nanny resentment – Nannyjob blog

How to Lose Your Nanny in 10 Days: What Not to Do

If you have a nanny and want to keep them, avoid these 10 mistakes that could quickly lead to them walking out the door:

Ignore paperwork 📄Sign a contract before your nanny starts, and ensure you have their bank details, National Insurance number, and P45. Clear arrangements in writing are essential.

2. Skip the thank you 🙏Express gratitude for your nanny’s hard work. A simple thank you goes a long way.

3. Break your promises 💔Trust and respect are essential. Stick to your agreements to maintain a strong relationship.

4. Limit personal space 🚷Your home is your nanny’s workplace. Help them feel comfortable and avoid petty restrictions.

5. Be late without notice ⏰Unexpected lateness happens, but inform your nanny as soon as possible. They have plans too!

6. Neglect the kitty 💰Reimburse your nanny for expenses or provide a kitty for day-to-day spending.

7. Leave critical notes 📝Give constructive criticism face-to-face and offer suggestions for improvement.

8. Overstep boundaries with chores 🧽Nannies focus on the children, not your bathroom. Avoid asking for unrelated cleaning tasks.

9. Hover while they work 🚁Let your nanny work without feeling judged. They’ll be more relaxed, and the children will benefit.

10. Don’t pay them 💸Your nanny is a professional and expects to be paid. Non-payment is a breach of contract.

Remember, a good relationship with your nanny requires mutual respect and understanding.

Persistent lateness and how to deal with it

It’s 10 minutes past finishing time and no sign of your employers, no call, no text. It’s 40 minutes past your contracted finish and your employer breezes in saying “Sorry! See you tomorrow.” It’s been 3 hours, you’ve put the children to bed, cancelled your plans for the evening and made a half-hearted attempt at tackling the ironing pile when your phone beeps – “Dinner nearly through, home in an hour or so”. Sound familiar?

Using the highly scientific research method known as ‘asking some people we know’ we found that this problem is shockingly common and there seem to be three main reasons for employer lateness, which require different tactics to resolve.

Continue reading “Persistent lateness and how to deal with it”

When parents won’t listen (or change)

As a childcarer you may sometimes find yourself in the situation where you have repeatedly tried to communicate with the parents about an issue and been ignored, or told that the parents will do something only to find they haven’t. At this point you need to make a decision about how important the issue is, to the children and to you, and whether you can work with things are they are.

Any concerns about the children’s safety or well-being must be reported. If you feel a parent’s actions or inaction mount up to abuse or neglect then you have a duty to get in touch with your relevant local authority.

Where it’s not a safeguarding issue, but makes carrying out your job difficult for you then you need to decide what actions you can take without the overt support of the parents, assuming they are happy for you to do so. Children can be quick to notice inconsistencies so acknowledge any differences between what you say and what the parents say, however they are also capable of learning which behaviours are acceptable with which adult and as long as you are consistent with them they will learn (even if it takes a little longer!).

All this, though, can make your job extremely stressful. Finding ways to wind down at the end of the day, or even quietly blow off steam half way through, are vital for your well-being. Feeling alone and unsupported can really sap your morale so share your feelings with your loved ones or friends. Often as nannies we feel we can’t talk to anyone about what goes on in our job but it’s perfectly okay to reveal our feelings and frustrations. As a general rule talking in ‘I’ terms (I feel I…. etc) won’t give anything away and it will help you acknowledge your own emotions instead of bottling them up. Sport can be a great way to relieve frustration, and crafts that occupy your hands such as knitting or card-making can be a good way to calm down and focus on something positive and productive. Creating a time to work through your feelings and set them to rest is another good way to keep your kind clear and preventing stress in your job invading your life. Work on accepting what you can’t change and seeing the positives in the things you can.

Ultimately if you feel the parents are making it impossible for you to continue, or you are unable to destress at least at the end of a working week then it might be time for you to move on. You can change the children but you can’t change the parents, and sometimes accepting that is the hardest thing of all.

Nanny Tips: Dealing with Disagreements

Every nanny’s dream is finding a family to work for, long term, that they click with. The reality is that sometimes, even when a nanny has found that family, disagreements will still occur. This is to be expected, and is usually nothing to worry about.

In much the same way as your personal relationships, disagreements and issues within working relationships needn’t spell the end of the relationship. Most of the time they can be dealt with easily and with the minimum of drama.

Dealing with these disagreements in the right way is vital to maintaining a healthy working relationship with the family. Following are some tips to help you deal with them, or avoid them altogether.

Make sure you have a contract

An in-depth nanny contract is the most effective way to prevent disagreements and issues occurring. Although verbal contracts are legally binding, they are open to interpretation so it is important that your agreement is put down in writing and signed by all parties. Insist that a contract is drawn up and signed as soon as possible after starting work, preferably before you start – and definitely by a month or two after your start date. Be sure to keep your copy safe.

Check your contract

If you find yourself disagreeing with the parents over something like holiday or house rules, check the contract over. It is easy to forget small points, especially things that may not have stuck out in your mind when the contract was drawn up. The disagreement could be down to a simple misunderstanding on their (or your) behalf.

Be upfront from the beginning

Before you agree to work for a family, be sure to inform them of anything that could affect your ability to work the hours they require, if you have any holidays booked, or anything else that affects your work. If these things are dealt with early on, they shouldn’t cause a problem later on.

Don’t wait for resentment to build

If something has bothered you then you need to be politely honest about it before it becomes a huge issue in your mind. The problem might be something small and easily fixed – for example, the parents unthinkingly allowing the children to wake you up on a Saturday morning when you’re off-duty – or it may just be the product of a misunderstanding. Either way, dealing with issues in a friendly manner, if and when they arise, is far preferable than hoping the problem will go away by itself. That very rarely happens, and you will end up feeling resentful and angry towards the family.

Give plenty of notice

If you need some time off that hasn’t been pre-arranged with the family, make sure you broach the subject with plenty of time to spare. They may not be able to fulfil your request but they have much more chance of doing so if they have enough time to organise alternative childcare, and they will appreciate the effort of giving plenty of notice.