nanny employer relationship – Page 2

Do you begrudge your nanny a coffee?

Who pays for your nanny’s coffee when she’s out and about on work time? Does it matter where she is?

Saying yes, all the time means that, unless your nanny is restrained, your kitty expenses are likely to be high, and you may end up resenting paying your nanny to sit in coffee shops and drink coffee that you pay for, even if it is naptime or while your offspring go to ballet/Brownies/boxing. Very few nannies take advantage of their employers’ generosity in this regard, but small expenses certainly mount up, and sitting in coffee shops can easily become a habit rather than an occasional treat even when your children are older.

Most employers place limits on consumption out and about, either to a certain number of meals/trips per week or to specific locations such as soft play areas, which (terrible as the coffee is there) are barely tolerable without some form of beverage. The occasional lunch in a restaurant or coffee and cake in a café teaches children valuable social skills such as interacting with waiting staff and eating quietly and tidily and should generally be encouraged from time to time. A couple of coffees a week is a small price to pay for the goodwill it will get you in return.

Never allowing your nanny the odd coffee, especially at inflated soft play prices, is likely to breed resentment in the other direction. You may have a hard time understanding why you’re paying your nanny to drink coffee and watch your child play but if the choice is between paying for the coffee and denying your child the opportunity to scramble around in a relatively space environment, you’ll probably pick the coffee, because if you don’t pay then your nanny will either seethe quietly or just not go. How do you cope with the mine field of who pays for coffee / lunch if you are out and about with your nanny family? We’d love to hear your thoughts

Nanny or Nanny-housekeeper?

The rise of the nanny-housekeeper has been pretty universal. All over the country nannies are reporting that new jobs come with more household duties than they used to, and bosses are increasingly asking nannies to take on jobs around the house when charges move on to school or nursery.

It used to be said that you could either have a good cleaner or a good nanny. To a certain extent this holds – nannies become nannies, and train to become nannies, because they want to work with children. Most training courses don’t cover household duties, and placements in nurseries are more likely to be cleaning on a large scale using specially designed products and very resistant furniture. While nannies are usually happy to clear up after themselves and take on nursery duties such as children’s laundry, their focus will always be on the children and that may mean the housekeeping just doesn’t get done.

Cleaners are often great cleaners because of their attention to detail and their love of making things sparkle. That may mean their attention to the children suffers and their own feelings of frustration mount when things don’t stay clean and tidy for long.

So what can you reasonably expect someone to do when providing dedicated care for your children? The answer is it depends what you’re prepared to compromise on. If you’re modifying a job it’s important to discuss with your nanny what they feel capable or comfortable doing. A nanny who is also an excellent cook may not object to cooking a family meal for the evening and filling the freezer. A nanny who doesn’t mind ironing may be prepared to do yours alongside the children’s. Asking them if they would mind running the hoover round the rest of the house while they do the children’s bedrooms may also be possible, but do bear in mind the logistical problems this might bring if there are children at home full-time anfd the fact that nanny needs a break during the day!

A nanny-housekeeper, however, is employed to fulfill both roles and probably has experience of balancing the two. They are prepared to take on more cleaning than a dedicated nanny, will often shop and cook for the family and can work particularly well with school aged children. One of the most attractive features is how long-lived the role can be. Parents who are prepared to commit to employing a nanny-housekeeper from the start with more focus on childcare in the early years and on the household later will often find the same person will stay in the role, providing stability and continuity of care.

When nanny gets married

One of our lovely nannies recently got married and she has kindly passed on some hints and tips to any nannies or employers in a similar situation.

Right from the start my employers were thrilled for me and very supportive. They bought me a lovely congratulations card and invited my fiancé over one evening for champagne. In case that sounds strange they’ve known him as long as I’ve been working for them and they’re happy for him to come over in the evening if I’m babysitting because he’s my lift home. My nanny family really do feel like another part of my family so them being happy for me was a big deal.

I waited to check with them before setting the date. We wanted to get married in June 2022 which was 15 months away at the time of our engagement and we wanted to go on a 2-week honeymoon. I also wanted a couple of days before the wedding which meant 2 and a half weeks off in term time – not the most convenient thing for my bosses. I offered to take it as unpaid holiday so they could afford a temp nanny, and so I could keep my holiday allowance for the year, but they said it would be my main wedding present to have it as paid leave and they would manage. I know this was a massive deal for them and it made a big difference. I think if they’d been difficult about the date, it would have made me feel like getting married was an inconvenience.

They stayed interested, particularly the girls I look after, the whole time and although I know I was probably a very enthusiastic bride they never once made me feel like I was boring them. In fact, they were understanding to the point of my dad boss listening to me weep about table plans one Monday in the run up. Obviously, I didn’t let wedding planning take over my life, and it stayed out of work hours most of the time, but employers who show an interest in the biggest thing that’s going on in your life are appreciated.

Next, I had the dilemma of whether I invited them to the wedding or not, even more complicated because the children were desperate to be attendants. I didn’t want my charges as bridesmaids, but I did want them to share part of my special day, so I invited them to the church service and the evening on the condition that they had a big nap in the afternoon. That way they missed all the embarrassing bits about me in the speeches! I also bought them special matching outfits that fitted with my colour scheme but weren’t the same as my adult bridesmaids and gave them special jobs to do like distributing the confetti after the service. I could focus on the ceremony without being a nanny to my charges (because we never really stop) and they felt part of it – win-win!

I also had a special picture of us taken on the day, and it will definitely be going in the album.

After so much excitement and a wonderful honeymoon I felt a bit deflated coming back to work, but they made a special banner to say, ‘welcome back Mrs xxxxx’ and that made me smile all day.

Reasonable duties for a nanny with nursery or school-aged charges

“What are reasonable duties for a nanny when children are nursery/school?” This is a question which comes up quite a lot, and as some nannies will be finding themselves with some free time as of this week, we thought we’d look.

Looking after other children

If there are younger children in the family, it’s a no brainer. A nanny’s wages won’t go down because they only have 1 child during these hours, and they’re still on call for any illness or closures, plus school holidays. If there aren’t younger children it’s possible to set up a nanny share, and this kind of arrangement can work well – Family A get to keep their nanny and reduce their costs, Family B get some solo time and reduced costs too. Bear in mind that any such arrangement needs to be formalised, and a nanny should never be offered as a free babysitter to another family without checking first.

Nursery duties

Most nannies will do nursery duties anyway, but usually while children nap. As a child going to nursery won’t be napping any longer (although some do) and a child at school won’t, so a nanny can use child-free hours to do laundry, ironing, batch-cooking (especially useful for school holidays), cleaning children’s bedrooms and bathrooms and so on.

PA duties

One big advantage of nanny is having someone at home to receive urgent parcels and let in workmen. With a little negotiation a nanny may take on some PA duties for the whole family, such as shopping for birthday presents and other specific items (or doing research online), ordering and receiving a weekly internet shop, dropping off dry cleaning, going to the Post Office and a hundred and one organisational duties around the house.

Light housekeeping duties

Nannies go into childcare to look after children, rather than clean, but adding a little light housekeeping such as hoovering, family cooking or family ironing. Most won’t clean parent’s bedrooms or bathrooms or do family laundry (especially if it involves underwear). For that you would need to find a nanny-housekeeper.

The 2 week itch

When you start a job everything seems great. Your charges are great. Your bosses are great. The area is great. The new routine is great.

Then reality hits, and at the end of the second week you wonder whether you really made the right choice after all. Are these hours as convenient as they seem? Is their behaviour getting worse? Are your bosses really pleased with what you’ve been doing? Maybe they’re re-evaluating their decision, just like you’re re-evaluating yours? Maybe this job is doomed? Is it worth the money to be unhappy? Are you even really unhappy?

When you start a job everything seems great. Your charges are great. Your bosses are great. The area is great. The new routine is great.

Recognise this feeling for what it is and you’ll feel better. It’s a natural instinct to take stock once the initial excitement of a new job has worn off, especially if your previous job was a good fit and you felt very comfortable. Building up trust with a new family is a relatively slow process and things won’t feel the same for a while. It’s a good idea to persevere until the end of the probationary period so you know you’ve given it a good shot, and things will probably improve past the 2 week point anyway.

Addressing any niggles you have at this stage is vital to prevent potentially difficult situations from escalating. Hearing positive feedback will boost your self-esteem and your employers will be reassured that you’re making an effort to fit in with their needs and wants rather than powering ahead with the way you’ve always done things. It also gives your bosses a safe space to raise anything they aren’t happy about. Everyone makes mistakes and it’s almost inevitable that you’ll have done something differently to how they would do it but rather than letting it build up you should clear the air and find out what they want you to do in future, or explain why you’ve chosen to do something differently.

Isolation can be a big factor if you’ve just moved to a new area or your nanny friends have charges of a different age. Be proactive about going out and finding new friends or tapping into contacts your bosses have already made, and don’t lose touch with your old friends. Nannies need peer support just as much as anyone else and your previous nanny network can help you through a tough time even if you don’t see them as often as you used to. If you’re new to nannying then try to buddy up with an experienced nanny to mentor you through the transition.

Give yourself positive things to look forward to over the next week at work and out of work too – introduce your charges to your favourite activities or plan a fun outing and treat yourself to something midweek as a little pick-me-up. The more positive memories and feelings you have about a new job, the more relaxed and confident you’ll feel, and everyone will pick up on it.

If nothing seems to be working give yourself a timeframe where you’ll give it your best, and if you don’t feel any different make the decision to move on. There’s no shame in accepting that you and the family aren’t a good match and you’ll soon find a job that’s perfect for you.

How Nannies Can Help with Back to School

Back to school is often a nightmarish time for working parents. At a time of year where colds, illness, and head lice are rife, not to mention tantrums and an unwillingness to go back to school, it’s a time where your nanny can make the difference between a bad day and a great day.

We’ve put together our top tips for both nannies and parents to help with the back-to-school transition.

Continue reading “How Nannies Can Help with Back to School”

How to be a Good Nanny?

Anyone can become a nanny, but how to be a good nanny is a totally different story. If you want to impress your employer then you have to be able to demonstrate the qualities of good nannies. Here are some tips for fulfilling the role of a good nanny.

Be Respectful and Well-Mannered

If you offer a full time nanny service, the chances are you will be living in an environment that could be radically different from what you are accustomed to. If you have a different religion, or are from a different race, have different values or culture, will you be able to adapt to and respect their environment? You may have a distinct child rearing philosophy that deviates from that of your employer. If so, are you willing to adapt and follow child rearing rules set by the parents?

If you are a live-out nanny, make sure to let your employers know about emergency absences immediately so they can make alternative arrangements. A good nanny is respectful and realises that parents rely on her punctuality so they can go to work without any delays.

Be Playful and Creative

Encourage the children to be as active as possible. Find something fun and productive to distract them from spending long hours in front of the television. You may take them to the park or museums, read to them, or get them involved in artistic activities. If you are playful and creative you will be a real asset and prove to be a good nanny to the family.

Keep Children Safe All the Time

Always make safety a priority when you are in charge of the overall wellness of the children. You may not be aware of it but your employer will be keeping out an eye on you all the time. Holding the child’s hand while crossing the street, closing the gate, and fastening the child in the car seat are just a few instances where you will be keenly observed by your employer. So if you want to know how to become a good nanny, the answer is straight and simple, treat the children as if they are your own.

Maintain Open Lines of Communication

Your employers need you to openly communicate with them as this is the only way for both parties to catch up. You need to understand that they will be interested in what the children have been up to the whole day. Open communication will also keep your employers up-to-date of any problems. On another note, you need to know how you can communicate with them easily as concerns may arise any time of the day.

It is extremely important to remember that a nanny plays a vital role in nurturing a child. So if you want to know how to become a good nanny, think like a parent wondering how to be a good parent and you won’t go far wrong.

Hassle free holidays

Holidays can be a sticky topic for nannies and employers to discuss. Every employee has the right to take 5.6 weeks (28 days full time, pro rata for part time positions) holiday per year. This breaks down to 8 Bank holidays and 4 weeks of other holiday, which is how it’s been expressed for many years in nanny contracts, although with an increase in part-time positions this is no longer a good idea.

Many people plan to take their most substantial holiday between June and September to benefit from the summer weather or because they are restricted by school holidays. It’s important to agree ahead of time when holidays will be so both parties have a chance to make plans, particularly as prices during school holidays can be very high. It’s not unheard of among nannies for employers to only inform their nanny of holiday plans at the very last minute, leaving the nanny with 2 weeks holiday that they’ve made no plans for.

For nannies it’s never a good idea to book a holiday without clearing it first with your employers. Employers can refuse holiday requests, although they do have to enable you to take your holiday at some point during the year. Most contracts say the holiday is 50% the employer’s choice and 50% the nanny’s but this is a custom rather than a legal right. It may be very inconvenient for you employer to find cover for you that week so communicate your plans well in advance and try to offer a couple of different dates. Your employers should appreciate the flexibility. The best case scenario is to sit down at the beginning of the school or calendar year and work out when holidays are likely. Then as plans firm up you can confirm or change holiday plans.

A common stumbling block is when employers take more holiday that they have given their nanny in the contract. There is no legal right to have more holiday than the 5.6 weeks every employee is entitled to, however it is a customary perk (and excellent compensation for working long hours) to give a nanny additional paid time off when their employer is away. If your contract explicitly states that there is more holiday then this is a contractual right. A nanny might be asked to do some jobs around the home while their charges are away, such as sorting through toys or clothes, batch cooking for the freezer, buying and naming new school uniform or spring cleaning children’s rooms. If you do request this additional work from your nanny then leave them the autonomy to decide when it’s done. They may choose to ‘work from home’ buying and naming school uniform, or spend an evening sorting clothes or cooking instead of arriving at 8am.

Finding cover for a nanny can be a problem; If it’s impossible to take time off working and you have no family support then investigate activity camps for older children, or ask your nanny if any of their friends would be interested in a week or two of extra work. Alternatively a temporary nanny will provide the same level of cover you are used to – particularly important if you need to travel for work or work long hours. You can either use an agency or search our database to find a temporary nanny.

As always, communicating with each other about your plans is vital! If you do this then there’s no reason holidays should cause any hassle!

Birthday etiquette

Should you buy your charges birthday presents or not? What about your ex charges? Your bosses? Your ex bosses? Nannying can gain you a whole new family but it’s a bit of a minefield when it comes to things we wouldn’t think twice about for our own kin.

We don’t have the answers, the best thing is obviously to do what feels right, but we have spent a while thinking it through so you don’t have to.

Your charges

Most nannies buy birthday presents for their charges. It doesn’t have to be big, and it doesn’t have to be a material gift – in fact sometimes taking them out to the cinema or similar, especially if you can do it on their own without their siblings tagging along, can mean more than yet another toy. Other gifts that keep giving are books (you can write a personalised dedication) or board games. Ignoring their birthday on the other hand would be a bit strange.

Your ex charges

In general it’s nice to mark the occasion by sending a card. If you actually see them around their birthday then a token gift, or a small outing, might be appropriate. Having been a significant part of their life they will appreciate the continued contact.

Your bosses

It’s hard to escape your boss’s birthday as you may well be doing something with your charges, like a card or a cake. If you get on well and know their taste then you might feel like giving a small gift but otherwise a card, and maybe a freebie babysit, in more than enough.

Your ex bosses

If you remember you ex boss’s birthday then you’re probably either very close or exceptionally organised. If you’re very close then you will already have established whether you give them a card or a gift (and you can keep giving them the same freebie babysit after you leave). If you’re very organised and you usually got them a card then it costs very little to pop one in the post. If you don’t remember, then you have your answer right there!

When parents won’t listen (or change)

As a childcarer you may sometimes find yourself in the situation where you have repeatedly tried to communicate with the parents about an issue and been ignored, or told that the parents will do something only to find they haven’t. At this point you need to make a decision about how important the issue is, to the children and to you, and whether you can work with things are they are.

Any concerns about the children’s safety or well-being must be reported. If you feel a parent’s actions or inaction mount up to abuse or neglect then you have a duty to get in touch with your relevant local authority.

Where it’s not a safeguarding issue, but makes carrying out your job difficult for you then you need to decide what actions you can take without the overt support of the parents, assuming they are happy for you to do so. Children can be quick to notice inconsistencies so acknowledge any differences between what you say and what the parents say, however they are also capable of learning which behaviours are acceptable with which adult and as long as you are consistent with them they will learn (even if it takes a little longer!).

All this, though, can make your job extremely stressful. Finding ways to wind down at the end of the day, or even quietly blow off steam half way through, are vital for your well-being. Feeling alone and unsupported can really sap your morale so share your feelings with your loved ones or friends. Often as nannies we feel we can’t talk to anyone about what goes on in our job but it’s perfectly okay to reveal our feelings and frustrations. As a general rule talking in ‘I’ terms (I feel I…. etc) won’t give anything away and it will help you acknowledge your own emotions instead of bottling them up. Sport can be a great way to relieve frustration, and crafts that occupy your hands such as knitting or card-making can be a good way to calm down and focus on something positive and productive. Creating a time to work through your feelings and set them to rest is another good way to keep your kind clear and preventing stress in your job invading your life. Work on accepting what you can’t change and seeing the positives in the things you can.

Ultimately if you feel the parents are making it impossible for you to continue, or you are unable to destress at least at the end of a working week then it might be time for you to move on. You can change the children but you can’t change the parents, and sometimes accepting that is the hardest thing of all.