Tag: parent

The nanny diary: Day 2

 

If you want to catch up on the happenings of Day 1 of our real life nanny diary which follows a nanny and a mother in the first week of a job just click here

 

 

Nanny:

My legs were killing me this morning and we had even more walking today because there’s a baby class in the centre of town. The upside is I got promised Starbucks and told to make it a weekly thing because there isn’t time to go home in between the school run and class and nowhere to hang out in the middle. Yay!

We went to music class together and then MB left to meet a friend for lunch so I had to walk to nursery, only just making it in time for pick up, and number 3 came along quite happily which was a really good sign. I was a bit worried she would kick off that it was me picking her up but it was fine and she was super well behaved on the way home. I guess because MB doesn’t drive they’re all used to walking and have good road safety sense, or at least as good as a 2 year old can have. She walked part of the time and asked to go on the buggy board when she was tired which I found a bit difficult to push. I might ask MB about getting a cheap double buggy because I think my arms are too short!

I think one job for Monday afternoon is going to be preparing something for Tuesday lunch because time is really tight and we were a bit late today which pushed nap time back and the school run was a rush yesterday. Thankfully they didn’t sleep as long today and when I asked MB she said they often had a long nap Monday afternoon which I’m glad I found out now! I managed a load of laundry and transferred it to the dryer, and prepped dinner and even had a sit down to rest my aching legs before this evening’s charging around. Tuesday is normally going to be an early finish because as long as MB is back I can take the boys to Beavers and go home but today MB just wants me to check back in.

We had a good chat about playdates on the way home. When I asked about them at interview she said she was really happy that it will be possible and she wants me to feel free to arrange things for the children or have people over and then she refused to let the eldest go between school and Beavers tonight but I’m glad we had time together for her to explain where she’s coming from, and it makes sense. Plus it makes my life easier if I can just leave when MB comes home without having to do an activity run!

I really need a hot bath but we don’t have a bathtub so a long, hot shower in going to have to do and an early night. I think I’ll be able to cancel my gym membership at this rate.

Mother:

Today was, I think, a pretty good test day. I hung back a bit in the morning and even managed to put make up on before the school run. We had a quick chat about yesterday when getting coffee in between school and rhyme time and there didn’t seem anything majorly wrong. I managed grown up lunch out with a friend and met up at the school gate just in time to explain the rules on impromptu playdates. We had an activity this evening so it’s fine if it’s planned in advance and they have everything they need in the morning and they can go with a friend but otherwise only on free evenings. I’ve spent 6 months enforcing this rule after we went a bit playdate silly and I really don’t want it broken now.

The first benefit of having a nanny has become clear! Dinner is all prepared and just needs to be reheated and the shepherd’s pie was huge enough for all the family. I asked if it was okay if we ate some too and she seemed a bit embarrassed but said we could. I don’t know what she was embarrassed about because it was great.

The nanny diary: Day 1

This week we’re doing something a little different. A real life series of 5 posts detailing the first 5 days from a nanny and a mother’s perspective!

 

 

Nanny:

My alarm went of at 6.15am this morning and I practically sprinted out of bed into the shower. I needed to be at my new job for 7.30 and I really didn’t want to be late. It turns out that there is very little traffic so I ended up being 20 minutes early and parked my car around the corner and waited. I rang the doorbell 5 minutes early, which felt a little odd knowing that in a couple of hours I’d have keys and probably wouldn’t be ringing the bell every morning!

Everyone was having breakfast when I walked in and MB offered me some toast, but I ate breakfast before I left. It’s good to know I can have breakfast at work. 5 minutes more sleep! Then it was all systems go brushing teeth, putting on coats and shoes and getting out the door to go to school. There are 4 children, 2 at school, 1 doing half days at nursery and 1 at home full time, so there’s a lot to get ready and we’re going to be walking everywhere. Thankfully I have 2 days with MB at home to get all the local routes and shortcuts in my head. MB explains the rules and I’m glad we seem on the same page.

After an hour out and about we’re at home and baby is napping in the pram so we have a cuppa and run through a typical week, MB shows me how all the appliances work and shares her routine for getting the housework that I’ll be taking on done although she says I don’t have to stick to it, and once baby woke up she made a start preparing lunch while I fed baby and played a little game of peekaboo. Soon it was time to head out to nursery and fetch charge number 3. We all ate lunch together and I managed to get spaghetti sauce down my top. Ooops.

This afternoon was my first time alone with the younger two, which they spend napping, and I decided to make a treasure basket as they don’t seem to have one. They woke up just before needed to go to the school run so it was a bit of a rush to prepare a bottle and get ready and leave. I’m not used to leaving this much time for walking so I’m going to have to make a note to watch that especially this week.

After-school was a blur of taking number 1 to a violin lesson, taking number 2 to karate (is there anything cuter than a bunch of 5 year olds doing karate?), picking up number 1, picking up number 2, eating tea, doing homework/reading and getting everyone ready for bed. I feel exhausted and I have no idea how MB has been doing this on her own. Most nights she says she’ll be home by 5 so we’ll sort out the last hour and a half between us but if she has a late meeting I can see myself running in circles.

 

Mother:

Last night I was writing down everything I need to talk about and I didn’t realise how much I do until I was trying to consciously explain while doing it. I’m sure there are things I’ve forgotten to talk about today. I’ve also realised I’m not looking forward to the end of maternity leave and I’m feeling a bit funny about having a nanny because we’ve always used nursery or a childminder but fingers crossed it will make life that much easier.

First day seems to have gone okay. I’m desperately trying not to step in and let her find her own way of doing things. I’m also trying to feel my way through the etiquette of having a nanny. Should she be eating breakfast with the children in the morning? Will she eat dinner with them in the evening? Do I need to justify every parenting move I’ve made or is it all common sense?

I’m reassured that she took the pace of the day in her stride – it’s all go to get to nursery at 8.30, school at 8.45, nursery at 11.30, lunch and naps, school at 3.30 and anything after-school so having someone who can keep to time and get where they need is so important. Tomorrow is the day for letting go!

Questions not to ask at interview

Interviewing can be a nerve wracking process and it’s understandable that families want to find out as much about their potential nanny as possible, but there are certain questions which should be avoided in case they lead to direct or indirect discrimination.

In some cases you may have reasons for wanting to know the information and feel that bring direct and open is the best way, but you must phrase your questions carefully so they are supported by a legitimate need and do not leave you open to claims of discrimination.

“Are you married/in a relationship?”

Why it’s bad: Questions about marital status can be seen as discrimatory, or trying to find out about sexual preferences.
Why you might want to know: If you’re hiring a live in nanny you might want to know whether they’re going to move their partner in too, or whether you’ll be waking up to a string of different ‘houseguests’
What you can say: “Would you expect to have guests to stay?”

“Do you have children?”

Why it’s bad: A nanny could claim that you discriminated against them if you didn’t give them the job and gave it to someone who didn’t have children.
Why you might want to know: A whole host of reasons, including whether the nanny is likely to want to bring their children to work regularly or occasionally or whether they have their own children to pick up from childcare, thus reducing their flexibility.
What you can say: “Do you have any obligations at home which may interfere with your attendance or ability to do this job and how do you plan to minimise the impact of those?

“Are you planning to have children soon?”

Why it’s bad: This is definitely discriminatory – although you are trying to reduce the impact of an employee going on maternity or paternity leave it’s illegal to ask this question.
Why you might want to know: A nanny planning to start a family will mean you need to find alternative childcare to cover the leave they are entitled to.
What you can say: Nothing. This is a risk you need to be prepared to take.

“Do you have a disability?”

Why it’s bad: Asking someone whether they have a disability contravenes legislation on equality.
Why you might want to know: Some disabilities may impair a nanny’s ability to do their job.
What you can say: You can focus on whether the applicant is able to do the job e.g. “Are you able to lift and carry my toddler?”. You can also ask whether you need to make reasonable adjustments once a job offer has been made. As an employer it is up to you to decide what is ‘reasonable’ in terms of your requirements. You may not be able to adjust working hours, for example, but you may be able to accommodate time off for treatment on a regular basis. If you are in any doubt we suggest you seek specialist advice.

“How old are you?”

Why it’s bad: Knowing someone’s age could lead to a claim of age discrimination. You must focus on someone’s ability to do the job, whether old or young.
Why you might want to know: Nosiness!
What you can say: Nothing.

“Where do you come from?”

Why it’s bad: Nationality and ethnicity should have no bearing on someone’s suitability as a nanny.
Why you might want to know: If you require your nanny to travel or if you have concerns about their right to work in the UK (which you should verify in any case) you may feel reassured by knowing their nationality. You may also think this is a friendly question inviting the nanny to talk about themselves. In rare cases it may be a genuine occupational requirement that a nanny holds a particular passport.
What you can say: “Are you able to travel within the EU without restrictions/to X with the appropriate visa?” “Can you provide evidence of your right to work in the UK?”

“What religion are you?”

Why it’s bad: This question is grounds for claiming discrimination.
Why you might want to know: If you want your nanny to support your religious practices you might think the simplest way is if they belong to your religion.
What you can say: “We are Jewish/Hindu/Catholic and would like you to respect our traditions and support our children in their religious development. Do you feel comfortable doing that?”

Review Thyme

Kuvona | www.dreamstime.com

My heartfelt thanks to those who commented on my last post. Review time has been and gone and it went (mostly) well. We settled eventually on a small payrise, and a gift to show our appreciation with plans of more little surprises to come, not that I want to give too much away in case she’s reading. Ahem.

It was good to have the opportunity to sit down and chat about how things are going, having the time to talk about Oliver, how he’s getting on and what he might find interesting over the coming few months was really helpful. I now have a shopping list of toys and resources, and instructions to investigate different activities. Sometimes I wonder who’s the boss!

I got my knuckles rapped for lateness a couple of times. I know I’m guilty of realising I’m still in the office and should be halfway through the commute, and I do call as soon as I remember, but that adds half an hour to a working days all round and kicks Ol’s bedtime routine into touch, so I do know I really shouldn’t do it. Without making excuses it can be hard to wrap things up on time. A task that was only supposed to take half an hour can double or even treble quite easily and that leaves everything out of whack.

Surprise question of the night: ‘Are you anticipating any changes in your family circumstances over the next year?’. The mind flashes through redundancy (please, no) and house moves (if we win the lottery) to the fear that she’s seen the prenatal vitamins at the back of our en suite cupboard and jumped to conclusions. I hastily took another sip of wine.

The only real problem was holiday. May is always a pretty terrible time for me work-wise and this year Ed’s schedule is jammed too. Guess when Ellie wants to take a couple of days?

I know it’s technically legal for an employer to refuse holiday, but I think that’s a pretty horrid thing to do without an outstanding reason, and ‘it’s a bit inconvenient’ isn’t really going to stand up when it’s something your nanny really wants to do. The only thing is I’m not even sure either of us will be able to get time off. Neither set of grandparents will be any good and that leaves us rather stuck. Maybe I was being naïve when I wouldn’t have to worry about this kind of problem. Luckily Ellie has developed a good nanny network, and is going to ask around, although she informs me that some of them are already in shares and couldn’t take on an extra one or OFSTED might cause trouble.

Ed also floated the idea of asking Ellie to come on holiday with us in the summer when we go away with another family. I agree it would be heavenly to have on-tap help rather than finding a local sitter, so the subject was duly broached. I could tell straight away it wasn’t going to be an instant winner. Naturally we promised to pay all expenses, the total working hours wouldn’t change and we’d expect the other family to chip in and pay on top of her salary if they wanted to share the childcare but something still wasn’t sitting right. Given that we want to book soon it would be good to have a reply.

The final part of the review was an idea I’d seen on a well known parenting site, offering to contribute to or pay for any professional development courses. I take it this isn’t a very common thing to do as Ellie looked a bit surprised. She renewed her First Aid certificate just before coming to work for us so this would be something completely different. I suggested a couple of courses I’d googled and suggested she ask her nanny friends for inspiration but I don’t really mind what she does. I’m sure whatever it is will benefit her, and by extension Ol, in some way or another and that’s the whole idea!

So there as my first experience of a formal review with a nanny. In hindsight I’d probably ask her to think about a few things beforehand, not in a scary self-evaluation kind of way but just to have some ideas so she doesn’t feel so put on the spot. Live and learn!