Tag: parenting styles

How to Parent a Strong-Willed Child Without Breaking Their Spirit

As parents, we often celebrate the unique qualities of our children that make them who they are. However, when it comes to raising a strong-willed child, we may face some challenges in balancing their determination with the need for discipline and guidance. In this article, we will explore how to parent a strong-willed child without breaking their spirit, empowering them to become resilient, independent adults.

Respect their autonomy: Strong-willed children crave autonomy and control over their lives. Instead of fighting them on every decision, try to provide options and allow them to make choices within a set framework. This shows that you respect their independence while still maintaining boundaries.

Choose your battles: It’s essential to prioritize what’s worth fighting for and what’s not. Focus on issues that impact their safety, health, or morals, and let go of smaller conflicts.

Positive reinforcement: Praise your child’s good behaviour and acknowledge their efforts, even if they don’t always succeed. This encourages them to continue making positive choices.

Set clear expectations and consequences: Establish boundaries and make sure your child knows what is expected of them. Consistently enforce consequences when boundaries are crossed, but also be open to discussion and negotiation when appropriate.

Stay calm and composed: Strong-willed children can often push our buttons, but it’s important to remain calm during conflicts. By staying composed, you model appropriate behaviour and prevent the situation from escalating further.

Encourage problem-solving: Teach your child to analyse situations and produce their own solutions. This not only empowers them but also helps develop critical thinking skills.

Be a good listener: Take the time to genuinely listen to your child’s thoughts and feelings. This builds trust and opens the door for more effective communication.

Display empathy: Show your child that you understand their feelings and emotions, even if you don’t always agree with their actions. This fosters a stronger parent-child bond and makes them more receptive to your guidance.

Be consistent: Consistency in enforcing rules and consequences is crucial when parenting a strong-willed child. This helps them understand the limits and expectations set forth.

Model appropriate behaviour: As a parent, it’s essential to model the behaviour you want to see in your child. They will look to you as an example of how to handle various situations.

Raising a strong-willed child can be challenging, but with patience, understanding, and the right strategies, you can help them grow into confident, responsible adults without breaking their spirit.

Giving Our Children Time

There is pretty much a ‘How to Book’ about everything and for Parents, as well as nannies, this is most certainly true! From how to get a newborn to sleep through the night, to potty-training, to raising a well-rounded child. There is a plethora of information in books and on the internet.But some experts think that spending time playing with your child is the key to the rounded child. They suggest parents adopt a “five-a-day” approach with daily activities to help children reach their full potential.

There is pretty much a ‘How to Book’ about everything and for Parents, as well as nannies, this is most certainly true! From how to get a newborn to sleep through the night, to potty-training, to raising a well-rounded child. There is a plethora of information in books and on the internet.

The “five-a-day concept”

But some experts think that spending time playing with your child is the key to the rounded child. They suggest parents adopt a “five-a-day” approach with daily activities to help children reach their full potential. The five steps are as follows:
• Read to your child for 15 minutes
• Play with your child on the floor for 10 minutes
• Talk with your child for 20 minutes with the television switched off
• Adopt positive attitudes towards your child and praise them frequently
• Give your child a nutritious diet to aid development

How realistic is it?
Most parents will immediately add up the time involved: a whole forty-five minutes. In addition, there is the time it takes each day to provide nutritious meals. Particularly in households where both parents are working, couples will struggle to put aside this amount of time to play with their children after getting home. It is the dilemma facing every working parent: how to devote enough time to their children, while juggling career demands with household chores.

Doing It All Proves Impossible
In 2020 79% of mothers worked full time compared to 10 years previously when only 29 per cent did, a massive increase. And studies undertaken in America found that “supermoms” who try to “do it all”, are at greater risk of depression. Although employment is ultimately beneficial for women’s health, be it part-time or full-time, and mothers do not harm their young children by going out to work, women who try to excel both at work and at home, put themselves under too much pressure.

The Importance of Good Childcare
Is it reasonable then to expect parents to adhere to the five steps outlined above? A child’s parents may not be able to fit in all five activities, but the childcare can be of help. A good nanny will certainly be mindful of spending time playing with children and the importance of creative play in the early years. She should be able to tick the boxes of the playtime activities listed. Not all nannies will be required to provide meals for the children they care for but those that do will probably be instructed by the parents as to what their child is to eat. The fifth criterion, ensuring your child’s meals are health-giving, is therefore the parents’ responsibility. Good childcare then can help parents achieve their child’s “five-a-day”.

A Delicate Balancing Act
Most parents worry at one time or another that they are not doing enough by their children. The reality is, whether you are a parent in the home or working, most of us try our best to provide for our child and to give them as many opportunities for growth as possible. Both the “five-a-day” concept and the “fifteen minutes” approach can help guide us at least. And that goes for child carers too. Parents cannot always do it all, but they can ask that their childcare professional, their nanny for instance, ensures that their child is adequately attended to during the day and that there is plenty of one-to-one interaction. As parents, we cannot always do it all but at least we can try.

Taking risks

Risks, in general, are seen as a bad thing. Parents and child carers are told to minimise risks, to make things safer, to always be careful and pay attention, ready to swoop in the moment there’s danger. But what if this is a bad thing? Are we going to far?

Of course we don’t mean giving children uncooked chicken to eat, or letting them practice their new found cycling ability next to the river, we mean sensible risks. Perhaps instead of removing all the hazards teaching children to respect dangers and deal with them safely would help them lean. instead of hovering and catching children before they hit the ground allowing them to fall from a safe height and feel the effect of letting go and the point where they went too far.

Continue reading “Taking risks”

Attachment childcare

Most people have heard of attachment parenting, if only in sensationalised form, also known as the Sears method. The idea is that an infant is kept as close its mother, or other caregiver, as possible by breastfeeding, using a sling, bed-sharing, responding sensitively to cries and, as the child grows, ensuring that any separation is child led as far as possible. It must be said that many parents follow some of these principles without defining themselves as attachment parents but when parents openly say they follow attachment parenting some childcarers start to panic.

 

There is no need to worry. Although the label might sound off-putting, by entering into a dialogue with parents about how they practice attachment parenting will help you understand and accommodate their child’s needs.

 

1. Breastfeeding

This is obviously a logistical problem when any breastfeeding mother goes back to work. Make sure you and your setting are supportive of continued breastfeeding; know the value of expressed breast milk and how to handle it, talk to the mother about feeding times and whether she would prefer you to feed the baby just before collection or her to feed on arrival/at home to fit in with her pumping schedule, and try attachment bottle feeding.

 

2. Using a sling

If a baby is accustomed to being held and soothed by their caregiver it’s very important to continue this in some way during the transition to childcare and the easiest way to do this is to use a sling. Slings are a very individual decision but try asking the parents for their input if you don’t have one of your own that fits you comfortably.

 

3. Bed-sharing

This is often the trickiest adjustment. It isn’t advised for anyone but breastfeeding mothers to bedshare with their infants so as a childcarer, potentially caring for other children at the same time, it’s not practical. Make the sleeping area as familiar as possible. Consider asking the parents to provide a pillowcase and blanket that they have slept with to provide a familiar smell and commit to stroking or patting the  baby to replace the comforting contact of their mother’s body or suggest naps in the sling. Above all don’t judge the parents for continuing to bedshare at home – it’s valuable time for them to reconnect and may allow the mother to rest while breastfeeding a baby who refuses milk during the day.

 

4. Responding to cries

One of the key principles of attachment parenting is a belief that cries are genuine attempts to communicate and should not be ignored. As any attachment parent of two or more will tell you this doesn’t mean running at the first whimper if you have another child to attend to, but
it does mean responding and trying to figure out what is wrong rather than leaving a baby to cry it out, or seeing whether he will settle after a few minutes crying by himself.

 

5. Child-led separation

Attachment parents may request a longer settling in period to gradually accustom their child to you and your setting. Use this time to observe and learn how the parents and child interact so you can provide consistency. It doesn’t mean that they don’t trust you or are hanging around to be difficult!