6-13 May is Nanny Week in the UK, dedicated to the amazing childcare professionals who provide loving care for children in their own homes day after day. A good nanny is more than an employee, they become a vital part of the family, and deserve some appreciation. Obviously nothing replaces being a good, considerate employer all year round, but a little extra can go a very long way.
We asked over on our Facebook page what nannies would like their employers to do to show their appreciation this week, and top of the list was saying ‘Thank You’ – 2 simple words that make a huge difference because they mean that you have noticed what your nanny does and are grateful for it. It doesn’t cost you anything but it will mean the world to your nanny.
If you are in the mood to spend a little more time, effort or cash then coming home early unexpectedly and letting your nanny go home is a great bonus. Getting them a nice cake to have with tea or coffee during nap time, or making sure the fridge is stocked with their favourite snack is another little gesture to show them you care.
Showing your appreciation all year round will make your nanny feel valued, but if you’ve got into the habit of treating them as part of the furniture make a special effort today to show them just how much they mean to you.
Ideally you should have a contract in place before your nanny starts, but if you don’t then make signing one a top priority. Aside from being a legal obligation on your part, it’s a good idea to have the arrangement clarified in writing. You’ll also need her bank details and her National Insurance number, as well as her P45 from her previous job, to pay her correctly.
2. Don’t say thank you
It’s nice to say thank you to your nanny at the end of every day, but it’s absolutely vital if she goes out of her way to do something, whether you’ve asked her to or not. You might be paying her but a little gratitude goes a long way.
3. Go back on your word
The relationship between a nanny and employer is based on mutual trust and respect. You trust her to care for your children and she trusts you to keep your end of the bargain. If you agree to something, be it going to a specific playgroup or that she can leave half an hour early one day, don’t suddenly turn around and say you’ve changed your mind and it’s no longer possible.
4. Tell her she can’t sit on your chair
It’s understandable that even though you’ve let someone into your home you’ll still want to keep a bit of privacy, but do remember that it’s your nanny’s place of work where she will spend a great deal of time, and it’s vital that she feel comfortable. Dictating where she can and can’t sit is petty, and slights like that won’t make for an easy working relationship.
5. Be late without notice
Emergencies happen, that’s one of the reason why a nanny is such a great form of childcare, but it absolutely doesn’t excuse lateness with no warning. If your nanny finishes at 6, you haven’t left the office at 5.30 and you know it takes you 45 minutes to get home, you’re already late. Take a moment out of whatever you’re dealing with to call your nanny and apologise. Remember she may have plans for the evening too so she may not be thrilled with the news.
6. Don’t top up the kitty or reimburse her for expenses
If you ask your nanny to pick up essentials, such as nappies or bread, or expect her to take your children to activities then it’s expected that you pay for it. It’s courteous to provide a kitty for your nanny so she doesn’t have to fund day to day expenditure out of her own pocket, but if this is the arrangement you have make sure you pay her back promptly.
7. Leave a critical note, but don’t suggest improvements
Nannies don’t have mind-reading superpowers (for people over the age of 3, that is) so any time you need to tell your nanny you’d rather she did something a different way, tell her how you’d like it done. Also make sure you give any constructive criticism face to face – it can be really demoralising when someone is nice to your face and then an hour later you discover they weren’t happy at all.
8. Ask her to clean your bathroom
Most nannies will happily take care of nursery duties – that is chores related directly to the children such as cleaning up after meals, doing their laundry and hovering their bedrooms and playroom. Although some nannies will be happy to take on additional housekeeping duties, cleaning your bathroom is a step too far. Remember the top priority for a nanny is always the children.
9. Take a day off to follow her around
You probably don’t work too well with your boss breathing down your neck and your nanny is no exception. It’s difficult to interact naturally with children, sing, dance and be silly, if you know someone else is judging your every move. Added to that, children always behave differently when their parents are around, so any judgements you make are likely to be based on unsound evidence.
10. Don’t pay her
As much as your nanny probably loves her job, as a professional she does expect to be paid. Non-payment is a breach of contract, and your nanny would be perfectly justified in leaving immediately.
After the horrendous bombings at the Boston marathon, you may be asked questions by the children you care for. It’s understandable that they will want to make sense of the upsetting events around them, the images they see on the TV for the front pages of newspapers and perhaps the seemingly inexplicable sadness of adults around them. These questions do deserve answers, because they are a sign of a child’s worry which can easily multiply out of control but it’s best to talk to the children’s parents first about how they want their child’s questions handled.
At times such as these it’s especially important to maintain a routine and sense of normality. This provides children with the safety and security that they need. Getting out and about will allow children to see that their own neighbourhood is carrying on with daily life. This is an important step in separating which is shown on TV from their reality.
How much you tell a child will depend on their age and their personality. Younger children don’t yet have the capacity to separate what is away and close to them from fictional portrayals or events further away. They may become very scared and overwhelmed by their fears. At this age it’s important to reiterate that they are safe and this is something which happened far away. Focus on the positive role carried out by the emergency services and do acknowledge the sadness that injury and death brings but don’t dwell on it.
Older children still need to be reassured that they are safe but they are more likely to ask quoins owns about why it happened and whether it will happen to them. Questions of this nature are difficult to answer appropriately and it’s best to keep responses as simple as possible. Do be careful if children propose extreme solutions, either influenced by films or video games or repeating something they have heard an adult say. It’s important to encourage them to trust in the justice system and not assign blame, even if we ourselves are railing at the perpetrators. Children often have a strong innate sense of justice and want to know that the people responsible will in some way be punished but that can be disproportionate.
Although presenting a calm exterior and brave face to children is important, nannies must not just block out events around them. It is both permissible and appropriate to express shock and disbelief, or to want to seek reassurance. Alone all day without adult company it can be easy for things to prey on your mind. Talk to others – a mentor, a trusted nanny friend or an online community – who understand the pressures and may be able to share coping strategies or provide ideas for answering difficult questions, which may continue to surface in the days and weeks to come.
Kuvona | www.dreamstime.com Like many other families who employ a nanny, we use a nanny/parent diary to communicate with each other and write down important messages. This is recommended by practically every book, website, parent at playgroup and nanny at interview. Of course it takes a bit of trial and error to get right….
When we started I obsessively wrote down everything, and I mean everything – nappies, precise waking times, feed timings to the last millisecond. Ellie, to be fair, played along and I have an excruciatingly thorough account of the first six weeks. Sin #1, overinformation.
Then I got lazy and days went by (possibly up to s week) when I didn’t even read the thing let alone write something down. When I did it was a quick note, mostly critical, and this is where we came to our first cropper. Sin #2, underuse.
One Sunday, slightly exasperated that Ol seemed to have no clothes, I flipped to Monday and scrawled “please make sure you do a wash on Friday so we have enough clothes for the weekend”. Monday evening I came home and, remembering that I’d left something in the diary, checked to see the reply.
“Wash was done Thursday. Please see April 9 re: sorted clothes and April 11 re: suggested purchases.”
Oh.
Now had I actually talked rather than relying on just writing I might have discovered that Ellie, in a bout of efficiency had sorted through Ol’s clothes and he only had about 5 outfits which fitted (hence the follow up note on the Friday), and of course because it was in the diary it was assumed that the message had been read and understood. Wrong. To compound this, instead of politely asking Ellie to do the laundry (whereupon I would have discovered that she actually did), I wrote a snippy note in a fit of pique. Sin #3, relying on the diary and sin #4, writing something in a way you’d never say it.
Things jogged along nicely for a while, but then I committed sin #5 (diarising something before it was confirmed). I put something in the diary 3 weeks in advance, because I knew we’d need a babysit, and this happened over a weekend so I didn’t want to text to ask there and then. I had it in the back of my mind to bring it up very quickly Monday, just to say there was something in the diary, but, fairly predictably, I forgot. Luckily I have a very understanding and organised nanny who looks through the month ahead every Monday (which is the only reason Granny got a handcrafted birthday card this year) and who called to ask whether we wanted her to babysit
Far be it from me to tender advice…. but I’ll go you 2 bits anyway.
Use your diary judiciously – not too much, but not so little that you never look at it and miss important info
AND
Never use your diary as a substitute for talking, even if its just to say “did you see the diary?”
My heartfelt thanks to those who commented on my last post. Review time has been and gone and it went (mostly) well. We settled eventually on a small payrise, and a gift to show our appreciation with plans of more little surprises to come, not that I want to give too much away in case she’s reading. Ahem.
It was good to have the opportunity to sit down and chat about how things are going, having the time to talk about Oliver, how he’s getting on and what he might find interesting over the coming few months was really helpful. I now have a shopping list of toys and resources, and instructions to investigate different activities. Sometimes I wonder who’s the boss!
I got my knuckles rapped for lateness a couple of times. I know I’m guilty of realising I’m still in the office and should be halfway through the commute, and I do call as soon as I remember, but that adds half an hour to a working days all round and kicks Ol’s bedtime routine into touch, so I do know I really shouldn’t do it. Without making excuses it can be hard to wrap things up on time. A task that was only supposed to take half an hour can double or even treble quite easily and that leaves everything out of whack.
Surprise question of the night: ‘Are you anticipating any changes in your family circumstances over the next year?’. The mind flashes through redundancy (please, no) and house moves (if we win the lottery) to the fear that she’s seen the prenatal vitamins at the back of our en suite cupboard and jumped to conclusions. I hastily took another sip of wine.
The only real problem was holiday. May is always a pretty terrible time for me work-wise and this year Ed’s schedule is jammed too. Guess when Ellie wants to take a couple of days?
I know it’s technically legal for an employer to refuse holiday, but I think that’s a pretty horrid thing to do without an outstanding reason, and ‘it’s a bit inconvenient’ isn’t really going to stand up when it’s something your nanny really wants to do. The only thing is I’m not even sure either of us will be able to get time off. Neither set of grandparents will be any good and that leaves us rather stuck. Maybe I was being naïve when I wouldn’t have to worry about this kind of problem. Luckily Ellie has developed a good nanny network, and is going to ask around, although she informs me that some of them are already in shares and couldn’t take on an extra one or OFSTED might cause trouble.
Ed also floated the idea of asking Ellie to come on holiday with us in the summer when we go away with another family. I agree it would be heavenly to have on-tap help rather than finding a local sitter, so the subject was duly broached. I could tell straight away it wasn’t going to be an instant winner. Naturally we promised to pay all expenses, the total working hours wouldn’t change and we’d expect the other family to chip in and pay on top of her salary if they wanted to share the childcare but something still wasn’t sitting right. Given that we want to book soon it would be good to have a reply.
The final part of the review was an idea I’d seen on a well known parenting site, offering to contribute to or pay for any professional development courses. I take it this isn’t a very common thing to do as Ellie looked a bit surprised. She renewed her First Aid certificate just before coming to work for us so this would be something completely different. I suggested a couple of courses I’d googled and suggested she ask her nanny friends for inspiration but I don’t really mind what she does. I’m sure whatever it is will benefit her, and by extension Ol, in some way or another and that’s the whole idea!
So there as my first experience of a formal review with a nanny. In hindsight I’d probably ask her to think about a few things beforehand, not in a scary self-evaluation kind of way but just to have some ideas so she doesn’t feel so put on the spot. Live and learn!
It’s half-term and for some people that means a whirl of playdates and trips out, for others it means the cancellation of the only adult interaction they have in their week.
It can be tough as a nanny to find people to talk to as nannies don’t have colleagues in the traditional sense. New jobs often mean losing touch with an established circle of nanny friends and any local nannies may know your own employers. Plus talking about your employer or charge to someone who knows them without revealing confidential information is virtually impossible when they know your charges and possibly your employers, and that can add up to create a lonely situation.
We also have a Facebook page where we can post questions on behalf of nannies or parents and open the question to our network of 1,400 (and counting). It’s also a great place to keep up with our blog posts on Government proposals, our parent blogger, articles on articles about essential skills for nannies or different careers in childcare and we’ll soon be launching a nanny panel on our blog who will give their personal take on different situations that nannies encounter in their work. You can follow us on Twitter too @nanny_job and join in discussions there.
When nannies or other childcarers register on the site to create a CV and use the jobseeker or babysitting advert services, they also have the opportunity to join the Nannyjob Social Club. This allows you to make nanny friends in your area either by putting a profile up and waiting for them to contact you or contacting people who have already posted their profile. It’s a great way to get started if you’re new to an area and worth checking on a regular basis to see whether anyone has recently moved to your area too.
Come and join one (or all!) of our communities today!
We’re pleased to welcome back Suzannah Thyme for her second post on the Nannyjob blog!
If you read my first post you might remember that our nanny has been with us for a year. The time has simply flown by and we count ourselves very lucky that Ellie has put up with us for this long. Having a nanny isn’t quite the same as having any other type of employee, particularly when it comes to managing performance and formal reviews. It tends to be an ongoing process – slightly elongated handovers or a sit down with a cup of tea on the rare days that I do work from home while Ol naps – for us at least and the idea of ‘managing’ Ellie in that way filled me with trepidation.
I turned where most people do these days, the internet, for to gather advice and gauge opinions on what was and wasn’t normal. It seemed a mixed bag, some had a very formal process with a self-evaluation form to comment on their performance, others let it slide by with nothing at all, a good number had an informal meeting or formal chat with a bit of warning that the contract would be reviewed. After canvassing Ed for his opinion, which elicited the information that he was going on a 10 day business trip of which I had no prior knowledge, we (read: I) decided on the slightly more formal chat approach.
The next challenge was when to schedule it. Evenings aren’t the best time for anyone and mornings tend to be rushed, certainly on my part, so we were evidently going to have to put aside a specific time. In the end it seemed most sensible to ask Ellie for the equivalent of a babysit and explain that we’d chat once Ol was in bed – takeaway and wine included. Luckily she was amenable to this plan, but once again the nagging conscience which insists that she’s entitled to her own life outside of work and this was an intrusion wouldn’t quite go away, as it does every time we ask for a babysit even though she insists she doesn’t mind.
Time and place set I turned my mind to the content. What does one discuss in a nanny’s review? Evaluating performance over the past year was easy -“You’re doing a brilliant job, will you stay until Ol leaves home?” was what I essentially wanted to say. There were no foreseeable changes and we didn’t need to modify the contract. Once again I turned to the internet and discovered that nannies typically wanted to discuss holiday and payrises. Ah.
Holiday isn’t a problem as far as I know. Bank Holidays off, 2 weeks her choice, which she tends to take a one week and then a few days here and there, 2 weeks ours, except it’s been more over the last year, and the time between Christmas and New Year. We’ve never sorted our holiday out that far in advance, although maybe we should talk about that and pencil in key dates. And dates when holiday wouldn’t work so well for us. But the idea of a payrise strikes fear into my heart.
Much as we love Ellie and I would pay her millions if I could we’re stretching our budget already to afford a nanny for one child. It’s a luxury for us and any rise we could afford would be paltry in the extreme on an hourly basis. We gave a bonus at Christmas, which is uncomfortably close to the review given that I’ve not been paid for January yet, but then again it’s not really her fault she started a new job so close to Christmas when I would happily have given a bonus in June. Sitting down with a calculator I worked out we could afford about £75 a month over a year, which doesn’t sound a lot. If anyone has any ideas on extra things I can do to show appreciation I’d be grateful….
