It’s 10 minutes past finishing time and no sign of your employers, no call, no text. It’s 40 minutes past your contracted finish and your employer breezes in saying “Sorry! See you tomorrow.” It’s been 3 hours, you’ve put the children to bed, cancelled your plans for the evening and made a half-hearted attempt at tackling the ironing pile when your phone beeps – “Dinner nearly through, home in an hour or so”. Sound familiar?
Using the highly scientific research method known as ‘asking some people we know’ we found that this problem is shockingly common and there seem to be three main reasons for employer lateness, which require different tactics to resolve.
As a childcarer you may sometimes find yourself in the situation where you have repeatedly tried to communicate with the parents about an issue and been ignored, or told that the parents will do something only to find they haven’t. At this point you need to make a decision about how important the issue is, to the children and to you, and whether you can work with things are they are.
As a childcarer you may sometimes find yourself in the situation where you have repeatedly tried to communicate with the parents about an issue and been ignored, or told that the parents will do something only to find they haven’t. At this point you need to make a decision about how important the issue is, to the children and to you, and whether you can work with things are they are.
Any concerns about the children’s safety or well-being must be reported. If you feel a parent’s actions or inaction mount up to abuse or neglect then you have a duty to get in touch with your relevant local authority.
Where it’s not a safeguarding issue, but makes carrying out your job difficult for you then you need to decide what actions you can take without the overt support of the parents, assuming they are happy for you to do so. Children can be quick to notice inconsistencies so acknowledge any differences between what you say and what the parents say, however they are also capable of learning which behaviours are acceptable with which adult and as long as you are consistent with them they will learn (even if it takes a little longer!).
All this, though, can make your job extremely stressful. Finding ways to wind down at the end of the day, or even quietly blow off steam half way through, are vital for your well-being. Feeling alone and unsupported can really sap your morale so share your feelings with your loved ones or friends. Often as nannies we feel we can’t talk to anyone about what goes on in our job but it’s perfectly okay to reveal our feelings and frustrations. As a general rule talking in ‘I’ terms (I feel I…. etc) won’t give anything away and it will help you acknowledge your own emotions instead of bottling them up. Sport can be a great way to relieve frustration, and crafts that occupy your hands such as knitting or card-making can be a good way to calm down and focus on something positive and productive. Creating a time to work through your feelings and set them to rest is another good way to keep your kind clear and preventing stress in your job invading your life. Work on accepting what you can’t change and seeing the positives in the things you can.
Ultimately if you feel the parents are making it impossible for you to continue, or you are unable to destress at least at the end of a working week then it might be time for you to move on. You can change the children but you can’t change the parents, and sometimes accepting that is the hardest thing of all.
Although a performance review can also be helpful at any time if there are problems with your nanny carrying out their duties they should not be neglected if everything is going well. A performance review is a chance to praise your nanny and let them know what a good job they’re doing.
It’s a good idea once a year to sit down for a more formal meeting with your nanny to review their performance, your children’s development and plan the year ahead. You may like to do this on the anniversary of them starting work with you, at the start or end of the school year or the start of the calendar year. We’ve put together some questions you might like to consider or ask your nanny to think about before the meeting so you can sit down prepared.
Although a performance review can also be helpful at any time if there are problems with your nanny carrying out their duties they should not be neglected if everything is going well. A performance review is a chance to praise your nanny and let them know what a good job they’re doing.
Many nannies expect a pay rise, or at least a pay review, at their annual review. If you don’t want to discuss finances then let them know in advance that the meeting is solely about their performance and you’ll set aside another time to discuss pay.
Schedule the review for a time when there are no children around. Children can be a distraction and it’s especially important that you are able to be honest with your nanny if either of you have concerns about the children or if you have something negative to say.
We hope you find these questions helpful in facilitating communication with your nanny about their performance and your needs!
The year just gone:
Is the nanny able to do everything on their job description? Is there anything they are doing which is not in their job description? Does the job description need to be modified?
How has your nanny coped with the workload? How do they feel they have coped?
What have been your nanny’s strong points this year? What are areas for improvement?
Have there been any problems? How were they resolved?
Are the any developmental concerns about the children?
The year ahead:
Are there any foreseeable changes to duties?
Are there any activities it would be good to introduce? How can the children’s development be stimulated?
Do any strategies for behaviour management need to be recapped or reviewed?
Are there any areas where your nanny would like to refresh or update their knowledge?
What are the goals for the year ahead? (These may be for the children, the nanny or you e.g. potty training, ensuring all laundry is up to date on a Friday night, ensuring the kitchen is tidy on a Monday morning)
Is your nanny’s salary competitive and a fair reflection of the job’s demands?
One of the hardest things about having someone working in your home is knowing what house rules are reasonable. A nanny is a trusted member of the household and while you need to have complete confidence in them and their ability to do their job you also need to set out some expectations of how they behave when in your home and treat your property.
It can be as simple as expecting your nanny and any guests to remove their shoes in the porch or just inside the door. There are many different ways to broach this. One family had a large basket slippers from hotels beside the door for guests to use, another a shoe rack with labels including one for ‘guest’.
A contentious issue can be food. As an employer you should provide any meals for your nanny while on duty and most employers check what their nanny prefers to eat so they can accommodate that. If you find that your nanny is consistently using food you’ve earmarked for a specific dish then you either need to come up with a labeling system or allocate a shelf in the fridge that isn’t to be touched. If you have specific food rules, such as keeping kosher, you need to make sure your nanny knows what these are.
Nannies often ask at interview whether they can socialise with other nannies and invite them and their charges on playdates. This is really beneficial for your child but again you might want to set rules about how many can come at any one time, what refreshments your nanny can offer and where they can go in the house. If, for example, a nanny has a baby charge who needs to take a nap are you happy for them to use your child’s cot, a travel cot or mattress in your child’s room, or perhaps the guest room?
If you have a live in nanny house rules are even more important. This will be their home as well as yours and they may want to have friends over in the evening or at the weekend or even to stay the night. As an adult they shouldn’t be subject to a curfew but you might like to ask them to let you know if they plan to be out past a certain time and instruct them how to lock up the house for the night when they come in. Do you allow alcohol in your home? Are you happy for your nanny to have a glass of wine in the evening when they are not on duty? How will you negotiate use of the kitchen in the evening if they want to cook for themselves?
Where rules are discussed and agreed upon beforehand the relationship between nanny and employer will be harmonious and respectful, but if you do not talk about your expectations you risk finding yourself becoming more and more annoyed at the way your nanny treats your home.
Every nanny’s dream is finding a family to work for, long term, that they click with. The reality is that sometimes, even when a nanny has found that family, disagreements will still occur. This is to be expected, and is usually nothing to worry about.
In much the same way as your personal relationships, disagreements and issues within working relationships needn’t spell the end of the relationship. Most of the time they can be dealt with easily and with the minimum of drama.
Dealing with these disagreements in the right way is vital to maintaining a healthy working relationship with the family. Following are some tips to help you deal with them, or avoid them altogether.
Make sure you have a contract
An in-depth nanny contract is the most effective way to prevent disagreements and issues occurring. Although verbal contracts are legally binding, they are open to interpretation so it is important that your agreement is put down in writing and signed by all parties. Insist that a contract is drawn up and signed as soon as possible after starting work, preferably before you start – and definitely by a month or two after your start date. Be sure to keep your copy safe.
Check your contract
If you find yourself disagreeing with the parents over something like holiday or house rules, check the contract over. It is easy to forget small points, especially things that may not have stuck out in your mind when the contract was drawn up. The disagreement could be down to a simple misunderstanding on their (or your) behalf.
Be upfront from the beginning
Before you agree to work for a family, be sure to inform them of anything that could affect your ability to work the hours they require, if you have any holidays booked, or anything else that affects your work. If these things are dealt with early on, they shouldn’t cause a problem later on.
Don’t wait for resentment to build
If something has bothered you then you need to be politely honest about it before it becomes a huge issue in your mind. The problem might be something small and easily fixed – for example, the parents unthinkingly allowing the children to wake you up on a Saturday morning when you’re off-duty – or it may just be the product of a misunderstanding. Either way, dealing with issues in a friendly manner, if and when they arise, is far preferable than hoping the problem will go away by itself. That very rarely happens, and you will end up feeling resentful and angry towards the family.
Give plenty of notice
If you need some time off that hasn’t been pre-arranged with the family, make sure you broach the subject with plenty of time to spare. They may not be able to fulfil your request but they have much more chance of doing so if they have enough time to organise alternative childcare, and they will appreciate the effort of giving plenty of notice.
Nannyjob is pleased to partner with BAPN, the No 1 Nanny Membership Association in the UK.
This article is provided by BAPN.
As the No 1 in the UK, we are proud of what we do and will continue to build on our reputation – that of delivering a high standard of services and benefits to our members. We will continue to work in partnership with highly respected companies within the childcare and early years sector, making sure that nannies are no longer the invisible professionals.
BAPN is a proud partner of Nannyjob. Learn more about BAPN at www.bapn.org.uk
The BAPN you see today isn’t a ‘New BAPN’, it’s more a grownup BAPN, changing with the times, developing to meet the needs of a more discerning, sophisticated nanny who quite rightly expects so much more than social get togethers or signposting to help, advice and support. They’re busier than ever before and they favour having everything in one place; to know where to go to for quick, reliable, trustworthy employment support, advice, discounted products and services they can afford.
BAPN hasn’t changed its remit, set up all those years ago, we’ve always offered high quality support and services. However, the most significant addition we have introduced, is our personal representation cover for when things go wrong.
Being a nanny can be thrilling and the most rewarding job you’ll ever get to do. However, caring for someone else’s children can leave you extremely vulnerable, you can feel isolated at times and unsure of your facts be it a childcare issue or regarding your employment rights. A Nanny might find themselves facing an accusation of some kind or with a battle on their hands to recover unpaid salary or wrongful deductions for example. Whether a Nanny needs a second opinion, some reassuring advice or requires support and personal representation, wherever they are in the UK, BAPN can now act on their behalf. We can now be there, in person, fighting their corner. Nannies tell us that it is this addition to the array of member benefits that has made them look again at BAPN and to join us.
It’s been an extremely busy 6 months and I’m delighted with what we’ve been able to achieve recently. We’ve more than quadrupled the discounted benefits available to members and we’re particularly proud that this includes much needed Health Care Benefits for nannies.
We’re also proud to be offering International Affiliate Membership to British nannies working abroad and we’re hopeful that this will enable us to further develop our overseas community, going some way towards tackling the isolation that often comes with working in a new country. International Affiliate Membership is also available to overseas nannies who are not from the UK but who want to keep up to date with nanny issues in the Uk, as well as make new friends. Everyone is welcome and we’re excited to see this membership flourish.
The signs that we are delivering what our members want from us are good. The feedback we’re getting is extremely encouraging. Obviously, as we move to add more support, more benefits, and to get out there, holding workshops around the country, we really do need nannies to join us. We’re a membership Association first and foremost and the only income we receive is from our membership subscriptions. We aim to keep our fees affordable while offering quality and that can only be achieved by member growth. So, if there are nannies reading this who haven’t taken a fresh look at BAPN we would urge them to do so. We’re confident they’ll like what they see www.bapn.org.uk
BAPN membership means your voice is heard and shows your support for the work we do to raise the profile of nannies, the outcome of which can only be beneficial and improve the employment of nannies.
Buying a pram is a huge decision for parents. In fact it’s probably the baby buy that they spend the most time on and among the most expensive items. Parents to be consider their comfort, what they will use the pram for and whether it will fit in their car….. but understandably they haven’t thought about their nanny.
Telling parents that you don’t like their pram is one of the most awkward things to do. You might be worried that you come across as petty or picky but a pram is an essential piece of equipment that you are likely to use every day and if you can’t push it comfortably, fold and unfold it, or fit it in your car then you need to tell them sooner rather than later. In a way it can feel like you’re questioning their parenting choices, because a pram is after all not just a mode of baby transport. It’s a very obvious signal to the rest of the world of the image that they want to project and their ideas may not mesh with what you know is comfortable for you. So how do you go about it?
In this case honestly is the best policy and make it clear that these are your personal feelings about an inanimate object, so rather than saying ‘your pram is really heavy’ try saying ‘I find the pram really heavy’. Offer workable solutions: ask them to teach you how to put it up and down, suggest that you take the bus instead of using your car or that they get a ‘car buggy’ for days out and you can use their pram when walking. If the handles are too high you can approach it in a joky manner, but don’t underestimate how serious a problem it is for you in the long term.
If you know of any affordable replacements then if they offer to get a new pram you can be ready with suggestions that will suit everyone. One of the biggest issues is height difference so if you’ve done some research don’t make the same mistake and forget about your very tall DadBoss!
Last week we posted about the ‘two week itch’, that point where the reality of your new job (or nanny) sinks in and you start to find things that you’re not happy with. Hopefully these issues can be resolved by communicating openly about your feelings and expectations and you can move forward happily. Unfortunately sometimes the situation doesn’t improve and you’re faced with a choice of bringing the arrangement to an end or persevering but being unhappy.
In a tough market it can be difficult to take the brave decision to give notice. If you’re still in the probationary period the contractual notice may be very short – perhaps one week instead of four, which doesn’t leave much time to find a new job or find a new nanny. You can give more notice that the minimum required but it’s good practice to agree on an end date and stick to that.
Notice should always be given in writing. You don’t need to give your reasons in the letter, but we would strongly recommend having an honest conversation about why you’re choosing to move on. It’s possible that you can still find a way forward, but equally if you just feel that you’re not a good fit for each other then be open about that. Sometimes it can be difficult to put your finger on exactly what’s up but things you can’t measure such as how similar your childcare styles are or how well a nanny has bonded with the children are very important to a good relationship.
Working through the notice period might feel awkard, because in many ways giving notice is personal rejection. Some employers may choose to pay in lieu of notice and it’s not uncommon to feel concern about a nanny’s commitment to the job once notice has been given by either party. Equally nannies might feel that the trust in the relationship has been broken and that can affect their work and allow resentment to build up. It’s still important to remain polite and respectful and work together for the benefit of the children. Maintaining an effective working relationship in dififcult circumstances is a sign of professionalism and maturity.
Some employers will take the notice period into account when writing a reference and some won’t. Some will refuse to provide a reference altogether but that can leave a nanny in a tricky situation. Employers should be prepared to at least provide a written reference confirming dates and duties, and if it was the employer’s choice to give notice and the reasons for terminating the contract are mentioned in a verbal reference they should make sure these were raised with the nanny and the nanny given opportunities to improve. Where the job was obtained through an agency the agency should be able to confirm to any future employer that it’s not a suspicious gap on the nanny’s CV.
If you need to have this difficult conversation then choose a time when the children are occupied and not just as one of you is about to rush out the door. It’s usually better to put it off for day but have the time to talk. Never leave a letter for the other party to find when you’re not around!
Ideally you should have a contract in place before your nanny starts, but if you don’t then make signing one a top priority. Aside from being a legal obligation on your part, it’s a good idea to have the arrangement clarified in writing. You’ll also need her bank details and her National Insurance number, as well as her P45 from her previous job, to pay her correctly.
2. Don’t say thank you
It’s nice to say thank you to your nanny at the end of every day, but it’s absolutely vital if she goes out of her way to do something, whether you’ve asked her to or not. You might be paying her but a little gratitude goes a long way.
3. Go back on your word
The relationship between a nanny and employer is based on mutual trust and respect. You trust her to care for your children and she trusts you to keep your end of the bargain. If you agree to something, be it going to a specific playgroup or that she can leave half an hour early one day, don’t suddenly turn around and say you’ve changed your mind and it’s no longer possible.
4. Tell her she can’t sit on your chair
It’s understandable that even though you’ve let someone into your home you’ll still want to keep a bit of privacy, but do remember that it’s your nanny’s place of work where she will spend a great deal of time, and it’s vital that she feel comfortable. Dictating where she can and can’t sit is petty, and slights like that won’t make for an easy working relationship.
5. Be late without notice
Emergencies happen, that’s one of the reason why a nanny is such a great form of childcare, but it absolutely doesn’t excuse lateness with no warning. If your nanny finishes at 6, you haven’t left the office at 5.30 and you know it takes you 45 minutes to get home, you’re already late. Take a moment out of whatever you’re dealing with to call your nanny and apologise. Remember she may have plans for the evening too so she may not be thrilled with the news.
6. Don’t top up the kitty or reimburse her for expenses
If you ask your nanny to pick up essentials, such as nappies or bread, or expect her to take your children to activities then it’s expected that you pay for it. It’s courteous to provide a kitty for your nanny so she doesn’t have to fund day to day expenditure out of her own pocket, but if this is the arrangement you have make sure you pay her back promptly.
7. Leave a critical note, but don’t suggest improvements
Nannies don’t have mind-reading superpowers (for people over the age of 3, that is) so any time you need to tell your nanny you’d rather she did something a different way, tell her how you’d like it done. Also make sure you give any constructive criticism face to face – it can be really demoralising when someone is nice to your face and then an hour later you discover they weren’t happy at all.
8. Ask her to clean your bathroom
Most nannies will happily take care of nursery duties – that is chores related directly to the children such as cleaning up after meals, doing their laundry and hovering their bedrooms and playroom. Although some nannies will be happy to take on additional housekeeping duties, cleaning your bathroom is a step too far. Remember the top priority for a nanny is always the children.
9. Take a day off to follow her around
You probably don’t work too well with your boss breathing down your neck and your nanny is no exception. It’s difficult to interact naturally with children, sing, dance and be silly, if you know someone else is judging your every move. Added to that, children always behave differently when their parents are around, so any judgements you make are likely to be based on unsound evidence.
10. Don’t pay her
As much as your nanny probably loves her job, as a professional she does expect to be paid. Non-payment is a breach of contract, and your nanny would be perfectly justified in leaving immediately.
Kuvona | www.dreamstime.com Like many other families who employ a nanny, we use a nanny/parent diary to communicate with each other and write down important messages. This is recommended by practically every book, website, parent at playgroup and nanny at interview. Of course it takes a bit of trial and error to get right….
When we started I obsessively wrote down everything, and I mean everything – nappies, precise waking times, feed timings to the last millisecond. Ellie, to be fair, played along and I have an excruciatingly thorough account of the first six weeks. Sin #1, overinformation.
Then I got lazy and days went by (possibly up to s week) when I didn’t even read the thing let alone write something down. When I did it was a quick note, mostly critical, and this is where we came to our first cropper. Sin #2, underuse.
One Sunday, slightly exasperated that Ol seemed to have no clothes, I flipped to Monday and scrawled “please make sure you do a wash on Friday so we have enough clothes for the weekend”. Monday evening I came home and, remembering that I’d left something in the diary, checked to see the reply.
“Wash was done Thursday. Please see April 9 re: sorted clothes and April 11 re: suggested purchases.”
Oh.
Now had I actually talked rather than relying on just writing I might have discovered that Ellie, in a bout of efficiency had sorted through Ol’s clothes and he only had about 5 outfits which fitted (hence the follow up note on the Friday), and of course because it was in the diary it was assumed that the message had been read and understood. Wrong. To compound this, instead of politely asking Ellie to do the laundry (whereupon I would have discovered that she actually did), I wrote a snippy note in a fit of pique. Sin #3, relying on the diary and sin #4, writing something in a way you’d never say it.
Things jogged along nicely for a while, but then I committed sin #5 (diarising something before it was confirmed). I put something in the diary 3 weeks in advance, because I knew we’d need a babysit, and this happened over a weekend so I didn’t want to text to ask there and then. I had it in the back of my mind to bring it up very quickly Monday, just to say there was something in the diary, but, fairly predictably, I forgot. Luckily I have a very understanding and organised nanny who looks through the month ahead every Monday (which is the only reason Granny got a handcrafted birthday card this year) and who called to ask whether we wanted her to babysit
Far be it from me to tender advice…. but I’ll go you 2 bits anyway.
Use your diary judiciously – not too much, but not so little that you never look at it and miss important info
AND
Never use your diary as a substitute for talking, even if its just to say “did you see the diary?”
