a positive impact they’ve had on your family.

Think about the kind of skills or attributes you really appreciate in your nanny. If your nanny is very organised or an excellent time-keeper then mention that in their reference. If the children are always laughing when you come home in the evening or they always have something they created that day to show you then share that with prospective employers. Bear in mind when writing a reference that your nanny may not always work as a nanny, or even in childcare, so highlight two or three highly transferrable skills.

A trickier task is writing a reference for a nanny who has been less than satisfactory. In this case a brief reference confirming length of employment and duties with an invitation for prospective employers to contact you will be more than sufficient.

Expect to be contacted whether you give a positive or neutral reference. Prospective employers will want to both check the veracity of your reference and ask detailed questions of their own. Be factual and honest – if they ask whether you ever needed to use a disciplinary procedure and you did then you should answer the question fully and truthfully. If that was the cause for terminating the nanny’s employment you are allowed to share that. If it was resolved satisfactorily use it as an example of how your nanny took your feedback on board and improved their performance.

Writing a reference is one of the kindest and most lasting things you can do for an excellent nanny and it will serve them all through their career, so it’s worth taking the time to do the task fully and well.

Nanny review

Although a performance review can also be helpful at any time if there are problems with your nanny carrying out their duties they should not be neglected if everything is going well. A performance review is a chance to praise your nanny and let them know what a good job they’re doing.

It’s a good idea once a year to sit down for a more formal meeting with your nanny to review their performance, your children’s development and plan the year ahead. You may like to do this on the anniversary of them starting work with you, at the start or end of the school year or the start of the calendar year. We’ve put together some questions you might like to consider or ask your nanny to think about before the meeting so you can sit down prepared.

Many nannies expect a pay rise, or at least a pay review, at their annual review. If you don’t want to discuss finances then let them know in advance that the meeting is solely about their performance and you’ll set aside another time to discuss pay.

Schedule the review for a time when there are no children around. Children can be a distraction and it’s especially important that you are able to be honest with your nanny if either of you have concerns about the children or if you have something negative to say.

We hope you find these questions helpful in facilitating communication with your nanny about their performance and your needs!

The year just gone:

Is the nanny able to do everything on their job description? Is there anything they are doing which is not in their job description? Does the job description need to be modified?

How has your nanny coped with the workload? How do they feel they have coped?

What have been your nanny’s strong points this year? What are areas for improvement?

Have there been any problems? How were they resolved?

Are the any developmental concerns about the children?

The year ahead:

Are there any foreseeable changes to duties?

Are there any activities it would be good to introduce? How can the children’s development be stimulated?

Do any strategies for behaviour management need to be recapped or reviewed?

Are there any areas where your nanny would like to refresh or update their knowledge?

What are the goals for the year ahead? (These may be for the children, the nanny or you e.g. potty training, ensuring all laundry is up to date on a Friday night, ensuring the kitchen is tidy on a Monday morning)

Is your nanny’s salary competitive and a fair reflection of the job’s demands?