Tag: nanny employer relationship

How to stop your nanny having an affair with your partner (or you)

Poor Gwen Stefani, betrayed by one of the people she should be most able to trust. Her nanny’s behaviour was by any standard unacceptable, and parents and nannies alike aren’t backward about coming forward to say so.

Let’s start by saying that this post has nothing to do with nannies for the most part. It’s got nothing to do with whether your nanny is tall, short, slim, plump, dark, fair, male, female, young or more mature. Very few parents set out to have an affair with their nanny. Preventing affairs has everything to do with relationships. To stop one kind of relationship (a romantic one) you need to keep an eye on three.

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Spotlight on: providing food for nannies

Unlike most jobs, where you take your lunch or go out to grab a sandwich, nannies expect to eat their meals with their charges. This means as an employer you probably need to factor in the cost of providing at least lunch, and possibly breakfast and dinner for your nanny along with tea or coffee and snacks. While the law doesn’t require this it is customary and nannies will eat what the children eat, or if you have a baby then she is likely to eat a slightly more grown up (seasoned and unpureed) version of what she makes her little charge.

Although it might seem a daunting expense there are many benefits to nannies sharing meals with the children. It encourages good table manners, children are motivated to try new foods and it’s a time to share conversation.

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Spotlight on: kitty money

Most parents leave a kitty of petty cash for nannies to use to cover daily expenses. In term time this may just be £10 a week to cover unexpected activities as the majority of activities are pre-paid and the odd pint of milk, but in the holidays this can easily spiral. It’s important to have a good kitty management system for handling the money, and clear guidelines on what it can and can’t be used for.

A nanny purse which stays at work is easy to top up when running low. Nannies can also put receipts in the purse, or keep a small notebook to track expenditure. It’s often said that if you employ a nanny to look after your children and leave her the keys to your house you should trust her with your money, and this is probably true, but it can also be helpful to have an idea of what is being spent when and where to manage the budget a bit better. If a nanny constantly complains of being short of kitty money are the guidelines clear enough?

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Why you put up with your nanny’s quirks

 This is a guest post from a reader who wishes to remain anonymous. Just to remind you we welcome all contributions, and look forward to a respectful discussion!

Sometimes your nanny will drive you crazy. She dumps her bag just inside the door. She teaches your children songs that get on your nerves (get on your nerves, get on your nerves). The garden has been turned into a mud-pit. She never writes enough in the nanny diary. She always uses the last of the butter. There’s only ever one baby wipe left in packet. But you wouldn’t swap, or would you?

You focus on the good and let the niggles slide, and that’s fine as long as they’re just niggles. You can stop here if using up the butter is your biggest bugbear. This article is not for you.

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Why children act up for their parents

‘They never behave like this with me’. ‘The minute the mother walks in the door all hell breaks loose’. ‘The house is like a zoo when I get home’.

It’s a common complaint on both sides. Why do children act up when both nanny and parents are present? Here are 3 possible explanations:

They’re playing ‘power struggle’. Kids know that there’s a sense of hierarchy and they’re trying to navigate the complicated world of human relationships. When two people who are in charge of them are together, who is the one who has the ultimate power? The surest way for them to test this is to behave badly and see who tells them off, and whether the other person can over-rule any consequences.

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Sickness during pregnancy

As nannying is an industry dominated by women it’s inevitable that each year nanny employers will find themselves dealing with a pregnant employee. However delighted you may be for your nanny on a personal level it’s entirely understandable that you might be feeling anxious about your new responsibilities as an employer. We have previously looking at managing pregnant employees and what might happen about your nanny returning to work, so let’s look at some less likely scenarios – when your nanny suffers from some kind of pregnancy related illness.

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How to poach-proof your nanny relationship

A good nanny is a prize, one that other families may stoop low enough to try to steal from you. Nanny poaching can happen anywhere from the school gate to your own garden gate and it can be anyone including your next door neighbour or anyone close friend.

Some will say that a nanny who allows herself to be poached wasn’t happy in her job anyway. After all when you’re in a content and committed relationship you’re not casting around for a better partner! If you do sweep the room occasionally it’s just eye candy, and while your nanny might periodically flick through job ads it isn’t necessarily a sign of discontent. Poaching is more dangerous. Poaching is the equivalent of someone coming up to you in a bar, buying you a drink or six while whispering sweet nothings in your ear and ultimately enticing you to come home with them.

You can’t stop someone coming up to your nanny and buying them that drink, but you can make sure their sweet nothings fall on deaf ears and here’s how…

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Common nanny pay issues

When parents employ a nanny it’s often the first time they have need to administer a payroll and pay regularly for services. In all the confusion it can be easy to let some things slip through the cracks, like transferring the money on the right date…

Problem #1 My boss never pays me on time

This is more common than you’d think. Many nannies report late payments from their employers, or having to leave messages to make sure they’re paid on time. It has a knock on effect on nanny’s bank balance and they may incur charges if their direct debits go out without sufficient funds. Solution? Set up a standing order when the job starts.

Problem #2 The amount in my account and on my payslip don’t match up

First you need to make sure you’re looking at your payslip correctly. The figure that should be in your account is in the bottom right, not the top right. The top right is the gross figure that you should have agreed at interview and written in your contract. The bottom figure is the net amount, which is what ends up in your account. If that net amount on your payslip doesn’t match what’s in your account then your boss has either over or under paid you, and you need to find out why. Sometimes this is because overtime has been added to your pay but not processed through payroll, or because you’ve had time off sick but it’s not been processed through payroll. Sometimes it’s because you agreed a net wage which is very difficult to match up on a payroll run each month even if your boss has paid what you agreed. Solution? Check your payslip, your contract and your working hours. There will be a discrepancy in the figures somewhere and when you find out what it is you can sort it.

Problem #3  My overtime hasn’t been counted

If you do overtime late in the month it can be tough for employers to get that information to the nanny payroll company on time, or they may have forgotten to add it to the payslip. The other, more alarming, situation is where your overtime appears on your payslip but not in your account. This probably means your employers have a standing order, notified the payroll company and forgot to manually transfer you the overtime payment. Solution? Gently remind them to declare your overtime and/or pay you.

Problem#4 My boss is making extra deductions

The standard deductions that should be made from your pay are tax and employee national insurance contributions. You may also have deductions for your pension and student loan repayments. Your contract may specific additional situations where your employer can take money out of your pay, for example if you are responsible for damaging their car they may deduct the insurance excess directly from your pay. If you see extra deductions, or you think other things have been deducted from your pay check your contract to see whether it’s allowed. Solution? Call the payroll company to check what’s being taken off and talk to your boss.

Problem #5 My boss never reimburses my expenses

Many nanny employers provide a kitty which means their nanny doesn’t have to pay for activities and so on out of their own pocket, but some prefer to reimburse expenses. Mileage is an expense which is commonly reimbursed, rather than taken out of the kitty. Paying up front can leave you short of cash at the end of the month, and if your boss doesn’t pay you back you’re effectively subsidising your charges. Solution? Stop paying out. Insist on having a kitty or only do free activities within walking distance.

Sickness etiquette

It’s a fact of life that people get ill, and those in contact with small children more often than most. One of the advantages of a nanny is that they will care for poorly children, but an oft cited disadvantage is that you rely on one person for your childcare, as you do with a childminder, and if they are sick you have no childcare. The sooner everyone knows about any sickness, the easier it is to deal with the disruption.

Tips for parents:

Sick children: As we said a nanny will normally care for sick children as part of their job, but it’s always good to give your nanny a heads up before they arrive. If your nanny is female and your children have an illness which could be dangerous in pregnancy you should warn your nanny in case they are in the early stages and haven’t told you.

Sick parents: There’s no reason your nanny shouldn’t come to work but they might need to adjust their plans slightly to give you the peace and quiet you need to recuperate.

Sick nannies: Before employing a nanny it’s a good idea to have a backup plan in place. Local nanny agencies should have temporary nannies available to work in your area or your employer may offer emergency childcare solutions. Most nannies will only take time off when they’re absolutely incapable of coming to work so even if it’s a day when you have a really important meeting try not to make them feel worse than they already do.

Tips for nannies:

Sick children: Your charges may want Mummy or Daddy, and many more cuddles than usual. Make sure your employers understand that your priority is your poorly charge and the usual jobs might not get done.

Sick parents: It can be hard having parents at home, especially when the children don’t understand that they need to rest. Don’t feel too awkward though – chances are they’re too busy feeling rubbish to listen to your out of tune renditions of head, shoulders, knees and toes at nappy change time.

Sick nannies: Call, rather than text, if you know the night before that you won’t be in the next day. Send a text between 10pm and 6am and follow it up with a phone call to make sure your employers know you won’t be in. If you can suggest any nanny friends who might be happy to cover all or part of the day, and it’s a good idea to have a list in the nanny diary at your boss’s house, then your employers will probably be very grateful.

New additions to the family

Is keeping your nanny during maternity leave a luxury or an essential? Unless you’re going back to work very soon after the birth, most people would say it’s a luxury and one that they would struggle to afford. But chances are you’re going to want your nanny back when you go back to work since she’s put in time bonding with your older child(ren) and knows your house, your area, your routines and your preferences. So how do you deal with this?

The legal situation is that your nanny has a job under their original terms and conditions until you make them redundant. So they will be expecting to stay on doing their usual hours and receiving their usual pay during your maternity leave. There are big advantages to keeping your nanny – you know that you will have time to rest and focus on your newborn, your older children won’t have their routine disrupted and you have someone that you know and trust who can care for the new arrival while you spend time with your other children – but we know that the cost can make the impractical.

In this case you need to renegotiate your nanny’s terms of employment. You might want to keep them on part time, or investigate the possibility of a nanny share based at someone else’s house, but it’s vital to discuss this early on with your nanny. You might find that they’re happy to take a break for a few months to go and do a ski or summer season abroad but have a secure job to come back to, or that they’re happy to reduce their hours as long as they can find another job. You may equally find that they’re just expecting things to carry on as normal. As awkward as it might feel to have this conversation the sooner you get this out in the open the better. She will be feeling just as unsure about her future. Hopefully your nanny will respect your timescale and if you want her to commit to staying until after the birth so she can care for your older children while you’re in hospital then make that clear from the start, and consider offering a bonus to tempt her away from any offers that require an earlier start.

Remember that making your nanny redundant at the start of your maternity leave, while it will save your money in the short term, means that you are committing yourself to finding a new nanny at the end of your maternity leave which is a substantial investment of time and money at a point when you want to be making the most of your time with your children.

All the best for the rest of your pregnancy!