separation anxiety

Understanding and Managing Separation Anxiety in Children

Separation anxiety is a common and natural phase in a child’s development. It typically occurs when children become fearful or anxious when separated from their primary caregivers. While it’s most prevalent in infants and toddlers, older children can also experience separation anxiety. This blog post will explore the causes, symptoms, and strategies to manage separation anxiety, offering support to parents, nannies, and childcarers.

Introduction

Understanding Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety often begins around six months of age and can continue through preschool years. It’s a normal developmental stage, reflecting a child’s growing awareness of the world and their attachment to their caregivers. However, in some cases, it can be more intense and persistent, requiring additional attention and care.

Common Symptoms of Separation Anxiety

Excessive clinginess
Crying or tantrums when a caregiver leaves
Fear of being alone
Nightmares or trouble sleeping
Physical complaints such as stomachaches or headaches

Causes of Separation Anxiety

Several factors can contribute to separation anxiety, including:

Developmental stages: As children grow, their understanding of separation and permanence evolves.
Changes in routine: New environments, changes in caregivers, or family stress can trigger anxiety.
Temperament: Some children are naturally more anxious and may be more prone to separation anxiety.

Strategies to Manage Separation Anxiety

Establish a Routine: Predictable routines help children feel secure. Try to stick to regular schedules for meals, naps, and bedtime.
Practice Short Separations: Gradually increase the time you spend away from your child. Start with short separations and slowly extend them as your child becomes more comfortable.
Create a Goodbye Ritual: Develop a consistent and quick goodbye ritual to reassure your child. Avoid lingering, as this can increase anxiety.
Stay Calm and Positive: Children often mirror their caregivers’ emotions. Staying calm and positive can help reduce your child’s anxiety.
Provide Comfort Objects: Allow your child to have a comfort object, like a favorite toy or blanket, when you’re apart.
Encourage Independence: Foster your child’s independence by allowing them to engage in activities without your constant presence.
Communicate: Talk to your child about their feelings and reassure them that it’s okay to feel anxious.

When to Seek Professional Help

If your child’s separation anxiety is severe, persistent, or interfering with daily activities, consider seeking advice from a pediatrician or child psychologist. Professional guidance can help address underlying issues and develop effective coping strategies.

Conclusion

Separation anxiety is a challenging but normal part of childhood development. With patience, understanding, and consistent strategies, parents, nannies, and childcarers can help children navigate this phase and build a sense of security and confidence.

Understanding Separation Anxiety in Children: A Guide for Parents

Separation anxiety is a normal part of child development, but it can sometimes evolve into a more significant challenge for both children and parents. In this blog post, we’ll explore the signs of separation anxiety, when it becomes a concern, and how parents can help their children navigate this common but sometimes overwhelming experience.

Recognising the Signs

It’s natural for young children to feel some level of distress when separated from their caregivers. This can manifest as clinginess, crying, or resistance to being left alone. However, when these behaviours persist or intensify over time, it may indicate that a child is struggling with separation anxiety.

When Does it Become a Problem?

While mild separation anxiety is typical in early childhood, it becomes a concern when it interferes with a child’s daily life or causes significant distress. For example, if a child refuses to attend school, experiences physical symptoms like headaches or stomachaches, or has difficulty sleeping due to separation anxiety, it may be time to seek support.

Supporting Children Through Separation Anxiety

Parents can take several steps to help their children manage separation anxiety effectively:

Establish a Consistent Routine: Predictability and consistency can provide children with a sense of security. Create a structured routine for drop-offs and pick-ups to ease transitions.
Practice Separation: Gradually expose children to short separations to help them build confidence and resilience. Start with brief separations and gradually increase the duration over time.
Encourage Independence: Foster your child’s independence by giving them opportunities to make choices and solve problems on their own. Offer praise and encouragement for their efforts.
Communicate Openly: Talk to your child about their feelings and reassure them that it’s okay to feel anxious. Encourage them to express their emotions and validate their experiences.
Seek Professional Support: If your child’s separation anxiety persists or significantly impacts their daily life, consider seeking guidance from a pediatrician or mental health professional. They can provide strategies and support tailored to your child’s needs.

By understanding the signs of separation anxiety and taking proactive steps to support their children, parents can help them navigate this challenging but temporary phase of development with confidence and compassion.

Easing Child Separation Anxiety When Hiring a Nanny

The prospect of hiring a nanny for the first time can be intimidating for any parent, especially with concerns about how well your child will adjust to the new caregiver. Separation anxiety is a natural part of child development, but if it persists or becomes disruptive, you and your nanny may need to take steps to help ease the situation.

Child separation anxiety typically occurs from as early as 8 months and should fade away as the child grows older. However, if anxieties interfere with school or other activities, it may be a sign of separation anxiety disorder, which may require professional help.

Common symptoms of separation anxiety disorder include physical complaints like stomach aches, fear of something terrible happening to loved ones, nightmares about separation, school refusal, and fear of sleeping alone.

Possible reasons for your child’s separation anxiety disorder include your own anxieties, changes in routine, or recent stressful situations.

Tips for parents and nannies to deal with separation anxiety disorder:

Allow the child to get to know the nanny while you’re still around.
Focus on positive aspects of the situation.
Talk through the child’s feelings and concerns.
Leave without fuss.
Set boundaries and maintain routines.
Give praise for accomplishments, no matter how small.
Stay calm, firm, and in control.

If your child’s separation anxiety persists despite these tips, consult a GP for further advice.

Settling in

Adapting to a new caregiver can be tricky for children of all ages, which they show in different ways so here are some ideas to establish a good connection, smooth the transition and ensure you get off on the right foot.

For babies gently does it. They have no notion of time so when mummy or daddy goes away they think it’s forever, even if they’ve been told it’s just 5 minutes. Spend time working alongside the parents so the little one can see you’re a trusted friend and will happily go to you before their parents go away. Investing in a secure attachment at the start should avoid further separation anxiety in the future. If they do get upset and their parents can’t come back then distract, distract, distract! Pop them in a pram or a sling and go for a walk, make their toys act funny scenes or try a bath. Most little ones love water and will happily splash around for ages.

Toddlers understand time better, but they also understand that if they cry they can sometimes get what they want – which at the start will be their parents staying home. Don’t be offended, or alarmed, if they cry consistently in the morning when you arrive. It’s not that they don’t like you, it’s that they’ve connected you arriving to their parents leaving. Create a special good morning ritual that makes them laugh. In time they’ll look forward to you arriving so they can share that moment with you. Make sure your days are fun packed but follow their routine. Toddlers can get very anxious with too much change so even if would do things differently let them adapt to you first.

Preschoolers are often confident enough to separate from their parents easily so win them over by finding out what their favourite things are in advance and fitting as much as you can into their first few days. Like toddlers they can be sensitive to changes in routine but they also understand that different places and people have different rules, so short of any massive overhauls start as you mean to go on.

School aged children can be the toughest group to connect with. Often you see them in the morning, when they’re still sleepy and it’s a rush to get everyone out the house in time, and at the end of the day when they’re tired and you have the evening routine to get through. Take an interest in them and listen to what they have to say about their day, especially if they have younger siblings who are at home with you all day long. Inject a bit of fun into every day, even if it’s just 5 minutes, so you’re not always the bad cop.

Above all be patient and kind. Children and parents move at their own pace but over time you’ll develop a great bond.

Separating from their primary carer is a difficult experience for babies, and their parents too! In this post we look at some of the causes of separation anxiety and strategies to help.

What is separation anxiety?

Most people equate separation anxiety with crying and clinginess to a familiar adult. Separation anxiety is a natural stage that most children experience for the first time between 7 and 12 months. It’s a perfectly normal reaction to being parted from their primary carer. Unfortunately it also often coincides with a child entering childcare for the first time as a parent goes back to work. By the time a child is 2 years old, separation anxiety should have calmed down, although they may still be anxious or nervous about staying with an unfamiliar adult or in an unfamiliar place the first time it happens. Children (and adults) continue to experience some symptoms of separation anxiety even when they can rationalise what it happening. This can often be seen in parents leaving their child for the first time!

What causes separation anxiety?

Separation anxiety occurs when babies realise that things and people exist even when they can’t be seen. Babies realise that they are alone and feel that there should be someone there, so may cry in the night if they wake and find themselves alone or cry if you leave the room, or they feel anxious when a familiar adult leaves, even if there is someone to look after them.

What can help?

This depends on what is causing the anxiety and the extent you’re prepared to compromise what you do.

If a baby experiences separation anxiety every time you leave the room one option is to take them with you. At some stage they will outgrow their anxiety but this isn’t always practical.

Another strategy is to practice, first by playing peekaboo or hide and seek and then leaving the room and popping back in frequently. Say that you’re going and you’ll be back soon, and don’t worry if you can only manage 10 seconds at first. The most important thing is that you leave and come back.

Children will often experience less separation anxiety if left with another familiar adult so try to balance time spent with Mummy where Daddy leaves and time spent with Daddy and Mummy leaves. A child will feel more secure about the absence of one parent because the other parent is still there. Having other familiar adults – extended family, neighbours or friends – who will stay while you leave, even if it’s just to make a cup of tea, will acclimatise them to being without you without being alone.

At night or nap time do comfort a child but keep visits short and try to avoid lots of interaction. Their separation anxiety is real and distressing for them and they need to know that you are there. If they are unable to fall asleep because they are so distressed try the gradual retreat method where you put them in their cot and sit beside them, gradually moving further and further away until you are out the door. It may take a while and you need to be consistent but it is a gentle way to help them overcome their fear.

Separation anxiety and childcare – some advice for parents.

Children who have only ever been in the care of their parents naturally experience separation anxiety when they enter childcare or school.Children who are used to being around a wide range of familiar adults, for example extended family, are less likely to protest when Mummy or Daddy leaves although they are still likely to experience some separation anxiety. The transition just feels easier because they are accustomed to you leaving and coming back and you are used to leaving them.

It’s important to have a settling in period with a childminder or nursery, or a handover with a new nanny. Build up to a short day by first leaving for short periods, then half days and eventually a full day.

Make sure you always say good-bye when you go, and childcarers should always say good-bye at the end of the day too. Once you have left resist the temptation to pop back and see how they’re doing and then leaving again – this is confusing for children.

Always be positive about your chosen childcare. If your child senses that you are nervous or unsure they will pick up on this and feel unsettled too.